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Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 1/20/2012 6:04 PM (GMT -6)   
I just got back from therapy, and my therapist said it would be helpful if I expressed anger more often, because I usually direct it inward and I'm constantly brooding when I'm alone :(

As soon as I got in the car I started in with the negative thoughts. I had mentioned that maybe I should start dating girls because things haven't been working with guys...and he said "well it's not easy to date a girl" It was meant to be a joke partly and I laughed. But it reminded me of my ex and the things he said that really made me mad. He basically had the view that girls and guys are completely different in every way, and that guys only care about sex whereas girls are always more emotional and caring....that's the jist of what he said. And my view is that every person, man or woman is different, it's not all based on their gender. There are certain physiological differences obviously but as far as character...I've seen men who were moody and into stereotypical "women" things and women who were vice versa. So it can't all be lumped into two categories like that. He tried to say all the problems in our relationsihp were based on my mental illness too and that 's just not true. GRRRRRR. Such bullcrap.

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 1/20/2012 6:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Aw, don't let anyone ever tell you that something is all your fault. There were 2 people in the relationship, not just you. Venting is always good, and I agree that those are heavy stereotypes for men and women. I think a lot of it has to do with how men and women think they are "supposed" to act based on what people say and how they treat them. We buy 5 year old girls baby dolls and kitchen sets, while boys are encouraged to play with cars, and they often aren't given the opportunity to cross roles. How many people make fun of little boys playing with Barbies? I've definitely dated some emotional guys and known some girls who just don't care about anyone. Sounds to me like you're thinking clearly and making some progress.

"Life's journey is like driving at night in the fog.
You can only see as far as your headlights,
but you can make the whole trip that way."

Chronic Lyme, Depression, Anxiety, 12+ Years

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 1/20/2012 10:41 PM (GMT -6)   
that was wrong of your therapist. so sorry. with much healing compassion, jamie

your a good person, never forget it!!!



Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 1/21/2012 1:34 AM (GMT -6)   
SJ Asian escorts?

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 1/21/2012 1:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Yeah the stereotypes just seem still makes me mad :/ I'm going to write all my angry thoughts haha because I don't have much other outlet for my anger...I don't usually take my anger out on other people, it's just not how I am.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/22/2012 8:09 PM (GMT -6)   
May I kindly suggest you look into finding a new therapist as the one you have does not appear to be a good fit for you or for anyone if he is blaming you for everything wrong in your relationship. Therapists are not supposed to blame you for anything.  This is your therapy and making judgement statements seems so wrong.
I used to tell myself that I was 99% the blame for the failure of my first marriage.  When I said this my therapist looked at me like I had 2 heads and asked me if I really believed this ?  I said no but it always seemed easier to take the blame but no more.   It takes two to make a relationship work and lots of good communication as well as love and respect.
I wish you peace,

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 615
   Posted 1/23/2012 12:13 AM (GMT -6)   
Elf....I have to agree with Kitt, I do not think this therapist is a good fit. Maybe try another sometimes you have to try a few before you get a good fit. I wish you all the best

Take care, Amy
Chronic Pain(nerve), fibro, mild depression and a few others

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 76
   Posted 1/23/2012 3:20 PM (GMT -6)   
hi elf, i too agree, there are so many therapist's out there, maybe it's time to move on.
i have problems with letting out anger. i tend to hold it in, alot like my dad was.
but what to do with it??? if u figure it out maybe u can let me know. ok???
meanwhile don't be so hard on urself. relationships work only if both are working together. wether it's hetro, metro, homo, gay, lesbian, whatever you can't put a gender on the answer.
hang in there, be kind to urself.

It's Genetic
Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 1/23/2012 3:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello, elfenprincess,

First, it's not wrong to let anger out. So long as it is controlled and is used to discipline someone who is uninformed about how to manage anger, it is a necessary survival help. We were given the ability to be angry to protect ourselves physically or to retain our integrity.  I think what people are opposed to is the violent anger of people who are mentally ill and ignorant of methods of handling anger productively.

I was reared in a family also in which it was considered wrong to show anger. That was an incorrect method of teaching how to manage anger. Bottling it up will only rebound against you.

Some good ideas for releasing anger if it is impossible to speak to someone civilly who is causing the anger are some of the following:

1. Please read; it's a great tension reliever, and anger creates tension.
2. Physical exercise is helpful because it also reduces tension.
3. Healthy men  often get anger out by doing heavy physical work such as cutting down a tree; one woman I've heard about gets down on her hands and knees and scrubs her kitchen floor to release anger.
4. Sewing or knitting for women is helpful as a release.
5. Saying the rosary for Catholics helps and for other religions, I would think meditation, prayer and simple little paperbacks like "Keep It Simple" and "Forgiving and Moving on" are helpful.
6. Painting a room or a picture --anything creative will help dissolve the anger that cannot be directed appropriately to the person causing it.

Please do not ever think that anger is an emotion that is inappropriate; I still have trouble getting it out calmly, but all we can do is work at it. Life is a growing and evolving situation for all of us. I read recently that hot-tempered people are just often born with a more sensitive temperament and have a low-boiling point for anger (more so than other types).

It is healthy to get anger out in healthy ways; that is, a calm, rational manner. That's the best way to describe it that I know.  In some small way, I think that might be what your psychiatrist is suggesting.  I remember clearly telling a psychiatrist that I felt guilty about releasing anger at someone, and he said, "well, he didn't disintegrate, did he?"  What he was saying is that every now and then it doesn't hurt to discipline to teach.  We teach children by love and discipline--with larger amounts leaning toward love, of course and with gentleness in discipline.
Take care.

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 1/24/2012 12:51:25 PM (GMT-7)

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