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life, a maze
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 1/17/2012 1:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi everyone. I'm 20 years old. I loved a guy. We were in a relationship for 4 years. He was my life. I actually served him. I was there when he needed me. He cried, I cried. He was happy, I was happy. I would never spend his single penny. It was like a dream come true. He did the same for me. Maybe more.

But we were easily provoked. We fought a lot. We were heck of possessive people. He did A LOTTT for me. Never i had felt this way in my life.

But turns out, a week ago, we fought and we screwed things up yet again. I messaged him NOT being nice and was rude. Turns out that that message was sort of an incentive for both of us. I got to know his real face. He then messaged me. It was not one of his angry tones. He sounded very placid, as if he meant everything he said.

In that message he said that he always wanted to sleep with me and this was his very motive through the very beginning. He said that that's what women ultimately deserve, sleep with them and throw them away and that I was yet another girl he used and now threw away. (Here i must tell u that we never slept together and we have never gone far enough though he wanted to but i kept stepping away) He said that I was a ***** and a **** and that my parents would be proud of me. He said that he would love my future husband to find out how such a big ***** I was. He kept lol-ing after every sentence and made fun of me. I feel so shallow.

That coming from him was a shock for me. I haven't yet recovered from the shock. He was not even the last person I thought i would hear such things from. I never cheated on him. But he has cheated the whole relationship. What was my mistake. He pulled my loving parents in it and i feel helpless and good for nothing.

I din't reply to his last message. Im a loser that i din't and he won this game. He came out of it CLEAN. But i couldn't be so rude to him and abuse him so badly and lie that this relation dint matter to me. Every minute of these 4 years i had been loyal.. which was useless. I feel bad for all the girls that have their hearts broken because of him. I prayed for them and I prayed for him to come to right path and be forgiven for all the sins he did.

I have switched off my phone and i ll turn it on when im okay, with a different number. Please help me out. Please find a way for me. Im so miserable. I hate myself being so helpless and needy. But my life sucks. I cant go to a counselor thats for sure.

I have no friends. They gave up on me as my ex was all that I had in life. Your reading is more than enough. Otherwise no one would give a crap to read my story. Thank u.

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 1/17/2012 2:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Sounds like to me the real loser is this guy.

In life the real winners are measured by how they treat themselves and other people. Being mean, intentionally trying to hurt others, taking cheap shots are not what winners do. It is what those with little or no self esteem do to make themselves feel powerful and worth something even though it is an illusion.

Be true to yourself and let this jerk fade into the past where he belongs. He does not deserve your love or your time. Yes, it will hurt for a while but time will make the pain fade.

In the meantime work on making a life for yourself. Learn what makes you happy independent of anyone else. Find out who you truly are and before you know it you will have real friends of your own and one day you will meet a man who knows what it is to love and be loved.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.
Moderator Depression Forum.

life, a maze
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 1/17/2012 2:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank u so much, it means a lot to me. I'm in shock that how can somebody fake himself for 4 years? how can he fake that he loves me every minute of the the day? and how can i be so vain to not find out the real side of him.. Especially when he knew that i loved him truly. He kept telling me that nobody did and would love him as much as i did. He loved talking to me. He called me every hour and messaged me every minute. Was that part of the game too?? or has his anger blinded him? I fail to answer these questions.

My life depended on him. I really like ur advice. Before him and even now im a very career oriented person. I love drawing and i'm studying it too. I have high ambitions and no boys are going to bring me down now. I just hope that he realize some day that how much damage he has caused me..

Thanku so much!! :)

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42289
   Posted 1/17/2012 2:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Life,

Welcome to the depression forum. I think Jim gave you some very good advice. But I have one question. Why is it that you can't go to counseling? I think it would be very good for you. You would acquire self confidence, self love and growth. It would help you through all of this emotional stuff too. You sound like a very nice person, and I agree with Jim, this guy is a loser. He took advantage of your good nature and then threw it in your face. Nobody deserves this. So keep moving forward, leave him in the past where he belongs.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

daisy76
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 218
   Posted 1/17/2012 5:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Life,
I believe that what he said to you was out of desperation and anger (this does not excuse it) No matter his reasons, would it be enough for you to realize that you deserve better and do not deserve to have someone say such cruel and ugly things to you?
I only said the first part because I wanted you to understand that people can put on convincing facades when they are hurting and I think that realizing that, though not excusing it, is essential in how you move beyond this. That's just my own oppinion.
Irregardless, you deserve better.
Please keep coming back and sharing with us. Don't keep this in, especially if you feel that you can't see a councelor.
Amber

"But that was yesterday and I was a different person then" - Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

life, a maze
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 1/18/2012 3:54 AM (GMT -6)   
Karen- Thank u so much. I cant go see a counselor because atm where i live there aren't many counselors. I actually know about none. Have heard about a few from people i know. Secondly i dont believe in it, cause probably i dont have the courage to face some one and tell them how crap my life is. So turns out i wont go for counselling at all!

The problem is with me. Im working things out for myself. I have vacations atm so i watch movies and listen to music. Though i cant stand love songs and romantic movies, Lol. They blow me up! His words stay with me all day, whatever im doing they never leave me. Nights are very hard. Because of the silence that kills me but i'm managing.

life, a maze
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 1/18/2012 4:07 AM (GMT -6)   
Amber- Thank u so very much! U literally answered all of my questions and I agree with u on all the points. But yes this is NOT going to be an excuse at all. Karen and Jim are right that I should leave him in the past where he belongs. Initially its going to be hard but eventually things will turn right and back to normal. Thanks! <3 :)

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42289
   Posted 1/18/2012 6:51 AM (GMT -6)   
It is your choice if you don't want to see a counselor. They don't tell you your life is crappy. They help you along.

Normal is not being talked down to and treated like crap. I hope you learn from this relationship.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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