Losing everything

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Jade Love
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 2/4/2012 5:02 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi guys,

I'm Jade. I don't know how to start this. All I know is that right now I am on the edge. i reached the limit in my life and if I don't do something I will lose the love of my life. It's hard to me to find words right now. I am just feeling hopeless. I have Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Bulimia, Social Anxiety, anger attacks, really low selfsteem and I am in a very strong depression, even taking medicine.

It is getting too much for my husband to deal with it. Specially with the suicidal thoughts. This last week I didn't think anything about suicide. And this morning, during an argument, I told him this and he said it doesn't mean anything because he doesn't believe I will change.

I feel desperate, I don't have a family, I am not in the US, I don't want to say right now where I am but I am in latin america, which treats women really bad. I've looked for some shelter or something in my home country, but I found nothing, so if he dump me, I will be also completely lost.

I want to change, I want to heal, I want to be a loving woman. I don't want to yell anymore!! He is tired of me yelling when I get upset. I want to be able to listen him without interrupting.

Besides that, I am lonely, I don't have friends, I feel scared to talk to people, I feel like I am going to do something so awkward that they will think I am stupid or they are not trustful. I have a lot of work to do, and I don't want to take pills anymore, the pills are another thing that is really upsetting him. HE said he never had anyone who he needed to hide pills afraid of me suicide.

I don't want to be this anymore.

Please give me an hand before is too late!

FamilyGuy
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 3425
   Posted 2/4/2012 7:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Jade,

You are a person. No matter what others think, you are important. You are special. Stay with us and know that there are people that care,

Jon
Jon, Co-moderator for Crohn's Disease & Celiac Disease forums

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 2/4/2012 7:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Jade,

Does he not want you to take medication for depression? Can you see a counselor while you are there? Is there anyway to get back to US? Is that where you are from?

We can't discuss suicide on the forum, so I can't go into any depth there. But I will find some numbers for you to call if you need help...

I really hope that you feel better soon and that things get better for you. I don't like to think that you are not being treated well. That just isn't right. YOu really need to be in a different culture if that is how it is there.

I have to get the numbers for you... Will be back...
 
 
National Suicide Hotline
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.

Helpful Web Sites:
Suicide Hotlines (listed by state)
Suicidal.com (includes Suicide Crisis Center and Depression and Suicide)
SuicidalTeens.com
 
 
 
I hope that this helps some...
 
Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 2/4/2012 8:50 PM (GMT -6)   
You are a strong person, it took guts to write all this, so remember that and
I hope your doing better soon...Thinking of you and use those numbers Karen/
Getting by posted, they are there to help...or try to find something online...
Go to a church there if you can and maybe see if the priests or pastors
can help you locate counseling...seek out help...wish we could do more for you...
I wonder if one of your medicines is causing so much anger for you, maybe a medication change is needed....
**********************************************
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
********>^..^<********>^..^<*******

BrianJ (bne)
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 198
   Posted 2/5/2012 1:01 AM (GMT -6)   
Jade,

You have incredible courage to take this step and make contact. I was where you are just a short 5 years ago and understand all you're feeling - you are NOT alone and are deserving of better. Please take advantage of the contacts you have been provided here. Definitely try to see a priest or pastor - they will accept you as you are, as will we. They can be a great source of strength and will help you regardless of faith.

You have great strength of character - finding this site and opening up proves that. I know it's not easy but when you start to criticize yourself try to reverse that talk by acknowledging your strengths and accomplishments. When I find myself in a 'funk' when nothing seems good or right, I look more closely at little things around me - the grass, trees, sky, spider webs....... I focus on the tiny bits of beauty that surround us constantly. If you can see the beauty in these little things you will come to see the beauty within.

Please keep your chin up and keep in touch here. We are not here to judge but to support and be supported.

Brian
Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.


- Emerson

Depression, Fibromyalgia, Tourettes, Bipolar, degenerative disc, sciatica, anxiety, RLS

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20190
   Posted 2/5/2012 3:51 AM (GMT -6)   
we do care about you. keep strong and keep posting.

with healing compassion, jamie
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

Jade Love
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 2/5/2012 3:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks everyone who share some love with me at this current moment.
Right now I need a social life, it's a big need to me.
I feel like I don't have friends nearby.

I am not in the US, so help here in Latin America, specially for mental illness and woman, it still treated like a joke. Sad and strong words, but it's the truth :(

Today my husband seems more loving and tranquil, last night we went to dinner in a restaurant. I think he is trying his best on his way to make me feel better. He asked me yesterday a couple of times after we fought if I was alright. It is like the storm had gone. But the pain still here. We slept cuddling and everything, but I feel empty.

He really never mistreat me, only in rage he yelled at me, but I understand why, he just don't know how to deal with a depressed spouse. He never had that, and all my instability, specially with suicidal thoughts - which I won't mention here anymore, sorry when I came here I was desperate and vented everything. I felt like the worst woman in his life when he said that, but now I see his words like a strength for me to change.

I really want to make my relationship work and your support is really important right now for me.

Thanks everyone for the nice words!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 2/5/2012 6:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Jade,

I hope that he doesn' yell at you much. Do you think he is under stress maybe? Are you going to any counseling? Or is that not offered there? I hope that you can find some. Here are a couple of sites that might help you... They are free...

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome

I have heard that moodgym is pretty good.

Know that even though you are far away, we are all here for you. We support you and will be there even though your darkest moments. Everybody here shares with eachother and you can be a part of that. Reading and offering advice takes your mind off of your own problems.

