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Posted 4/12/2005 4:04 AM (GMT -8)
today is not a good day. feeling tense and frustrated. HAving crying bouts and im scaring myself. Ive just had really strong urge to ct myself, this is scarey cos i havent done that since i was about 17/18, im 24 now and since then i think ive done it twice (in past 6/9 months)

I hate this type of thinking and have not acted on that impulse, the urge is dying away now, the thing is im scared as i know once i thought is in my head i cant help thinking about it and when i have an idea it goes round and round in my head until i do something about it. which frustrates me even more.

Please help i think im going crazy!

Posted 4/12/2005 7:44 AM (GMT -8)
Hello GIjo,

You have made the most important first step!! Talking about your feelings is the first step in dealing with them. I am begging you to get professional help with this. My first thought is to contact a local suicide hot line. I'm aware that you are not suggesting taking your life, but cutting yourself is destructive and while it would distract you from your immediate anxiety or pain, it has no benefits as far as fixing any of your problems. I would like to know that you have had an opportunity to talk to someone who is trained to help you. Don't let money be an issue here. There are hot-lines in most every location. I'll look on the web and see if there is a place where you can look up a local number.

Blessings!
Posted 4/12/2005 7:52 AM (GMT -8)
GIjo . . . I found a number I'd like you to try.  You may have helped many others who have not posted!!  This info was found on-line. 

National Suicide Hotline Numbers :

1-800-SUICIDE
1-800-784-2433

http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html

Please call and give these folks a chance to help you.

Blessings!

Posted 4/12/2005 9:11 AM (GMT -8)
rosie thanks for your reply i understand that cutting myself is destructive and it has no benefits whats so ever, but i was very shocked at the urge that i had, i have never felt that strong of urge b4, please note that i have totaly resisted the urge.
The number that you have given me is for USA right?
Im in UK. but ill have a look at the website see if gives any info.
I have already been in touch with doctor and a community Physciatric nurse(abiut 2 weeks ago) but my next appointment isnt till the 22nd with them both

thanks so much for replying, it does mean a lot to me.
peace
JO
Posted 4/12/2005 9:25 AM (GMT -8)
Jo . . . sorry that's not a viable number for you, I found it by using Google and typing "Suicide Hotline" . . . maybe you could find something similar in your area by adding the word UK.

I just have a strong feeling that talking to a professional would be of a large benefit to you. It's hard for a lay person to understand all the fine facets of depression and hurting one's self. You are a brave person for revealing this urge. And, again . . . you have likely helped a number of people by being so verbal about your feelings.

Keep us posted.

Blessings!
Posted 4/12/2005 9:32 AM (GMT -8)
thanks rosie, im going to try something. im chatting with my partner now, he is quite aware of most what is happening. So ill carry on from here, which is all i can and will do at the moment.

Peace
Posted 4/12/2005 9:57 AM (GMT -8)
nono  Thats a BIG nono You have got to stop beating up on yourself. Not knowing your situation, we can't help you or give our feedback but we can help you by being here. What is it that is frightening you? Why are you so down on yourself? This is not healthy situation for you. Did something trigger this post? Please respond so we can assist. I will pray that you do!

"Lefty" smurf

Posted 4/12/2005 1:50 PM (GMT -8)
Hang in there. Wish I could say or do more to help other than keep facing each day and look for the good in them. Not always very apparent but good is always there.
Posted 4/13/2005 9:46 AM (GMT -8)

Hi Lefty :-)  

I have been down on myself for a while and feel like ive just got over the really low patch, things are not good now but i feel better than i did a couple of weeks ago.

I posted yesterdays note becuase i was frightened of my self ii had such a strong urge to hurt myself i had to get it out and tell someone or i probably would have done it.

My situation is that i have depression but havent really got a reason to be depressed which has really frustrated me

I need to help myself as the proffesionals are not helping. but it seems the more i want to get better the worse i get which frustrate me even more

I cant even help myself! Its all so frustrating

Posted 4/13/2005 9:50 AM (GMT -8)
Hey Jo . . . I have depression with no depressing life issues. Three different docs told me I was depressed before I realized learned that there does not need to be issues to be depressed. For me it is a chemical imbalance in the brain. But when you are like that . . . and do have issues they seem insurmountable. Add my chronic illness to the mix and I am just asking for trouble if I don't stay on my meds.

I hope that helps a little.

Blessings!
Posted 4/14/2005 3:24 AM (GMT -8)
.........................an update>>>>>>>>>>>>

 Just thought id let you know, i have just got off the phone with my new CPN office, i have never spoken with them b4.

