Posted 2/15/2012 8:07 PM (GMT -6)
I've never posted to a forum for advice before, but after trying several different means of helping myself without results, I figured it might not hurt to try. So heres the basic info, I will try to keep it as simplified as possible. Im 21 years old and have been suffering with fairly severe depression for almost 10 years now. I have gone to 3 different therapists, been on about 5 different medications, and taken meditation/yoga classes, all in the hopes of curbing these overwhelming negative feelings. My father is a verbally abusive alcoholic who refuses to get any kind of help no matter what approach my mom and I take. Hes seriously delusional and mentally unstable. I moved out for a short period of time to get away from him but had to move back home after losing my job. I thought that being gone from the same house as him would help me feel a bit better, but even while I was away from him, I still felt extremely depressed, angry, and hopeless.
I have dropped out of college 3 times, but am currently enrolled again, hopefully for good until I obtain my Associates Degree. I wake up every morning and think to myself, what is the point of all of this?, how will I ever grow up and learn to function and make stuff happen if I feel this way constantly? I eat right, I exercise, I try to maintain a social life even though my dad doesnt allow me to drive anywhere but to class and back. I feel like I'm in a bad dream that I cant wake up from, like I'm supposed to be someone else. I day dream about how different I wish my life was and then feel extreme guilt since things could be a lot worse, and in reality I'm lucky to have what I do have. I think I'm a smart, logical, humorous, creative girl, and yet I'm stifled daily by this feeling of wanting to just shut down for good and not have to think any more. My brain in fried, my patience with my father has run out, and when I think about the future I can't see myself realistically being happy. I dont know what to do anymore, and I know no one here is going to have the answer that will solve all my problems, but I'm hoping that someone out there can give me something to at least grasp. I look forward to hearing what any one has to say.