Alone in a foreign country after break up.

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YD
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/4/2012 7:51 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi All,
I know everybody goes through this..But I just needed a place to let it out..
So here goes my life story..
I was a 26 yr old guy when I met my ex girlfriend during my business visits.It was love at first sight...At that point of time I was very confident , full of ambitions and graduated from one of the top business schoools in the world.I was on my way to the top of management consulting world..But then love happend...
As we were from different countries we were far away from each other..So to be closer to her..I gave up my job,gave my life and again enrolled in a MS program from a top business school in her country...This brought us near to each other..So for 2 years we had great time like every couple has.. Now after my course got over,I had to go to my home country in order to apply for the work visa for her country..Now she is a english teacher and some new guys started working with her..We daily used to talk with each other..Now my exgf starts always talking about this guys..I try to tell her lets talk about something else than this guys.I try to tell her that she is getting infatuated by them..she starts fighting with me that she is not..So we always end up arguing about them..Then finally,she sleeps with one of them and breeaks up with me...

Now my ex gf already cheated on me before when she slept with her exboyfriend while I Was trying to get to her..Still I forgave her as I loved her..Again after second time cheating,I still forgave her..As i loved her..Call it crazy or what..But thats wat love is..init..

Now after the breakup,I got my work visa,I went back to her country and in a different city started working again..I ahd to compromise a lot..I settled for a job less than wat I was doing earlier..Bt still I never regretted any thing..I took everything in my stride...I never the one who gets bogged down by problems....So now I am back in her country...she tries hard to woo one of the two guys...One of them slept with her and one made out with her...She finally realizes that its not gonna work out with them..She comes back to me say her life is empty without me and all that crap..Till this time,I Was stable...I was working hard to get back to where I was earlier..But her talk screwed me badly..I again started having hopes that We can make up and get together..So we started talking again..got back again. and had great time when we met after long time...then she goes to her summer camps and meets a new colleague and she falls for him...now they are in relationship....and I am screwed badly....
I dont hve any hardfeelings for her..but I dont know wht to do...
In the meantime,I changed myjob as well and I got a better deal..but I work from home and I travel to client places when its required..so its tough when I am home alone..nobody to talk to..nobody to care for youl....all my friends are back home or scattered around the globe....they try hard to be there for me...but i miss that physical contact of a person talking to me in face...

Now my exgf says she wants tobe friends with me..But i cant be friends with her.she wants to talk abt what happend..says she truely believed in us but things went wrong..
she says that she fell out of love with me when I was at home trying hard for a work visa...She says I lost my confidence and I was pessimistic...
I try to tell her that I left my job and everyting for her..I was getting negative ansers from firms ,I was getting suffocated at home..and she was always talking of those guys...that was the worse period of my life..she doesnt understand that...

Now she is happy with the new guy...ofcourse because the new guy came to her life without doing anytihng..while i left everything for her...so ofocurse i had my worries....but thats lifeee......

Now I wnt to ask her what were the real reasons of the breakup..was it the guys ??was it me/??she knew that i wsa going through worse period of my life and she left me??? this unanswered questions bug my life..and add to this staying alone....it makes life hard...sometimes it makes real hard to surviveeeeeee.....

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 1/4/2012 8:55 AM (GMT -6)   
I honestly think you should move on and not try to figure this out. It doesn't sound like she is a very honest or faithful person. I think you could do better than that. You deserve better.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 1/4/2012 9:42 AM (GMT -6)   
YD, the reasons for your breakup are most likely multiple and complex, and to be honest you will probably not be satisfied with whatever answer or answers you find no matter how truthful they are.

My advice to you is to do one of two things. Pick an answer that you can live with and that comes as close as possible to satisfying you as it is probably as true as any and move on with your life or skip the first part and just move on.

Get yourself together in all ways and learn to be happy again with yourself and your life and before you know it someone new will come along who you may find so amazing that she will make your ex seem like a bad dream in comparison.

Also if you are unhappy living in your new country there is little to nothing stopping you now from moving back to the nation you call home.

Do what is right for you. Don't worry about anyone else at this point and time.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.
Moderator Depression Forum.

YD
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/4/2012 9:55 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you,both Karen and Jim..I needed a neutral answers..
I have decided to cut all communication with her till I am ready...
Yep,I am planning to return back to my homeland once my assignment is over..Cant leave the project hanging as it is :)

Thanks,
YD

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 1/4/2012 10:12 AM (GMT -6)   
You are very welcome.

I hope that things work out for you. Keep posting and know that we all care.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

greenbean885
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 1/4/2012 10:39 AM (GMT -6)   
YD,

I can relate with the difficulty of not having closure on relationships, but quite honestly, it's just not even worth it sometimes. I think she would only blame you and make you feel worse. I don't know why my last relationship ended and some days it bothers me but knowing would bother me even more. On top of how it would bother me, I think it would all be a pile of BS anyway, just something to suffice. Once, I pushed an ex of mine for answers and he said some horribly hurtful things. Years later, I still remembered those things. Recently he told me that what he said wasn't the truth at all, it was just what he was feeling at that time. He wants to be friends (like your ex) but I can really only handle minimal conversation with him because it's no worth it. My recent ex... well, I will NEVER speak to her again for my own stability & sanity.

It seems your ex jumps around and didn't appreciate what she had in front of her. Like you, I gave everything I had, sacrificing important things along the way. Rejection sucks, no other way to put it. But like so many have told me, it isn't my fault. I just leave it at that point. I will not have any regrets because I darn sure tried my hardest, as I'm sure you did too. It just means that someone else is better!

You seem to really have your life in order and I'm impressed with your interest in tbe business world. I graduated with a business degree and hope to put it to great use one day. Keep your head up... you will still be really bothered some days and you will wonder how she can be "so happy"... but in the end, it doesn't matter at all. And she probably isn't very happy. Not truly happy.

Hope that helps!
Courtney

YD
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/4/2012 12:12 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Courtney for the post.
I did try my best. but sometimes life is unfair.. thats it..:)
Thanks again to all of you..today I was feeing down and had to vent out :)!!

Regards,
YD

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 1/4/2012 1:13 PM (GMT -6)   
YD,

I am happy that you feel comfortable enough wth us to vent. It is nice to have a place to go when you need it. Keep posting and know that we all care.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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