Posted 2/13/2012 9:51 PM (GMT -7)
I just want to write an update on my situation.
I am exhausted of not having the support I need from the person I love, and by that, he got tired of me. I think our relationship is not going nowhere anymore. We will go to the psychiatrist this week.
What a great Valentine's gift. Last night I had it all. Had been two weeks making extreme efforts to change, but seems like my partner didn't want to see it. The last two weeks he came to me said that we couldn't live anymore, that I wouldn't change. This made me rage and get really frustrated, why can't he see my efforts?
The first week of working really hard, he had been very arrogant trying to pick up a fight with everything I was trying to do. Then this last week, which had been very smooth - or I thought it was. But then, another weekend came and he started saying that want to send me back to Brazil so I could see my life there and then compare with what I have now with him. Then, after that, he reminded me of a very hurtful moment of our relationship and after that, when I was crying and hurting really bad, he said he was trying to see if I changed. But for what?? Why he tested me?? It just hurts me to remind of things that I don't want to and then gets worse when is a test.
This morning he tried to hug me. I let it, but then he tried to talk about the last thing he did to me, and I said it hurt me because it was a test with something really painful for me. Then he got mad and left me.
I don't want to sleep in the same bed as him, I don't want to be around him either. He made me sleep last night with him because he doesn't trust me alone.
I am hurting really bad.
A couple of hours ago, he came to me angry about an email I sent about the last thing he did to me and got upset because I still don't get what he was trying to do. IT WAS A TEST WITH THE MOST PAINFUL MEMORY I HAVE, ISN'T IT ENOUGH?
Now I know he will dump me, I probably won't have any way to get into internet in Brazil because I don't even have a place to live.
I just needed to vent with you guys, you've been way more supportive than him.
How can I cope with all of this now?
Been completely rejected, feeling like a loser, a failure in life, like I don't deserve love, been desired by no one? Plus, being sure that things will get economically worse?