First time seeking help

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Littlebrother
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 2/6/2012 7:44 AM (GMT -6)   
Dear readers from around the world.

Let me start by saying i am a 19 year old male who is a christian from the bible of king james and is closested homo.

Ever since i was 3-4 , i knew i was gay.

Growing up my parents were always fighting.. Eventually they divorced when i was 7 and then no longer living with mum.

I have 2 older sisters 4 and 12 years older then me. I used to have a brother but he suicided when i was 12.

I used to be close with my brother but then he started stealing my money which i saved up as a kid, games, playstations, tv, sisters phones etc and traded it tothe pawn shop to get drugs.

I didnt talk to him, not 1 word for 3 months then 1 morning before school heard my dad in agony. And had seen my older brother deceassed.

That day i remember i did not cry. I was in shock, didnt know what to think.

I started going to youth groups and learning about god .. To realise that homos are not accepted in christian society.

Throughout these years ive been battling to become good in gods book, however am still attracted to male.

Im 19 now and my family is starting to find out i am gay because i havent ever had a girlfriend. So i stay away from them, dont visit them much and feel very sad about it maybe because i care abt them but dont want to speak with them.

I had a boyfriend when i was 12. Broke up with him because i tried to be right, ended up failing.

I use to like some guys in school but just end up getting heartbroken because they end up getting a girlfriend.

 Still attracted to males. Still believe in christ. Still closeted. Still deppressed. Starting to loose my memory. Nothing in life interest me anymore. Im waiting to die naturally(dont want to suicide because brother did and lots of pain towards family).. Im hurt but cant explain

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 2/6/2012 7:04:39 AM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 2/6/2012 9:02 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Little brother.

I am glad that you have joined us. We aren't suppose to talk about drugs, religion or suicide here. But I want to try to talk to you a little without breaking rules.

If you are going to practice religion, I suggest you just go to learn about the Lord and keep your sexuality out of it. Dress appropriately and respect the practice. Learn what you can. If going is difficult, there are many online churches that you can listen to. But I can't go further into that.

I feel you are still dealing with the loss of your brother. Have you been to any grief counseling? It can effect you for years to come if you don't deal with it. And I want to say I am sorry about the loss of your brother.

Do you work anywhere or are you still in school?

I am sorry for the way that you are feeling. Try to spend one day straight and see how you do. Maybe the substances are interfering with your healing. It does happen. If you are staying stoned all the time, you aren't dealing with life. Give it a try. You would be surprised how good you can feel without smoking. I can't go into that anymore either. It is against the rules. I just want you to know I am concerned.

I am going to have to edit your post. I am sorry but we have rules to follow. A lot of us have our emails in our profile, so if you would like to go in depth with your situation, you can email one of us.

I think you are very worried about your sexuality. Just go with it. Wait and see what it is that you want. If you are not sure if you are attracted to women, you could still be on the fence. Trust your mind and body. Find out what it is you really want.

Keep posting. Please go over forum rules.

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 2/6/2012 11:31 AM (GMT -6)   
Not all church feel that way towards your sexual orientation, maybe look for one
that is more open to you...a lot of things have changed in churchs with what your
going thru....more church's are now accepting...My church back home has
accepted a man that became a women (totally changed with surgery)...Just
go and visit each church and see how the people are viewed....
Hope this will help, and many sympathies about your brother...and I urge you
to seek out counseling help with that as it does seem you need to grieve....
We might not be able to pick our families, but we can pick whom are friends are....
**********************************************
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
********>^..^<********>^..^<*******

beagleman
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 227
   Posted 2/7/2012 5:14 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello, one good thing I have learnt from the bible is not to judge. I have worked in gaols most of my adult life with many crimes very disturbing, but through god i have learnt not to judge. I dont consider myself to be a good christian but I still have learnt a lot of good values from the church. My church is Hillsong, very loving church, and you know all people are accepted. If you are christian one thing that is certain is god loves you more than anyone, he loves you so much, you just have to believe. Also Karen has helped me so much I cannot explain, she is very experienced in depression issues. Good luck Littlebrother and never give up.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 2/7/2012 5:38 AM (GMT -6)   
took guts to tell us your situation littlebrother. keep strong, we care. with much healing compassion to you, jamie. my deepest condolences over your loss.
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

Littlebrother
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 2/8/2012 6:20 AM (GMT -6)   
thank you all for your kind words and replies. greatly appreciated.

getting by said...
Hi Little brother.

I am glad that you have joined us. We aren't suppose to talk about drugs, religion or suicide here. But I want to try to talk to you a little without breaking rules.

If you are going to practice religion, I suggest you just go to learn about the Lord and keep your sexuality out of it. Dress appropriately and respect the practice. Learn what you can. If going is difficult, there are many online churches that you can listen to. But I can't go further into that.

I feel you are still dealing with the loss of your brother. Have you been to any grief counseling? It can effect you for years to come if you don't deal with it. And I want to say I am sorry about the loss of your brother.

Do you work anywhere or are you still in school?

I am sorry for the way that you are feeling. Try to spend one day straight and see how you do. Maybe the substances are interfering with your healing. It does happen. If you are staying stoned all the time, you aren't dealing with life. Give it a try. You would be surprised how good you can feel without smoking. I can't go into that anymore either. It is against the rules. I just want you to know I am concerned.

I am going to have to edit your post. I am sorry but we have rules to follow. A lot of us have our emails in our profile, so if you would like to go in depth with your situation, you can email one of us.

I think you are very worried about your sexuality. Just go with it. Wait and see what it is that you want. If you are not sure if you are attracted to women, you could still be on the fence. Trust your mind and body. Find out what it is you really want.

Keep posting. Please go over forum rules.

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen


sorry to break the rules karen,

i have not been to any counselling.

and i do work now, full time.

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 2/8/2012 6:38 AM (GMT -6)   
My sister is openly gay and very active in an aepiscopal church-God is Love-for all

Try to find an open minded church-there are more and more of them. Your sexual orientastion is nothing to be ashamed about. Please practice safe sex and look for a long term realtionship, Do not let this one aspect ruin your life.

My sister is very educated, kind and successful because she accepts who she is-it is not an obstacle, it is just part of who you are

I am VERY sorry about your brother-drugs only ruin lives-learn a lesson from him

I feel for you, you sound very lonely and I hope coming here will help. A s Karen said, many of us have emails in our profile

Take csare Littlebrother\
Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

seroquel, hydrocodone clonazepam norvasc multi vitamin and magnesium

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 2/8/2012 7:01 AM (GMT -6)   
Keep posting, know that we all care about you. I hope that you are feeling better today.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

justwant2bemeagain
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2011
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 2/8/2012 7:12 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear Little Brother,

I have to agree with Beagleman. I am a christian and as a christian you don't judge anyone !! With that said, I have a female cousin and a male cousin that are gay and I love them very much. I don't care what they do in their bedrooms. I am sorry about the loss of your brother, I know that it isn't easy to understand life sometimes, but if you can move forward and learn from what you have witnessed in your short life, you will be okay. Talking about it is the first step in healing. I also am greatful for your honesty... Telling people that you are gay is not an easy thing to do. It is better for people in your life to love you for who and what you are, rather than for what and who you are not!! You are loved no matter what... It dosen't matter if you are straight or gay or otherwise!!
God loves all of us !! Keep your chin up and know that you are excepted here for who you are !!! Hope you feel better very soon.
Blessings, Michelle :-)

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 2/11/2012 2:10 AM (GMT -6)   
how are you doing littlebrother? with kindness, jamie
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.
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