Terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

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Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 243
   Posted 2/12/2012 9:04 PM (GMT -6)   

I wrote my boyfriend a love letter last week. It was the first time I was saying "I love you". He got it on Thursday. He alluded to things I wrote in the letter, but we never talked about it outright.

I spent Saturday night with my boyfriend. We went out with some friends for drinks and everything was fine. Actually, it was great. He was being very attentive without being anti-social, and it was really a good night. We came back to my place and crashed. In the morning, I tried to broach the "I love you" topic. He freaked out and told me that "it was too strong" a statement. Now I don't know what to do because I feel like I scared him off. I wasn't expecting him to automatically say it back, but it hurt a lot more than I thought it would hearing his reaction to my saying it.

I'm on Wellbutrin and Abilify and I feel like I shouldn't be flying off the handle like this. Sundays are always bad for me, but I really feel awful today. I don't know what to do. What do you do when the person you love doesn't love you back? He does loving things for me, but can't say "I like you" let alone "I love you". I don't know. I'm just really sad and since he left I've felt incredibly lonely.

I'm so depressed.

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 2/12/2012 9:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Aww, I'm sorry he didn't respond how you had hoped. Just because he's not ready to say it doesn't mean he doesn't care for you a lot. Many people feel that those words are overused, so maybe he just wants to wait until it feels right for him to say it. You've let it be known how you feel about him and had a great time together afterward - he didn't run away after getting the letter, and that's a good sign. Men are often slower to feel comfortable admitting deep feelings like that. He might even already feel like he loves you, but is having a hard time saying it. It sounds like you have a good relationship going with him, so I wouldn't worry too much (although I know that's easier said than done). Just take it slow with him and when he does say it - you'll know he really means it.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 2/12/2012 10:13 PM (GMT -6)   
He just may need a little more time...give him that and maybe call and say hello to him tomorrow...
but don't bring it up, let him bring it up next....Guys do have a hard time with saying things...
Keep hope, and many well wishes to you....
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 2/13/2012 8:40 AM (GMT -6)   
I agree with above posts. Give him a little time to digest this. Guys are slower at showing their feelings. I think all will be okay. Try not to think about it.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

It's Genetic
Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 2/15/2012 12:59 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello, Blue Moon 878,

I remember a movie I once saw with Paul Newman as the star who was befriended by a lady who fell in love with him. She told him that she loved him, and he looked at her rather quietly and said, "do you need the words?"  She responded, "Yes, very much, and if you ever say them I'll never let you take them back." That struck a chord with me for some reason, and I never forgot it.

Maybe some men are like that; the words don't mean as much to them as the behavior does. That really is the truth in some ways. Behavior speaks far more loudly about who and what one is than words. If he's kind to you, attentive, and caring, that's part of love, if the behavior is genuine.

It could be that.

Hope you find that he can be honest with his feelings and let you know how it is with him, too.

Take care.

It's Genetic

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 243
   Posted 2/15/2012 8:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks, everyone. I guess actions do speak louder than words.
"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better."
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