I am 16 and have been diagnosed with depression. The thing is, I don't think I have depression at all. I experience mood swings; I can go from being anxious, to suicidal, to talkative, to happy, to agitated, to depressed, to excited, to hopeless, all in one day. It is so overwhelming. I feel like there is a gaping hole inside of me that needs to be filled with something something something, anything, all the time. So I am very reckless and do stupid stuff because I feel so empty all the time. It's the same with relationships. I can go from withdrawing to everyone and pushing everyone away, to being clingy and not wanting to be on my own. Everything is just so backwards and messed up and I am so overwhelmed. I don't feel depressed, just very unstable and out of control.
I stopped going to therapy and taking meds because every time I started a new anti d I went into a manic episode and had to come off them again. I feel my psych has just diagnosed me with the first most obvious thing before ruling out other diagnosis and doesn't really listen when I tell her about the mood swings. She thinks they're normal. But I feel differently.
I don't really know what to do anymore. I have given up with school and recovery because I feel no one understands. I don't want to say this to my psych because then she'll think I don't trust her and I am self diagnosing. Does anyone have any advice for me?