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life, a maze
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 2/16/2012 3:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Just a little update. My ex boyfriend messaged me on valentines day. He apologized. He said that he would always love me and that he was sorry for what ever words he said to me. He said that he meant nothing and was always true to me. He said that may I find all the happiness where ever i am and bye.

He called me and i dint pick. I dint reply back to his message. Hes still not over his mind games. I opened up his fb account just recently. He was again doing the emotional public display drama- with the status ''Its all the same in the end'' I was screwed after reading it. I was so hurt. I mean he did all the wrong but he still cant stop playing his games.

I cant figure out what he wants. I have tried a lot. But i cant get him out of my head.... I just cant.... sometimes I do but most of the times I cry and feel lonely.

But inside I know that I dont want to be with him. Never! Hes a gamer and a deserter. But im in state of confusion. I dont know what sort of a man he is. Why am i stuck with him..... I dont know what he wants.... I cant figure out which side of him is real and which is unreal. Im messed up....

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 2/16/2012 4:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello, Life, a Maze, and welcome to the Depression Forum,

Are you ready for the "nitty-gritty" of this person's behavior?

1. Games are engaged in by ineffectual people and they are destructive to people who engage in them. So he has at least one strike against him already.

2. Ineffectual people may be ones who have no consciences (one in every 25 people has no conscience--they are sociopaths). They do not recover and are not candidates for psychotherapy because therapy only makes them more cunning in their techniques. And they do not change.

3. He may be a narcissist, in which case he will drain you of all your energy with his ploys, then leave you without blinking an eye, because he is constantly seeking more "narcissistic supply" from new sources. He wilts without it. If he is continuing to contact you, it is because you have served effectively to supply some basic need he has that hasn't been completely fulfilled by the others he has used to supply his very, very weak ego.

4. My best advice is to get out of any association with him at all. That will be painful and difficult, but it will save you years of happy living with someone who is gentle, considerate of your feelings, loving, and affectionate, and most of all, faithful. These characters described above are not capable of that in their lives.

That's the truth, difficult as it is to accept. I hope you are able to get help for yourself to recover your self-regard. Psychotherapy is especially helpful in re-building your sense of inner security and happiness. Try to move on in your life.

There are some interesting sites on the web for people who have been taken advantage of by narccissists or sociopaths, or psychopaths, so you might find some ideas there to help you through if you can't afford to see a psychiatrist right away. I'd always choose a psychiatrist for help in these cases, however.

Good wishes on an early recovery and new and kinder life.

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 2/16/2012 2:33:32 PM (GMT-7)


bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 2/16/2012 6:46 PM (GMT -6)   
I think you got that one covered perfectly IG

He's no good and probably never will be. Love yourself enough to steer clear of him and focus on gaining yourself back

Take care
Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

seroquel, hydrocodone clonazepam norvasc multi vitamin and magnesium

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 2/17/2012 5:06 AM (GMT -6)   
time to take care of you. with much healing compassion, jamie
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

life, a maze
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 2/17/2012 12:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you everybody so much! <3

It's Genetic- You have a lot of information in this regard. Lol! and i seem to be listening these things for the very first time and so they sound very creepy to me. How can a person survive without conscience? Gosh!! How could I not know all this... You defined him very well i must say...

Im inexperienced- i'm very bad at judging people. They always turn out to be the opposite. What can I do for that? How can I know what they exactly are? Your advice might be a huge help. Secondly please mention to me the websites your talking about.

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 2/17/2012 12:55 PM (GMT -6)   
I can understand how you feel, Life, a Maze,

The characters I described are capable of fooling even the very best and most well-educated personalities. And they have done so in major business areas in life as well as in damaging people's psyches with whom they come in contact, so please don't feel that you are alone in this.  It can take years to recognize them as
deceitful and dishonest, etc.  But a change will come in time for
the victim's feelings.  You've already experienced it by knowing that you don't want to have a long-term relationship with him.  In that respect you are fortunate to have realized something radically wrong very early in the relationship.  (That's a big credit to your intelligence.)
 
For sites to search, I would suggest Forums on Narcississm.com or Forums on Psychopath.com.   There are others, as well, so just
stroll through some for more information.

Then, for learning about the personality of the psychopath, search for Dr. Hare's list of psychopathic characteristics. You may find it under the website psychopathic character traits.com. (Dr. Hare is considered the world's most recognized authority on psychopathy and he has written several books on the subject. You might find one of them interesting. The first one was "Without Conscience"--a very amazing little book.) Look at Wikipedia.encyclopedia.com for narcissism;that will help you with that particular personality disorder.
 
Both the narcissist and the psychopath are capable of having multiple relationships at the same time: one going out; the current one, and a new one coming in.  That's really a dreadful thing to accept.  (They may be subject, as well, to drug abuse.)  Really charming people, aren't they?  The truth is they may appear that way in the beginning. (See Dr. Hare, again.)

Take care and get the help you feel you need. Everyone who experiences the damage of a psychopath or narcissist needs therapy to overcome the tragedy.

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 2/17/2012 11:21:41 AM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 2/17/2012 1:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Don't feel bad about not recognizing this personality trait. You aren't like that, how could you know? I am glad that you found out when you did. Know that you are a good person and that says a lot.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 2/17/2012 5:20 PM (GMT -6)   
And keep coming back, Life,a Maze, as you have questions arising. Someone on the forum will know about an appropriate answer for
anything that still bothers you about this.

