your thoughts on seperation that looks imminent

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cc3337
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 2/16/2012 6:02 PM (GMT -6)   
hello everyone, i am new to this forum and it looks like there is some very good advice and people here, so glad i found it. My wife tells me a month ago that she is leaving me after ten years of marriage and we have a 7yr old and a two yr old, i just feel like i will die inside. She says she has grown apart from me. Im 40 yrs old and havent really been out in ten yrs. Went to the doc for anxiety and he prescribed xanax .25 and zoloft .50, i had a panic attack after three days on the zoloft, terrible side affects, anxiety went through the roof. I recently tried some 5htp .50 every other day, seems to be helping a little, very anxious the first day but since has calmed off, been trying this about a week, only have taken like two halfs of the xanax in two weeks, read post about xanax and it scares me., my question is, if anyone has experienced anything similar to this seperation, i would love to hear how you start over or some things that i could try when starting this new life to make me feel better, i am so nervous about starting over and sad to, thank you all

chris

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42430
   Posted 2/16/2012 6:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Chris,

I think that the best place for you to start is with a counselor. They will set you on the right track for getting your life back together. Are you by any chance seeing one? Know that this is a wonderful place to come and that there are many of us who understand what you ar egoing though.

I sure to hope that you feel better soon. Keep posting and know that we all care about you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 2/16/2012 11:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Going through a breakup is never easy.

Beyond seeing a counselor my best advice to you is focus on your work and your children. It isn't going to be easy to keep your mind on things other than your grief right now, but it is doable and it will help.

As hard as this is on you just imagine how confusing it is going to be and is for your kids. Focus on them and make sure they understand it is not their fault and that no matter what you and their Mother love them and always will.

When I went through my divorce I was a real mess for a little while. I didn't care about much of anything and just getting through the day was hard but then I started really to focus on my son and my job. I had to make myself at first but before I knew it I started feeling better and it became easier. Once that happened I started a hobby to help keep myself busy when I wasn't working or had my kid.

By the time it was all said and done I earned a promotion at work, was involved in something that I ended up loving more than I thought I would and most importantly had a better relationship with my kid than ever before.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.
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Mr.B
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 47
   Posted 2/17/2012 1:08 AM (GMT -6)   
chris - thanks for sharing your situation. I don't know all the facts here but you are clearly in a delicate place. Focus on your need to get help and to understand your hurt. It may not be as bad as your are imagining. The moderater is right.
John Lennon - [Love]>

cc3337
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 2/17/2012 6:37 PM (GMT -6)   
thanks everyone for the replies, i really enjoyed reading them. One thing that helps me the most is simply knowing that im not alone, if anybody has anymore things that might help, please post.

thanks
chris

CRANKY 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 617
   Posted 2/17/2012 11:05 PM (GMT -6)   
Wow Chris...You opened up a whole bunch of cans of worms all at one time.  The answers to your questions could probably fill an entire book.  So...where do you start out?
 
First, welcome to the board and please know that you are among friends.  Regardless of your individual situation, I can guarantee someone here can identify with all your issues.  Finding a professional to talk with is probably the best thing you can do for yourself and your children.  If your wife has already made up her mind to dissolve your marriage, and it sounds like she has, the best thing you can do is formulate a plan to get on with your life without her.
 
It does sound like you are having a problem with anxiety, and the medications you mentioned being prescribed are appropriate for helping to keep your moods stable over the short-term.  The "side effects" you mentioned are probably more from the anxiety than the medication itself.  Try taking them as prescribed and give the drugs an opportunity to work as they are intended.  I'm a firm believer in helping out the chemical imbalances that our emotions can create when we are confronted with extreme stress, grief, feelings of failure, etc... that come with the dissolution of a long-term relationship.  Stability is not just important for your own sanity, but it is also important for you to be able to help your children understand and cope during this period of transition.  One thing you want to avoid though is taking any OTC(over-the-counter) or homeopathic remedies if you are taking prescribed medication, as you want to avoid any problems with drug interactions that might come from mixing the two.
 
I might also suggest checking to see if there are any local support groups in your area for single parents, like "Parents Without Partners," where you might find like-minded people in situations similar to yours, that offer resources and activities that can help you thru this period of transition.
 
Believe it or not, this really isn't the end of the world, only the way you knew it for a relatively short period of time.  Ten years out of an entire lifetime really is just a minor splash in the bucket, so you've got to get on with a whole lot more living to do ahead of you.  Try to keep your focus and mind on all the milestones your children still have ahead of them in their lifetimes.  I've been in your shoes myself, and I've had to start all over more than once, so I am well acquainted with the concept that the end of our books are open to rewrites up until the very last minute.  My life today is completely different than I would have predicted it would be only a year ago.  Take things slowly and the details will work themselves out eventually.
 
Most of all, remember that you always have someone here that's willing to listen or offer a shoulder to cry on if that's what you need.  Good luck to you and keep us updated.
 
Leigh Ann cool

•On Disability for: Chronic Migraines, serious Back and Knee problems (will need surgery eventually), moderate Depression, Anxiety/Panic disorder, TMJ, stomach problems
•Divorced, 46, spawn-free

"THE WEATHER IS HERE, I WISH YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL." -Jimmy Buffett

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20186
   Posted 2/18/2012 5:23 AM (GMT -6)   
with much healing compassion to you chris. jamie
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

justwant2bemeagain
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2011
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 2/18/2012 10:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Chris,
Welcome to HW. I am sure that you will find a great deal of support here. My only advice to you would be to allow yourself to grief your loss. When we lose a part of us, weather it be a spouse, a friend, a family member, you have to give yourself time to heal. A counselor will be able to help you work through your current feelings. Stay strong for yourself and your children. You are still young and have a lot of life ahead of you. With that said, I wish you well.

Blessings, Michelle
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