Valentines Day has come and gone, and I learned a valuable lesson I thought I would share with you. I haven't been on the board much over the past six months, as I've got a new boyfriend and my life is running on a new schedule. My guy, Steve, is an ex-military, single father of two teenagers, and we've been together about 11 months now. I met him when we were both doing the bar scene thing, which we've mutually given up in favor of quiet nights at home. I still have my issues with depression, tied to my continuing struggle with chronic pain and migraines. Steve has some emotional baggage himself, and suffers from mild PTSD from his deployment in Afghanistan. At least now, we have each other to share our struggles and successes with instead of being on our own.
I was a "rebound" chick for Steve, having just come off a bad relationship, so I figured I liked him enough to be "buddies" and see where it went. Well, we really just clicked from the start. Our personalities are very compatible, and it's easy for us just to spend time together hanging out, whether it's going to a movie or just watching television. We just click on so many levels and we never have conflicts over anything. Things that requires a decision are a calm negotiation, which is really a pleasant change for both of us. Steve also has all those good inherent "man" or "head of household" qualities that my father has, that are practically impossible to find in guys these days. I recognize that Steve's kids and his job are his top priorities, and any time and attention he can carve out for me is due to making an effort on his part, so I have learned not to take any time we have together for granted. His finances are extremely tight, so I appreciate even the smallest little thing he does for me.
Having a history of bad Valentines Days, I was not looking forward to it this year either, even though I am lucky enough to have love in my life for a pleasant change. A couple of weeks ago, I bought myself a pot of purple hyacinths, my favorite flowers as I pointed out to my boyfriend, which are followed by my second favorite, fuschia-colored roses, a fact I just threw in for informational purposes...Heck, never hurts, right? Well, Steve and I were in the grocery store last week and as we were passing all the Valentines Day displays, Steve mentioned how outrageous the price of everything was, only to be marked down to next to nothing as soon as the "holiday" passes. I instinctly knew that if I received a Valentines Day rememberance from Steve, it would be "late"...after things were marked down to a reasonable price. I more I thought about it, the less important it seemed that "Valentines" had to be exchanged exactly on February 14th, following more along the lines of "it's the thought that counts" idea.
Thus, when the "holiday" rolled around this week, I knew Steve had to work, so there would be no romantic dinner date, and certainly no flowers or big box of chocolate on the big day. He called me just like clockwork, like I knew he would, to wish me a Happy Valentines Day. I snuck by his job and left a card and a heart-shaped box of chocolates in his truck for him to find when he got off work at 2:30am. It was fun for me because I don't have quite the scheduling or tight monetary constraints that he has right now.
Well, sure enough, my Stevie didn't disappoint me in his due dilligence to be thoughtful in his own way. On Wednesday night, he went to three different stores trying to find the illusive "fuschia" colored roses. In the third store, he found a dozen pink and fuschia varigated colored roses that he thought would meet the "requirements", but he said he took a poll of the three or four guys in the produce department to get their opinion on whether they thought the roses he found would do the job. I can just see a bunch of clueless males standing around having a discussion on flower color...LOL!!!
The bottom line is that I have found someone that is actually capable of and willing to keep track of my personal preferences...my likes and dislikes, my wants and needs. To me, that is so much more important than what day or time it says on a calendar or clock. I can only hope that this relationship has the legs it needs to go the distance. I'd really like to work on a long-term partnership at this point in my life than continue to keep starting over. I've been there and done that, and frankly I've had way more than enough of that! LOL!!!! Wish me luck!
•On Disability for: Chronic Migraines, serious Back and Knee problems (will need surgery eventually), moderate Depression, Anxiety/Panic disorder, TMJ, stomach problems
•Divorced, 46, spawn-free
"THE WEATHER IS HERE, I WISH YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL." -Jimmy Buffett