Your curiosity about these personality disorders will lead to  a far greater understanding of what they do, how they do it, and how they think they can get away with it.

If there were another subject of human behavior that you wanted to know about, you could learn very much about it in this day and age with all the information on the net. Otherwise, we all learn by living life and meeting people along the way--some nice, some not-so nice.

Life is going to teach you all about these things,too.

Good wishes for a healthy life.

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 2/17/2012 3:27:11 PM (GMT-7)


theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 2/18/2012 2:12 AM (GMT -6)   
ps not all people with personality disorders are bad. jamie. i have one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 2/18/2012 2:45 AM (GMT -6)   
Jamie is right about that, Life, A Maze, not even the more injurious of personality disorders are malignant. There are all ranges of behavior levels in narcissistic and psychopathic personalities; these are just two of the more harmful types to other people, primarily because they cause so much personal injury and damage to victims when the disorder is severe.

Although they are often successful in some ways, they may also end in tragic circumstances when the illness is discovered.

It's Genetic

life, a maze
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 2/18/2012 1:59 PM (GMT -6)   
It's Genetic- You explained very well and thanks for being such a big help. Yes I have a lot of questions. Some of them are foolish but they keep bugging me 24/7. I cant help but think how perfect everything was a month ago. I had a beautiful 3 years old relationship, a guy that loved me and I loved him. We cared.

But turned out that he was a liar. He used to lie a lot. I was well aware of the fact after the 1 year of our relationship. I used to get angry at times but most of the times tried to explain to him how it was effecting us and talked it out. But he was not aware of the fact that my life was a living hell because i knew he was a liar and my sixth sense told me that he was cheating over me. But I kept quietening it time and time again. Thinking about all his positive acts and love for me. But I cried everyday. He was bossy. It was for him to decide that when we would talk and when we wont. When we were not working out and when it was perfect.

When you trust and love a person more than yourself and your life... You tell him all the tiny details of everyday... Its hard when a day comes that you get to know that that person never existed actually. He was wearing a mask...

But thanks to you i will check on the websites and all the information you gave me. Felt great! <3 :)

Karen- Thank you, that means so much to me. You always have so much positiveness to inspire with. Bless you :)

Jamie- For sure. You are an amazing person, i know. It just me, lol! I never knew such things exist. He didn't know either. So we were oblivious and im sure he will be ignorant of this fact for the rest of his life. Accepting this fact is bravery. Which unluckily he lacks. I just wish so much that I could do something for him earlier. But I cant. Hope your feeling better Jamie. Take care.

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 2/18/2012 2:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Jamie you are an amazing human being, in spite of all the crap that has been thrown at you, you are a loving, compassionate man...I don't know how many of us could hold on as well as you have

Love you-never forget that!!

Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

seroquel, hydrocodone clonazepam norvasc multi vitamin and magnesium

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 2/18/2012 2:50 PM (GMT -6)   
thank you maggie, thank you life, a maze. appreciate your support.
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 2/18/2012 3:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Maze, when I began my posts I had in mind only two personality disorders: the narcissistic and the psychopathic (now referred to as the sociopathic personality). I really know almost NOTHING about other personality disorders, so I most definitely was not referring to anyone on this forum who has a personality disorder.

Sorry if that information was understood incorrectly.

I.G.

life, a maze
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 2/18/2012 3:32 PM (GMT -6)   
It's Genetic- Oh no! of course not misunderstood. I know what you were saying. I understand your intention. I'm sorry if I offended you in some way and made you think that way. Not at all I thought that you had such an intention. Take care. I know that you were helping me out with your amazing advice. That's all and it means a lot. :)

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 2/18/2012 3:59 PM (GMT -6)   
It's okay, Maze, I knew it wasn't you who might be offended. I thought perhaps I had offended Jamie since he has a personality disorder, but I had no intention of doing that. He has had such a difficult time in his life and is one of the favorites on the forum. I was concerned about the statement that he had been handed so much "crap" in his life. That concerned me regarding my threads.

All's well that ends well, huh?

It's Genetic

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 2/18/2012 8:42 PM (GMT -6)   
NO no IG, I didn't mean you!!! I meant Jamie's childhood and other troubles!!! LOL-we are getting our wires crossed here...you are right on about narcissisits(sp) and sociopaths, there is virtually noredeeming value in them.

So sorry, the only crap I was referring to was Jamie's trials and tribulations...hope you read this IG
Sorry for the misunderstanding

Take care
Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

seroquel, hydrocodone clonazepam norvasc multi vitamin and magnesium

life, a maze
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 2/19/2012 11:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Awwwwh!! so much of misunderstanding here guys! Come on we love each other and here to spread love and comfort each other. I'm sure none of us mean to be rude or hurt each other in anyway. So no worries and misunderstandings people! Love to all! Stay blessed!

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 2/19/2012 11:27 AM (GMT -6)   
Exactly life, no worries...it happens sometimes but we always work it out...everyone here cares about each other...I just hope IG sees the explanation-I don't want to hurt ANYBODY"S feelings, ever

Hope y'all are having a good day
Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

seroquel, hydrocodone clonazepam norvasc multi vitamin and magnesium

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 2/19/2012 12:24 PM (GMT -6)   
with much healing compassion to all. jamie.
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 2/19/2012 7:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Yes, I saw your thread a couple of days ago, Maggie.

Thanks.

I.G.
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