Posted 5/27/2013 1:35 PM (GMT -6)
Thanks for posting this. I am in the same situation - my boyfriend of 3 years has been getting into a deeper and deeper depression in the past year. 5 weeks ago he suddenly broke up with me - it was bizarre as I had only spoken to him a few hours earlier and all seemed fine as normal. I have gone through several weeks of hell, particularly as for the past 3 weeks he has not responded to any attempts at contact. I have had a bad depression in the past myself, so understand some aspects of it; indeed, if he hadn't have dumped me I would have been happy to carry on with him as he worked through it, because I think we could have survived and become closer to each other. The main problems started with a job loss and snowballed. In the few months before the break up, he frequently told me that I was the only joy in his life at the moment. But when breaking up he said he couldn't deal with anything, he felt he couldn't contribute, felt guilty nonstop etc etc. I believe he broke up because of those reasons; he is a pretty honest guy.
Perhaps he did me a favour, but it doesn't seem like that. I also love him very much, and like your man he was a wonderful guy; even during the break up itself he was very honest and caring. But the silence that followed is pretty unforgivable, especially as I am worried sick about whether he is even still alive, as well as grieving. I know that he is not thinking about me at all right now, not even to see how I am coping. And that hurts like hell.
Like you I am leaving a small window open. And I am letting myself do whatever I need to get through it - calling him at 3am and leaving a crazy upset message? (he never answers anything when going through a depressive episode) - why not! Sending his family a message asking them to make sure he is all right? - sure! Doing the full rollercoaster - whatever it takes. If he comes through it as my man, at least the core of the man he was, he will understand my mood swings and distress. Like you, I am not sure he will come through it as that person, or even as a person who I will like or who still like me. But whatever happens, I hope he will feel able to contact me in the future, even if it's just for his (and my) closure.
It is difficult to walk away, that's for sure, because you are in love with this person. I agree that feels more like a death than the typical end of a relationship - there is that shock and disbelief, anger at the loss, and terrible sadness.
Your progress is encouraging to me - I have a lot of work (that I have been finding hard to do), friends, and I have been swimming a lot. Nowhere near any kind of dating yet - too traumatised. I hope you'll keep posting about how you get on, to encourage other people in the same situation. Good luck to us both - and to those guys we love who we are forced to get over; they are in a much worse situation than we are. Thanks again