Speaking my heart for once (without feeling judged for once, well hopefully)

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New Member

Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 1/16/2012 6:59 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey everyone, here is my story! :) Comment on your thoughts and advice, please and thank-you! :)
Okay so I'm your average 18 year old teenage girl who likes to hang out with friends, drink on weekends (but not to stupid excessive amounts where I pass out, I know my limit). I completed Year 12 successfully which is a real achieviement for me, I didn't think I would make it past year 7 but I did and I'm proud of myself for that.
So my life has never been easy but it hasn't been the worst it could be im kind of in the middle. As a child I suffered from severe Epilepsy and I had terrible fits and its caused me to have intellectual problems and I don't remember very much at all because of that. I was bullied to horrible extremes when I was in primary school for being the "ranga with big glasses" and I had low self esteem and very low confidence in myself and that caused me to have bad grades but also my epilepsy impacted on that. My father was a horrible horrible alcoholic who abused us kids and Mum, but thankfully he has given up now YAY! If he didn't the doctors told him if he hadn't of given up when he did he could have possibly died which woke him up ALOT.
Since I was about 12 I have practically raised my self and taken on alot of responsibilty because mum and dad were always fighting and my brother and sister had left home by then. So Ive been looking after my self for years and been very independant.
In 2009 this is when it all went downhill...
 Things were going good in a way but worse also in another way which I was aware of but anything I was saying didn't seem to help or change her mind, my parents divorced my mum was the one who walked out on dad because she had had enough and was cheating on dad. Now get this, my parents were too gutless to tell me they asked my dads sisters to tell me. So they took me to our local cafe and tell me that way (which I will never forgive any of them for that). People were coming and going from the shop and I was crying and crying, it wasnt helping that people were coming up every 5 seconds asking me what was wrong, just made things harder.
 So mum left in about 2 weeks after that. When Mum left I went down hill dramatically, I had eating disorders physically making myself sick by sticking my fingers down my throat after eating or just doing it cause I felt like it, I was very emotional and just kept getting worse and worse my teachers and family were very concerned about me so they signed me up to see our school chaplin who helped me dramatically and I dont think I could thank her enough, I also was signed up to go and see a professional counsillor by my family because they were very worried. That one day they took me to the doctor and had diagnosed me with depression I was then medicated from that point on. I took them for a while but then gave up because I felt as if they were doing nothing and threw them in the bin and since that day I haven't taken my tablets (Im doing okay but could be better). In 2010 i lost one of the most important person in my life, my pop, I loved him dramatically he was one of my biggest idols in my life and I miss him every single day. He survived 12 days after the diagnosis, one of the worst days of my life so far. But the same goes when my little sister died (still born) she didnt survive. Ive always wished for a little sibling no matter what gender. I miss her every day and love her to bits no matter what, there is NOT a single day go by that i dont think what life would be like if she was here.
 Since he has left my relationship with my Nan has decreased and its sad, I try to be there for her but she pushes me away and she feels as if shes always in the wrong with me and I never see her but when I do she just judges me and yells at me, always picking and it hurts alot. So im trying to figure myself out at the moment and have some "ME" time which is needed. Then i will go see her and talk to her and just say look when i see you you always go off at me no matter what and thats what puts me off and it hurts and there is only so much that I can take.
So with my depression i am coping i have break downs, my moods are like a roller coaster, one minute I will be fine then the next i may be in tears or just feeling down, i get very grumpy and snappy. Some days I will just sit there in complete silence and much more but I wont go on and on.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 1/16/2012 10:20 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Caseya2011,

First of all I want to warn you not to drink. It is bad for your epilepsy and for depression. So try to keep that at a minimum. It may be what is causeing you to be depressed.

Secondly, check out a counselor. It sounds like you could use some direction in your life. They really help. I have been going to one for years as many of us here have. They keep me sane. I don't know what I would do about mine. She is wonderful... I hope to see her today weather permitting.

Know that we all care here about you. There will be others on to post to you soon. People are just getting up. And some of us aren't from US so we post at different times of the day.

Keep the faith Caseya. Know that you are a good person. Try not to let what others say and do effect your life and the way that you feel. You deserve to be happy.

Keep posting.

Know we are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 1/16/2012 5:24 PM (GMT -6)   
hi ya, therapy is also really helping me. welcome to the forum. keep strong and know that we care. with healing compassion, jamie


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