does talking help?

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hellogoodbye
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Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 1/6/2012 11:24 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm not sure if talking helps but I'd figured it wouldn't hurt to try.

When someone asks me about depression or suicide I always say how stupid it is and what a waste of time it is but realistically I've contemplated  every single day for the past few years. I've never talked to a single soul about this except for now. It's actually a bit embarrassing admitting it since I've spent years trying not to show how I actually feel.

I met a girl a little more than a month ago on my birthday. we started talking (which is rare since I can't talk to women), and we immediately hit it off. We kissed and made plans for next time. This was the first time I've ever been truly happy, the first time I actually wanted to live, I quit smoking a few days later since I didn't need it anymore. I spent Christmas with her and this was definitely the best Christmas I've ever had in my adult life. As you could probably guess, the happiness was short lived...

about a week ago she started having her own family issues (with her dad). I tried my best to comfort her but anything I did, anything I said just annoyed her even more. I had no idea what to do so I just kept quiet. She started saying I was smothering her and that she didn't like being touched so I distanced myself even more. Her issues seemed to be resolve a couple of days after and I thought she would get back to her old self. Unfortunately I was wrong, I haven't heard a single word from her for a week now, she's been completely avoiding me. I tried asking her sister for any kind of news but even she has started to avoid me as well. The only thing I can do (that I cant think of) is to go to where she works and try to talk to her there but I'm afraid if I ask her about us she would just break up with me. I'm afraid if that actually happens I might find the resolve to die. Deep down I know I don't want to die but this past few days of not knowing why she's ignoring me, not knowing what I did wrong to make her hate me, not knowing if she loves me anymore is absolutely the most horrible thing I've felt.

I apologize for the long rambling but I'm trying to find ways to. I know my problems are pathetic when compared to what other people have experienced, like bullying, abuse etc. I've never had any of that (maybe a little bit of bullying but just name calling). But this is the first time I've actually loved anyone.
 
 
I had to remove a few words in your post, as we aren't allowed to discuss suicide...

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 1/7/2012 6:50:56 AM (GMT-7)


justwant2bemeagain
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2011
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 1/7/2012 12:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

I'm a bit confused about your relationship with this gal. It dosen't sound like you have been seeing her for very long. Love takes time, maybe your feelings for her is why she has backed off. She could be just as scared as you are. I would give her some time, and I believe that the best thing to do in your situation is to allow her to come to you. See what happens... But what I am sure of, is that you sound like a genuine person with a big heart, and that is a quality that alot of people don't have. Hang in there, god has a plan for all of us and if it is to be, it will!!

PS - Taking your life solves nothing !!! We are all here for you !!!

Blessings, Michelle

hellogoodbye
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 1/7/2012 12:36 AM (GMT -6)   
justwant2bemeagain said...
Hi there,

I'm a bit confused about your relationship with this gal. It dosen't sound like you have been seeing her for very long. Love takes time, maybe your feelings for her is why she has backed off. She could be just as scared as you are. I would give her some time, and I believe that the best thing to do in your situation is to allow her to come to you. See what happens... But what I am sure of, is that you sound like a genuine person with a big heart, and that is a quality that alot of people don't have. Hang in there, god has a plan for all of us and if it is to be, it will!!

PS - Taking your life solves nothing !!! We are all here for you !!!

Blessings, Michelle


Reading your post really made me think. Her sister said the same thing before she started avoiding me haha, it kind of makes sense now. I feel a little better now but still scared as crap... and I feel like a paranoid creep as well (which isn't too bad). Thanks Michelle. I'm really glad I came to this forum.

justwant2bemeagain
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2011
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 1/7/2012 1:32 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm glad that you found us as well... My little brother just went through a divorce 1 year ago . He has just met someone that he cares for very much. He has a new lease on life and I'd like to share it with you. He rushed his relationship with his x-wife and things didn't work. He now has a saying that he lives his life by now.... " Slow and Steady wins the race ". Don't be scared, be patient. And your not a paranoid creep, you just have feelings for this gal and there is nothing abnormal about having genuine feelings for someone. Hang in there and keep me posted....

Blessings, Michelle

hellogoodbye
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 1/7/2012 1:40 AM (GMT -6)   
You have no idea how relieved I felt after reading your post. Right now I have to figure out a way to apologize to her sister for being an annoying over emotional prick but I think she'll understand. I'll take your advice to heart and be patient and hope that everything works out for the best. Thanks again.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 1/7/2012 7:52 AM (GMT -6)   
Hellogoodbye,

I am glad that you joined us. I did have to edit your post as we are not allowed to discuss suicide here. Please referr to the rules when you get a chance.

