I don't know what to do!

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New Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 4/16/2005 5:06 AM (GMT -6)   

I thought I could use some advice!

For a while now, the last month, my 4 year relationship with my boyfriend has become extremely painful.  My boyfriend has a major depression problem, he doesn’t work and spends almost all of his time on the computer or sleeping. He doesn’t acknowledge me when I’m around (in the same room), sometimes he doesn’t even talk to me for days. He never tries to be intimate, he just doesn’t do anything to keep the relationship going. When I try to talk to him about it, he says he doesn’t want to hear it and doesn’t cooperate with me and just gets mad and threatens me if I don’t stop trying to talk to him. The one thing that I can get out of him, is that he does love me and wants/needs to stay together.

He’s also a ****ography addict. I think it adds to his depression because he says that he can’t help himself. Its a big crushing bolder on our relationship because I’m utterly against ****. I can’t understand why he can’t stop because its hurting me and our relationship. I’ve been trying to help him stop for a long time, and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better.

I’ve had generalized anxiety disorder for years, and all this worrying and pain is unbearable. He won’t see a therapist with me and he wont take anti-depressants, but he still wants this relationship which he doesn’t acknowledge. It hurts so much, but I can’t leave him because I love him and I can’t abandon him when he needs help.

What can I do????

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 4/16/2005 12:01 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear Silver,

IMO You will be doing yourself AND your boyfriend much good by setting clear boundaries. You both need to share clear expectations and a plan to work toward specific goals. If you allow this relationship to wander down the path of indifference, it will not bloom. Sometimes you have to be willing to risk all to have a chance at something good. Whether or not he is depressed, he needs to understand your needs. Only you can decide where these boundaries will be set . . . but generally someone like him is just WAITING for someone to say ENOUGH!

Remember, it's just my opinion . . . but you don't sound too happy the way things are right now. You and he have much to gain by you speaking up and you seem to have little to lose.

In His Grip,
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptylene, Salagen, Lotrel
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Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 4/16/2005 2:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Please email follwoing my link in my profile. Please rest assured that his addiction is a direct result of him and has absolutely nothing to do with you.
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.
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Post Edited (CheerDad) : 4/16/2005 2:13:29 PM (GMT-6)

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