 I didnt get into any details with the lady who answered the phone and she didnt ask any questions, just my name.

Well now my new CPN is going to contact me tomorrow, 

wow thast feels good help may be coming tomorrow.

have a good day.

Posted 4/14/2005 5:10 AM (GMT -8)
Great news JO!! Keep us posted. (Are you ready with a little written info to help you talk to him/her when they call?)
Posted 4/14/2005 5:48 AM (GMT -8)
the only thing i have written down is a little diary, of whats been happening for past few weeks, the CPN told me this might be a good idea.
do you think i should show them this?
Posted 4/14/2005 6:49 AM (GMT -8)
You will at least have a base for your feelings. Depending on the day, we have waves of feeling desparate or feeling ok and the diary will be a helpful tool to discuss how you feel when you are down. It is also thereputic in that the written word has a black and white value, where thoughts swirling around in your head are likely to feel more intense than they need to be.
Posted 4/15/2005 1:55 AM (GMT -8)
>>>>>>>>>>>update>>>>>>>>
The new cpn has just phoned me, Shes only down the road from me!!!!!
Anyway nothing much was said, just have arranged an appointment for MON. suppose its another start......just get to get to monday now.
Posted 4/15/2005 5:17 AM (GMT -8)
Jo,

Great!!! and so close to home! It IS another start. I am very happy for you and am hopeful that this will be the beginning of a happier you. It is hard work . . . but sooo worthwhile. Keep us posted.

Blessings!
Posted 4/18/2005 7:56 AM (GMT -8)

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Just been to see this new CPN, dont know what i was expecting from her, but i know what i got.......nothing, well it feels like nothing.

We were there for about an hour, and i told her whats been happening etc.

All that has come out of our session is that i should go and see my GP again.....oh and also we have made an appointment to meet again in 2 WEEKS TIME. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

This is the same info that all of the others have given me" go see your GP" but when i go and see the GP he tells me to speak to the CPN who have just told me to go and see him.??????????????????????????????????????????????????????? its like im going round and round in circles. sorry to be so down but i dont feel they have helped in anyway, they havnt given me any advice on how to cope never mind moving forwards and getting over this depression.

it feels like i have no option left, i am at a loss.


Post Edited (GIjo) : 4/18/2005 1:48:14 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/18/2005 11:00 AM (GMT -8)
Try to get them to talk to one another. Sometimes difficult to do and maybe it is time to seek a new GP. I know that it takes time, but the seesions I have had build upon the previous and that the two weeks alows me to work on the assingments given.
Posted 4/18/2005 12:05 PM (GMT -8)
Jo,

Randy (CheerDad) had a great suggestion. Have the CPN (what is a CPN?) talk to the doctor. or have the doctor talk to the CPN. Ask the CPN at your next visit:

"What can I expect to accomplish in my sessions with you?",
"How long does this typically take?"
"Is there anything I can do to expedite things?"

Be prepared to have her ask you what you expect to accomplish. But, I would want to know her take on those things. You could also ask her what she expects the GP to do for you.

Try to be proactive for yourself. It is hard, but if you go to your GP and your CPN with a list of questions, then you won't forget or chicken out.

Please keep trying and do keep us posted.

Blessings!
Posted 4/18/2005 12:21 PM (GMT -8)
thanks rosie. a CPN is a Community Physciatric Nurse

I do need to be proactive for myself, i realise that, so much stuff to sort out, unsure where to start. but im going to start somewhere, i cant keep going on like this.
I honestly think that these "proffesionals" are unable help me at all, I dont they have any help to give.
Not sure if i can see the CPN again, as i phoned her office and asked the receptionist to cancel any further appointment. Dont know if the CPN will get the message though as the lady insisted on calling me TONY, i told her my name, and it isnt tony

Post Edited (GIjo) : 4/19/2005 2:17:12 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/18/2005 5:27 PM (GMT -8)
Jo,

Thanks for spelling out CPN for me.

They haven't helped you YET because it will take some time to establish what, exactly, it is that they can help you with. This process of "connect the dots" has a different time frame for each patient. The more you are able to express yourself, the faster they will be able to determine how best to help you. That's one big reason that writing when you feel somewhat communicative is so helpful.

I would call back and 'confirm' your appointment. If it has been canceled, you can just tell them the truth . . . that you have been feeling confused and frustrated. They are mental health professionals, they should be able to cope with this as long as you are polite.

I hope your next session is more productive for you. Keep us posted.

Blessings!
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