I am glad that you are feelnig better. Keep posting and know that everybody cares.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

justwant2bemeagain
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2011
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 1/7/2012 8:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi, Hope you had a good day , I was just checking back to see how you were doing.... Chin up :-)

Michelle

hellogoodbye
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 1/7/2012 10:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey, I'm feeling a lot better since I've posted here, I still can't get more than 4 hours of sleep but I was able to get a lot more work done since I've calmed down a bit. I miss her terribly and I'm still terrified but I guess now I have a little more hope then before. I'm really glad I found this forum, talking does help as long as there's someone who'll listen.

thanks Michelle and Karen.

ps: her sister isn't mad/annoyed at me anymore so that's one improvement.

hellogoodbye
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 1/8/2012 12:01 AM (GMT -6)   
She said she's going to talk to me today... The message sounded like she just wanted to get the talk over with. I have a very bad feeling about this. I'm going to hold on to what little hope I can find ...

I have no idea what to make of this, it feels horrible...

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 1/8/2012 6:08 AM (GMT -6)   
Good luck with your talk, let us know how it goes.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

justwant2bemeagain
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2011
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 1/8/2012 8:45 PM (GMT -6)   
Well How did your talk go ??

Blessings, Michelle

hellogoodbye
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 1/8/2012 10:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Michelle, It went surprisingly well, I don't think she knew how emotionally unstable I was getting but she's still in my life which is more than I could ever ask for. I want to thank you for all the advice you've given me, I will do as you say and slow down the pace and let her decide when to move the relationship forward.

I don't know if I would have lasted if I just kept it all bottled up, I'm grateful that you were here and willing to listen to my petty problems. Thanks again.

~charles

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 1/9/2012 8:09 AM (GMT -6)   
Charles,

I am so happy that everything went well. Keep us posted.

Life is good, isn't it? Sometimes it can be amazing...

Have a great day.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

hellogoodbye
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 1/10/2012 1:04 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi, I'm really glad she hasn't left me yet but she still needs sometime to cope with her personal stuff. All I can do is be patient. I'm still getting episodes of anxiety but it's been manageable.

Thanks Karen and Michelle.

Jackie_0mg
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 427
   Posted 1/10/2012 3:52 AM (GMT -6)   
hey, do you take any type of anxity medicine or talk to a counsler i know a lot of people dont ant to espically men but it is a great outlet i know some people think depression pills are not the way to go which i agree to an extent. i took prozac for a year and was switched to something else but i had started felling better and knew i no longer needed them or if medicine isnt your way of doing things get a pet. i just got a pet due to health reasons i had surgery and i wanted a pet to keep me up and doing things i have a cat but he is just as playful as a dog. anyway when ever you feel down make a list of things that have made you happy and if you cant think of "enough" write down things that you would like to do in lie wether it realisticor not sometimes dreaming up things is just as fun!!!!
UC for 6 1/2 years
had colon removed Oct.10,2011 a laproscopic incession w/ ileo loop (2 surgeries in 1) , temp. ileostomy bag, due for final surgery in December but am going to get it at the end of the school year. use to take 12+ pills a day down to temp. imodium pills :) stoma named Mr.Wiggels

justwant2bemeagain
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2011
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 1/10/2012 9:48 PM (GMT -6)   
CHARLES,

I'm so glad that you shared your name with us. I'm very happy to hear things are going well for you. I'm not sure what her personal issues are, but if the two of you can be completly honest with each other, maybe the two of you can work through your issues together. It might just be what the both of you need. Just a thought.... Hang in there and be patient with her and yourself. I am more than happy to discuss anything with you. Please keep us posted as we all care!!!

Blessings, Michelle :-)

hellogoodbye
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 1/10/2012 11:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Michelle and Jackie_0mg,

I don't think my anxiety episodes is bad enough to warrant taking any medication, I just have a little trouble breathing and feel like breaking down for a couple of minutes. I find that hiding in enclosed spaces helps like bathrooms and closets. This is actually the first time I've ever actually opened up about what I'm actually feeling, There's just no one I feel I can talk to. But I can understand how talking can be a great outlet. Just knowing that I'm not alone or that there are people out there who are willing to listen without judging.

She's been pretty stressed out lately, I don't really know the details since it's been 3-4 days since I've heard from her and it's getting increasingly harder to just be patient and wait for her to come back to me (if she ever does). I don't really understand whats going on but if she had wanted to get rid of me, she would have done so when she called. I really do hope she goes back to her old self, I'm feeling extremely tired since I haven't had more than 4 hours of sleep since the new year.

