Thank you bayoub2. You hit the spot of where I am living right now. I am in Central America, I am originally from Brazil, and my husband is american, from the south.
I am doing alright today, but now everything I say or try to discuss he says I have mental issues. I just want to discuss.
For exemple, we were watching tv a couple of minutes ago and was showing an ad for Panama tourism featuring lots of sexy women. My country's government messed with women image in the 80's by doing the exact same thing and I wanted to discuss about it.
He said I had mental issues for trying to keep talking about it. No, it just concerns me because thanks for what Brazil government did in the 80's to attract tourism, most men in the world think Brazilians are easy, even myself already had experiences in which foreigners asked me some kinda of sexual thing even before really meet me.
I am trying to educate him about what is depression, but still he doesn't do anything about it. I sent an email for him this morning, which I want to share you guys:
(husband name, I hope the PDF and the link will help you understand that I am currently with an illness. And like any illness, I didn't chose to have it.
You play a big hole in my healing. I want to heal so bad. Depression is caused by an imbalance of chemicals on my brain, is not bullcrap. I really wish you would do some research, instead of judging me right now. This is why I am sending this PDF and link. I hope you will understand it.
Please, would you kindly join the link I sent to you and write about me and wait for the answers?
I feel like a big failure right now after hearing how ill I am, that I am the worst of the women in your life. I need you with me, I already have too much guilty, rejection and loneliness. I need your support and I bet that after doing some research you will understand that I didn't chose to be like this. I really don't.
Right now I am depressed, I don't have my own circle of friends, social friends, everything is focusing on sex, swinging. Life is not only that. I need real friends who won't want to be with me only to get into my pants. I know you're addicted to sex and might not understand it, but remember I also am and I feel the need of a social life away from sex.
But have been so long since the last time I made friends that I feel anxious and awkward to make new ones, I feel scared you gonna ask to turn them into sex again. Too much sex consuming my social life. I need more than that with other people. I feel embarrassed of talking to them, but then I get mad at myself for it.
Please, when you finish the therapy with (his ex-wife), would you finally go to the doctor for me and try to understand what is depression and that I didn't chose to be like this and I need your support more than ever?
Please? Make this effort, I already gave a huge step by asking you this, because I realize I am ill, I realize that because you don't know what it is or think you now it is too much for you.
*note: I found a pdf file on another depression forums and I sent a copy to him. I think he didn't even read the email. How can I be more clear to him??? I'm trying to heal, but I need him to help me. What else can I do??