I really didn't mean to come across as judgemental, but I agree in hindsight some of my phrasing could be taken that way, and for that
I apologize. From your last explanation, it's much more clear that you clocked in a lot more hours with this chick than it originally sounded, and that it went from zero to mega-crisis on a fairly regular basis. I'm sure that's not what you signed up for, but when you allow yourself to get emotionally invested in someone like that, I know what it's like to feel like if you give the relationship everything you've got, somehow it's bound to fix the other person. Unfortunately, there are some people that are just beyond that kind of devotion. No matter how much love, attention, and understanding you give them, it's just never right or enough for them.
I'm one of those people who finds it really hard to throw in the towel on a relationship myself, but the older I get, the more I recognize that we are responsible for our own happiness, and that can't be dependent on any other single person. A year ago, I myself was out trolling the bars with my friends, looking for "Mr. Right." I was bouncing from one needy guy with emotional baggage to another, with nobody ready for(or wanting) a real "relationship." I ended up meeting a guy, Steve, who informed me after two weeks of hot and heavy dating, that he was on the "rebound," so I shouldn't expect anything serious from him. I backed off and just took a "we'll hang out when and if you want to" approach, and March 17th we will have been together exclusively for a whole year. I have to admit I've treated him EXTREMELY WELL, done the occasional little surprise thing, but have been very conscious of not having to be constant communication with him or making demands on his time. The result has been that been that we no longer go hang out drinking in bars, but he spends the three days a week he's not working essentially living at my place. He even has a drawer to keep his clothes in...so I guess I've made it past being the "rebound" chick.
Mind you, it hasn't been a cakewalk...I had to overcome the damage from the witch that created the "rebound" situation, not to mention, a fiance that bailed on him while he was in the ARMY in Afghanistan, and an ex-wife that left him with two babies in diapers when he was deployed as a chef in the NAVY. He has some lingering PTSD and is retired from the military on a partial disability, so I realized that there were several cans of worms that I would probably be best being there to lend an ear or shoulder to cry on if called for, but most likely, I was better off just letting sleeping dogs lie if at all possible. If he's down and wants to talk, great...but I think that just being available and open makes all the difference in the world. I don't have to make things all better for him, just provide a positive alternative for him to put his energy.
I've heard it put this way...women like to have someone simply to listen to their problems, whereas men listen with the expectation that they are being given the information in order for them to actually do something about it...two very different things. Ash...I think you may very well have been an unknowing recipient of this kind of thing. You probably spent unknown hours searching for ways to help your girl deal with her problems, when you had no real chance for successfully doing so from the very beginning. Personally, I would cut your losses and walk away knowing that you went above and beyond the call of duty. It's a hard thing to do, but remind yourself that it could have been worse...you could have had years invested in this relationship. My first fiance' dumped me out of the blue, with no warning at all, after eight years of harmony. We never even had a fight, but one day he just ended it, with no rhyme or reason, and no amount of discussion or analysis made any difference. He was just "done", and it took me close to eleven years to completely get past it. Needless to say, love isn't easy, and it sure isn't quick and clean like we would want it to be sometimes. Best of luck and keep us updated. Sorry again if I sounded too harsh previously.
•On Disability for: Chronic Migraines, serious Back and Knee problems (will need surgery eventually), moderate Depression, Anxiety/Panic disorder, TMJ, stomach problems
•Divorced, 46, spawn-free
"THE WEATHER IS HERE, I WISH YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL." -Jimmy Buffett