Thank you all for your input.
No one recommends going off any kind of antidepressant cold turkey (even I tell others not to do that), but to be honest, I am past caring. I'm not sure how it works in the States, but I would have to wait another 2-3 months to see my doctor and by then I should have an appointment with a psychiatrist. As I said, my patience with doctors is practically non-existent at this point. I am aware of the withdrawal symptoms (I'm already getting the brain zaps, but again, I am past caring).
I have never tried a mood elevator, but then my doctor was always trying to help with panic attacks...he did not know I had depression. During my last visit, he just kept looking from me to my file back and back for for 30 minutes completely discouraged. He finally decided to refer me to a psychiatrist. Now I wait. I am not looking forward to trying yet another drug or combination of drugs. The doctor is fully aware that I feel horrible, hence the referral. But in the public health system, things take a very long time - time I know longer feel like waiting on.
Maggie, I am very happy to hear that it has all worked out for you and I hope it continues to do so.
MsOuchie, thank you for your input. You seem to have a much more well-rounded support system than I do. After more than 20 years, my patience is gone, I am neither spiritual nor belong to any faith (and I will not be starting now), I have done what many depressed and/schizoids do and retreated into myself so that I have no real support system (and if I did, I would have no idea what to do with them, lol!), my research has become a dangerous hobby and my hobbies have fallen by the way side. I've tried the positive outlook thing, it works when talking with others, but I cannot seem to apply it to myself (despite years of CBT). All in all, my mind is giving up on itself and I can actually feel it doing so. Withdrawing the meds, just seems like a natural progression for some reason. If I am to suffer mentally, why not physically? (may not sound logical, but it makes a weird sort of sense to me).
Everyone, I appreciate your advice, support and concern. But I am more tired than I can possibly express and I need it to stop.
Post Edited (DarkWolf) : 1/8/2012 2:06:57 PM (GMT-7)