Keep posting.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Jade Love
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 2/5/2012 6:49 PM (GMT -6)   
He was under too much stress to because of his work, he has a partner that is always giving him problems, in both personal and professional life. Every month we end up fighting. This month I tried my best to not, while he was complaining about everything I do during an entire week. Ended that this friday I couldn't take anymore, and while I was venting about how I was feeling, he left the room and then I yelled.

I felt scared that I was losing him, at the same time I was angry about how he was acting to me the entire week.
Saturday was another hard day, but now, like I said, just seems smooth.

I just checked the links, MoodGYM looks really interesting.

I go to a psychiatrist and I am under medication, but for being under meds, my husband just don't like it. I feel like a failure that I have to use them when he says that it's sad that to live with him I need to be under medication.

I just wish it wasn't so difficult to make friends, I would have a social life and disconnect a little bit of being around him all the time. I just feel embarrassed, awkward. I just can't, get really scared of people in real life.

Thank You guys for all the support. It is really important to me!

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 2/6/2012 6:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Please tell your husband he is NOT the reason you take meds...you have a chemical imbalsnce in your brain, altho life factors do make it worse...the meds you take work o n restoring balance in the chemicals

Men yell when they get frustrated, they are wired to FIX things and when they cannot fix a problem, they get angry and frustrated. Try ot educate him on depression and meds...if he is Latino (old school) he may feel responsible for the well being of his loved ones and feels he is a failure. You both need to see the other side.

I get very anxious around people too, even folks I know but try to interact more, even with cashier at grocery store....maybe volunteer some where, with kids or animals, who are so easy to be with

I lived in Central SAmerica and I understand your dilemma...womaen are not aken serioulsy and mental illness is seen as weakness, and they usually tell you to go to Church more-lol

I hope you can find a way to move forward, getting out of yourself is critical, sitting at home always increases depression and introversion.

Welcome to our family, please feel free to talk with us here-no judgments-and now you have some friends

Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

seroquel, hydrocodone clonazepam norvasc multi vitamin and magnesium

Jade Love
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 2/6/2012 9:48 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you bayoub2. You hit the spot of where I am living right now. I am in Central America, I am originally from Brazil, and my husband is american, from the south.

I am doing alright today, but now everything I say or try to discuss he says I have mental issues. I just want to discuss.

For exemple, we were watching tv a couple of minutes ago and was showing an ad for Panama tourism featuring lots of sexy women. My country's government messed with women image in the 80's by doing the exact same thing and I wanted to discuss about it.

He said I had mental issues for trying to keep talking about it. No, it just concerns me because thanks for what Brazil government did in the 80's to attract tourism, most men in the world think Brazilians are easy, even myself already had experiences in which foreigners asked me some kinda of sexual thing even before really meet me.

I am trying to educate him about what is depression, but still he doesn't do anything about it. I sent an email for him this morning, which I want to share you guys:

(husband name, I hope the PDF and the link will help you understand that I am currently with an illness. And like any illness, I didn't chose to have it.

You play a big hole in my healing. I want to heal so bad. Depression is caused by an imbalance of chemicals on my brain, is not bullcrap. I really wish you would do some research, instead of judging me right now. This is why I am sending this PDF and link. I hope you will understand it.

Please, would you kindly join the link I sent to you and write about me and wait for the answers?

I feel like a big failure right now after hearing how ill I am, that I am the worst of the women in your life. I need you with me, I already have too much guilty, rejection and loneliness. I need your support and I bet that after doing some research you will understand that I didn't chose to be like this. I really don't.

Right now I am depressed, I don't have my own circle of friends, social friends, everything is focusing on sex, swinging. Life is not only that. I need real friends who won't want to be with me only to get into my pants. I know you're addicted to sex and might not understand it, but remember I also am and I feel the need of a social life away from sex.

But have been so long since the last time I made friends that I feel anxious and awkward to make new ones, I feel scared you gonna ask to turn them into sex again. Too much sex consuming my social life. I need more than that with other people. I feel embarrassed of talking to them, but then I get mad at myself for it.

Please, when you finish the therapy with (his ex-wife), would you finally go to the doctor for me and try to understand what is depression and that I didn't chose to be like this and I need your support more than ever?

Please? Make this effort, I already gave a huge step by asking you this, because I realize I am ill, I realize that because you don't know what it is or think you now it is too much for you.

Please.



*note: I found a pdf file on another depression forums and I sent a copy to him. I think he didn't even read the email. How can I be more clear to him??? I'm trying to heal, but I need him to help me. What else can I do??

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 2/7/2012 8:31 AM (GMT -6)   
You might have to do this on your own. With the sexual lifestyle behind you. You may have to break it off with him to get better. Unless you are enjoying the swinging too. Then I think educating him is perfect. It is very complicated. I will write more after I have more coffee. Sorry. I just got up.

Know that we care about you and your happiness.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 2/8/2012 6:25 AM (GMT -6)   
This "swinging" thing-is that ihis idea? I know I would be very depressed and angry if my hubby was sleeping with other women.

I cannot imagine the painyou are going thru-that lifestyle is not marriage and can only bring more trouble to your mariage.

I don't know jade, I would have to think about leaving. Why did his first wife leave?

My heart aches for you,,,you must feel very alone..please feel free to email me to talk...you are in over your head

Many prayers
maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

seroquel, hydrocodone clonazepam norvasc multi vitamin and magnesium

Jade Love
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 2/13/2012 10:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Ok guys, thanks for all the comfort here.
I am about to get dumped by my husband.
Things went really bad.
This might be the last post here because back in Brazil I don't even have a house to live.

But thank you for everything.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 2/14/2012 7:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Sorry to hear this Jade Love,

Keep us posted, if you are able to...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Friday, June 22, 2018 3:39 AM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 2,974,375 posts in 326,171 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 161248 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Raji Morgan.
254 Guest(s), 1 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
TheJay