The hardest part in all of this is that I know it's my fault she's become so distant towards me, I was too excited and happy and showed to much emotion and ended up being too clingy...

Thanks for letting me open up here

Hi michelle, I should properly introduce myself, My name is Charles, nice to meet you ^_^

justwant2bemeagain
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2011
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 1/10/2012 11:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Charles,

Nice to meet you as well! I'm not so sure that you should think that because she has distanced herself from you, it is your fault. It sounds to me as if she has unresoveled issues that don't even involve you. Giving her space is a good thing , but just as important, communcation with her may enable her to work through things. Who knows, maybe it will benefit you as well. You don't want to distance yourself from her too much as she may feel that you don't care. Be her rock and see where that takes you. Don't push the idea of a relationship with her, be there for her and I am willing to bet that she will be more responsive to you. Women can be weird that way.... My husband and i were friends for 10 years before we ever dated. Don't worry, it will be, if it is meant to be :-)

Blessings, Michelle

justwant2bemeagain
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2011
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 1/10/2012 11:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Charles,

One more thing.... Get some sleep !!!!!!!! :-)

hellogoodbye
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 1/11/2012 11:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Michelle,

Even I would like to know what her issues are, if I ever get to have another conversation with her I'll make sure the focus is on her. I'm really trying to be patient but the more time that passes the harder it gets, I really hate feeling like this, I still can't get enough sleep, thank goodness for coffee ^_^. I guess the only upside I can think of is that I did loose a good amount of weight this pass couple of weeks which is weird since I'm an avid over eater. My dad asked me if I was taking drugs (which I'm not), found that pretty amusing.

She has a really weird personality, I know from being with her is that she hates chatting or instant messaging or communicating in general. I have been sending her at least one message per day, usually just pictures of stuff I find funny on the web or asking how she is just to get a response (any response) but I never get a reply. Once she sent me a message saying that she'd call me but than she never did. I don't know anymore, I maybe over thinking it...

Jackie_0mg
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 427
   Posted 1/12/2012 12:15 AM (GMT -6)   
if this website is enough to allow you to get a healthy outlet then go for it.i understand what you mean when you say you think you dont need any medication somewhat recently i was in the hospital and i would have 1 or 2 panic attacks a day whcich i use to think was fake little did i know i rember the doctors saying i probally needed medicine but i was already on zoloft but had stop taking it 2 weeks prior to surgery i started back up on and off for 2 weeks as i felt better i quit i should of winged my self off but any way. dont feel or be embarrased becuase its not a permanat thing!
ON A DIFRENT NOTE : i love your screen name i was on you tube and i listened to a beateles song called hellogoodbye and i thoght to myself that guy (chareles) on healing well has a smart screen name because the song has good meaning i dont know if you picked the name on purpose because of that song or not but its cool :)
UC for 6 1/2 years
had colon removed Oct.10,2011 a laproscopic incession w/ ileo loop (2 surgeries in 1) , temp. ileostomy bag, due for final surgery in December but am going to get it at the end of the school year. use to take 12+ pills a day down to temp. imodium pills :) stoma named Mr.Wiggels

hellogoodbye
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 1/12/2012 12:55 AM (GMT -6)   
haha thanks, I honestly don't know why I picked that name but I do listen to the beatles quite regularly and I do hate saying good byes :) glad you liked the name I chose

Posting on this site really does help but the days seem to be getting longer and slower. I have been considering looking for local groups or counseling since I am getting pretty close to the edge but it's hard to move around or know where to look in this country. It's winter now so everything looks constantly depressing as well.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 1/12/2012 7:42 AM (GMT -6)   
Have you thought about taking vitamin D3? It really helps in the winter months. I take it everyday. It makes you feel better. Give it some thought. Every little bit helps.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

hellogoodbye
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 1/12/2012 8:48 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks I'll consider it, I'll take anything that helps.

I don't think I will ever get enough sleep, the one time I decide to go to bed early, I missed her call.... wont make that mistake again. I'll probably never get this opportunity again.

hellogoodbye
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 1/12/2012 11:36 PM (GMT -6)   
I don't really know how much more I can take, I've always been good at bottling up emotions but today I finally broke down. Good thing I manage to make it to my room before that happened. Work has been pretty horrible lately since I can't focus and I'm getting into trouble for it. I've been getting less and less sleep even though I know I can fall asleep pretty easily, I'm just too scared to go to sleep now. I can't seem to enjoy eating as much as I used to as well.

How can I still love someone, that makes me feel like this, so deeply? I've always had feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness but this is worst somehow. She made me think I deserved happiness, she made think that I deserve smile in the morning. I wont fall for that ever again.
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