A 10 year struggle, need advice PLEASE!!!!

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New Member

Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/15/2012 8:07 PM (GMT -6)   
I've never posted to a forum for advice before, but after trying several different means of helping myself without results, I figured it might not hurt to try. So heres the basic info, I will try to keep it as simplified as possible. Im 21 years old and have been suffering with fairly severe depression for almost 10 years now. I have gone to 3 different therapists, been on about 5 different medications, and taken meditation/yoga classes, all in the hopes of curbing these overwhelming negative feelings. My father is a verbally abusive alcoholic who refuses to get any kind of help no matter what approach my mom and I take. Hes seriously delusional and mentally unstable. I moved out for a short period of time to get away from him but had to move back home after losing my job. I thought that being gone from the same house as him would help me feel a bit better, but even while I was away from him, I still felt extremely depressed, angry, and hopeless.
I have dropped out of college 3 times, but am currently enrolled again, hopefully for good until I obtain my Associates Degree. I wake up every morning and think to myself, what is the point of all of this?, how will I ever grow up and learn to function and make stuff happen if I feel this way constantly? I eat right, I exercise, I try to maintain a social life even though my dad doesnt allow me to drive anywhere but to class and back. I feel like I'm in a bad dream that I cant wake up from, like I'm supposed to be someone else. I day dream about how different I wish my life was and then feel extreme guilt since things could be a lot worse, and in reality I'm lucky to have what I do have. I think I'm a smart, logical, humorous, creative girl, and yet I'm stifled daily by this feeling of wanting to just shut down for good and not have to think any more. My brain in fried, my patience with my father has run out, and when I think about the future I can't see myself realistically being happy. I dont know what to do anymore, and I know no one here is going to have the answer that will solve all my problems, but I'm hoping that someone out there can give me something to at least grasp. I look forward to hearing what any one has to say.

New Member

Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 2/16/2012 4:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Not having experienced real depression my advise may not be apropriate or easy but when i m down I try to make it a little game of making three people smile during that day. A smile from someone else lifts my mood
and does no harm to others. Simple but effective if possible. X
compassion for others heals the self

New Member

Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/16/2012 4:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you all for your responses! It means a lot that you took time to offer advice and good thoughts. Itsmee, your description of your childhood and the signs you showed for ADD are striking a chord with me. Throughout school I've had little to no focus and motivation, and would even fake illness more than average just to get out of even going to class. It's been persistent and part of the reason why I've dropped in and out of college so many times already; I can't focus and that makes me feel more depressed and anxious, the classic viscous cycle. But, with how many people are diagnosed with ADD/ADHD these days, I was worried that bringing that up to my mom would be taboo in a way. Even with my father being the way he is, my mom still has a hard time excepting my depression, almost like she maybe feels I'm making excuses for not doing the best I can. Anyways, I would love to hear more from you or anyone else regarding that. Thanks!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 2/16/2012 6:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey marzipan

Sorry for your woes but welcome to the forum.

You did not mention if you are taking any medications or seeing a counselor. Most places have "free" mental health clinics..I went to one and never paid a dime. I saw a psychiatrist who prescribed meds and saw a counselor once a month. My depression improved dramatically, especially talking to someone who didn't judge me or guilt trip me. Please check into that.

Also my 15 yr old daughter was just dxd with mild depression and adhd. That combo happens more often than you think. She had to fight so hard for good grades when we knew she was intelligent, but focus and follow thru were impossible, forgetting assignments etc...so that might be worth exploring too. Certainly some talk therapy is in order for you to get past your father's horrid nature and your childhood.

Please keep posting-writing it down helps me and I hope it helps you too.

Take care
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

seroquel, hydrocodone clonazepam norvasc multi vitamin and magnesium

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 2/21/2012 1:20 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey, sorry to hear you're having such a hard time...I'm 21 too and dealing with the alot of the same problems. Serious depression and anxiety for years and it's all just feeling really overwhelming at this point :/. Have you tried therapy? I'm going to group therapy right now and it's something to look forward to in a way and it helps to have the support. Hope you feel better <3

New Member

Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 2/23/2012 10:32 AM (GMT -6)   
Im sorry to hear how bad it is for you. You obviously have depression so severe it's sounds like its disrupting your life. Medication and therapy are ultimately going to be your saving grace.
The drawback with medication is that you have to try various ones until you find one which works. Then it's getting the dosage right. You may even have treatment resistant depression in that case you need to be considered for alternative medication.

I do believe theray will help you a lot but only when your stable on your meds. You seem deeply affected by your father which will be playing a major part in your ordeal. This is where I believe you need help with therapy. Your depression could be so severe you might have a disorder which has gone unrecognised at this stage. Keep a diary of when your moods occur, severity, length and symptoms. You could also have underlying factors, such as hormones which you haven't even thought might be an issue.
Genetics and things being hereditary may also play a part. it's seems virtually impossible to get by day to day when you feel this bad , believe me I know, but you must explore each and every avenue possible in order to try and get this sorted. I hope you do, my thoughts are with you x

New Member

Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 2/25/2012 3:16 PM (GMT -6)   
I've been thru much of what you are going through. I understand how horrible you may be feeling and unfortunately there is no " magic' pill. I really wish there was. Taking Vitamin D3 (2000IU per day) and omega 3 really helps my mood and many studies have confirmed that they help; sometimes as much as medications. And if you have the energy, exercise helps too.
Even when you can move out it may take meds. and therapy and time to control the depression....didn't happen overnight so doesn't go away overnight, unfortunately.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42503
   Posted 2/25/2012 5:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Peroxide and Mairi,

I just wanted to pop in and welcome you both to the depression forum. Keep posting and have a wonderful day.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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