I just need to let this out.

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Babiecakes28
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 2/13/2012 1:35 AM (GMT -6)   
Sorry for the length but I need to let out what is bottled up inside.

Hello, everyone.
For the first time in my life I can say I do not know what to do. I am very depressed, I am 20 years old, married and we have one child who will be 7 months tomorrow. All my life I have been very busy in sports or working, well when I met my husband I got screwed over in my job and wasn't working and I am still unemployed. That set made me unhappy, but I didn't look for work because I am in college and I was focusing on school. So being a hyper person I have no outlet for my energy to go to, so it turned into anger, I took it out on the best thing that has ever/will ever happen to me (my husband) over two years later we are still together but I no I am pushing him away, I am being very mean to him. Currently I don't know If I want to be with him because I am depressed. I have always been a loner, in elementary no one wanted to be my friend because I was different, in junior high I had friends and in high school I had friends, I am only currently friends with one person. I lost all of my friends, I feel very lonely. My husband is in the Air Force so I really only get to spend time with him on the weekends, so during the week it is just my daughter and I. I most of my friends when I married him, and the rest when I got pregnant. I do not let people get close to me because my two best friends in the whole world screwed me over big time, but I do hang out I just don't let them fully in if that makes sense. Every time I would get on Facebook and see pictures people posted of them having fun, out of town/country, at the lake, party..etc I would/still do get very depressed because I feel that I could be doing all of that if I didn't get married. I blame my husband, when in all actuality it is my fault. So I deleted my facebook, I started to feel a little happier, I started to go out and do things with my daughter, well for the past week I have been very very depressed, I look in the mirror and I tell myself how ugly I am now, how my body is disgusting (my whole stomach is full of stretch marks and when I wear a swimsuit that is the first think people look at are my stretch marks) how fat I am now, because I can't loose this baby weight. Since I have had my daughter I have had my period straight I have told my doctors and they don't do anything so now I am going to go to a new dr. I feel this is a reason why I am depressed. I beat myself up all the time (not physically) So today I was feeling extremely depressed, so I reactivated my facebook saw how a fun time everyone has been having and got mad lashed out on husband and I deleted my facebook. I feel so stupid for writing this. I don't want my daughter to see my like this. I have no one to talk to, so I had to let it out. Also two weeks ago I had a chest x-ray and they found something so I have an MRI this month. I am upset about that, I think about it ever day. I also do not no what I want to be when I get older and I friends with someone who is about to start med school, so it sucks it leaves me lost and confused. All I do is sit home all day and think and think and think, I try to go things with my daughter but I am still not making friends but at least my daughter is =].


sorry that this is very jumbled I suck at writing. Am I over reacting? Should I try to rekindle some friendships? It is just hard to hang out with people who do not have kids.

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 2/13/2012 7:27 AM (GMT -6)   
our wuole life has changed ina vey short time. I am a person who needs alot of lone time and getting married reallly pushed me to mylimits-all that togetherness, but I loved him. We are married 20 yrs so he know s to give me space....NUT that can also turn you into an isolator, a classic depression tactic...we lose our friends our social connects, even family and sit at home over thinking everything.

I had my only child when I was 43 and I was so overwhelmed-hubby worked 6 12 hour shifts so like you, it was just me and the baby, no friends to talk to...our identity chnages overnite

I really feel like 1. Have a night out with hubby 2. Get a mental health counselor (much of this may be postpartum) 3. consider meds 4. find a playgroup for yourchild and you will meet others in the same situation...It is very difficult keeping single friends who don't have children so seek out a play group 5. put that lil bundle in a stroller and walk (very good for depression and our bods) 6. buy a pretty one piece bathing suit, try some Mederma and the heck with everyone elese....did they just give birth to a bowling ball-LOL?

I really hope you get back out in the world for you and your daughter.

Keep posting ang let us know
Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

seroquel, hydrocodone clonazepam norvasc multi vitamin and magnesium

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 2/13/2012 8:54 AM (GMT -6)   
I think you have gotten some very good advice. I would like to reinforce the counseling. I really think that it would help you. You could very well have post partum depression. That can get serious. Do seek out a counselor and see what kind of help you can get. You can be happy. I promise...

Welcome to the forum...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Babiecakes28
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 2/13/2012 3:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello all,

Right after I had her I did go seek some help, and the counselor just told me what I am feeling is normal and just handed me a piece of paper on breathing techniques on when I feel mad. I have tried play groups and we were going on a playdate about 3 times a week, the problem is the other got mad that my daughter is more advanced then her son so she quit being my friend, but to be honest I didn't think when you are parent you compare your kid to other peoples kids. Every Tuesday we go to mommy and me yoga. I think I need to find another play group because every child is different and I should surround myself around people who I understand that. I have tried Merderma for my stretch marks it was working but I no the secret on what why Merderma works so I have been using some other thing, but maybe I should start using Merderma and the other lotion at the same time. Ya I no right lol my bowling ball had me gain 54 pounds lol Once it gets a little warmer I am going to start taking her to the parks, My daughter doesn't like to go on walks lol My husband and I do need a date night that is for sure. Especially since on V-DAY we won't even see each others.


thanks for reading and responding =]

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 2/13/2012 6:45 PM (GMT -6)   
I think you are right about finding another play group. And kudos for you with the 'mommy and me yoga'. That is so cool. Sounds like you are doing a lot of good things and it should start benifiting you soon. Walking is good. How old is your daughter?

Do think about the counseling though. It really does help to talk to somebody.

Keep on posting and letting us know how you are doing.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Babiecakes28
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 2/14/2012 12:18 PM (GMT -6)   
Ya we have been going to mommy and me yoga for a while now, but my daughter is at that age where instead of us doing Yoga I chase her around lol She is 7 months today. Ya I go to the doctor on Thursday I will see if she could refer me to see someone.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 2/14/2012 4:13 PM (GMT -6)   
LOL, yes, chasing around a 7 month old must be hard. I am glad that you can laugh about it. Happy birthday to your little one...

I am glad that you are going to talk to the doctor on Thursday. Let us know what she says. And keep us posted in the meantime.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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