Posted 2/15/2012 4:20 PM (GMT -7)
I'm the person everyone goes to, I'm the one who's empathetic but truthful, the go to girl, the fixer...
2 years ago, I thought my husband was retiring from the Army and we were staying put, I finally had a long term plan for myself, after years of knowing my life revolved around my husband's career and our child. (Our daughter is in grad school) Then my husband informed me he was not retiring and I had to leave my construction business and sell the house I loved and basically rebuilt.
I've now moved twice in the last 2 years, after arriving at our current location, I lost my dog who had a MRSA infection he couldn't fight. My dogs are my family, my constant. I feel no sense of purpose, no direction, I don't know what to do with myself and I lack the desire to make any effort. I have no friends since moving here a year ago and don't really know how to make friends because I don't work, my child is an adult. I do take breading lessons, I drive an hour and a half to get there, at which time I slap on my smile.
I have long distance friends, many of whom call me to tell me there problems so I can help them work through their things and I have mentioned in passing that I'm struggling emotionally but it's usually skipped over. I think because they don't see me as a person who leans on others.
I'm a pick yourself up by the boot straps person, in the grand scheme of things, I have a good life. I feel ashamed that I'm not able to get on with it already, I'm ashamed that I'm struggling emotionally when my life is not bad, my husband is a wonderful husband, my daughter is awesome, etc. I have one friend diagnosed with a rare cervical cancer, another struggling with her husband walking out after 25 years and other friends with varying issues and they count on my strength, humor, empathy and friendship all the while I feel like I'm drowning in their sadness and my own.
I want to laugh at myself for posting this on a forum because humor has always helped me but the laughter isn't forthcoming