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Posted 2/20/2012 7:01 PM (GMT -7)
Here we go......after 8 years of crap, I AM DONE! I am ending this marriage and moving on. We got into a huge argument with our neighbor and each other on Sunday. The dog got out and the neighbor came to complain that she was over there every day and "spraying on the deck". First, dogs don't spray. Second, she has only gotten out twice in the last 6 months. I had calmed the situation down some but he wouldn't let it go. He had to keep at the neighbor and keep escalating things. I kept trying to get him to leave it alone and go inside and he told me to shut up. I looked at him and said I am done. I have put up with his nasty disposition, his obsessive spending, have taken care of his dying father and now his mother with no thanks or appreciation. I have so much to go through and sort through and then I have to figure out how to get it back to my home state which is over 13 hours away. We are barely speaking and when we do he is very nasty. Of course everything is my fault. I keep fighting the urge to feel guilty about his mom but, really, she isn't my responsibility. I think I care more about her than he does. I will get through this, I will be stronger and I AM DONE!!!
Posted 2/20/2012 8:35 PM (GMT -7)
Slow down in your thinking and try to cool off. Then write some things down and weigh it out. His actions could be from the loss of his mother. Didn't she recently die? or do I have this mixed up with another thread?

I would wait until you write things down and cool off and talk to him. If he can't stay rational, then stop the conversation and write that down.

Think about counseling apart or together before you make these decisions. Don't act in haste. If you truly feel you can't live with him anymore, then talk to a lawyer. Don't go into this blindly.

I hope it doesn't come to that...

We are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/22/2012 9:35 AM (GMT -7)
Thanks Karen. Guess this should have been in the anger catagory. His mother is still alive but I do all the caretaking. He does nothing but criticize what I do. I have written things down for years and also have had a cop friend tell me that he is abusive to me verbally and emotionally. He bullies me and his mother. I have been through counseling alone and have asked him to but he won't go with me. I have thought about this for a long time so am not entering blindly. I have much to do and sort through before I am ready to call a lawyer but one will be called. This is my third marriage so I know I have some issues to work on but it will be better to work on them alone. I am very independent and strong and do so much better on my own I just FINALLY figured that out.
Posted 2/22/2012 1:29 PM (GMT -7)
I am glad that you feel independant and strong. That is so important. Especially in your situation. I am glad that you did figure it out. My first husband was manipulating in ways and played mind games. I don't live with that now though. But you take it for so long, not really knowing any different. Then there comes a time for it to end and for you to have a good life.

It certainly sounds like you know what you are doing. Stay strong. Continue counseling for yourself. And keep posting here. We are all behind you in this. We are support for you. And when you are ready, you will proceed.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/22/2012 1:30 PM (GMT -7)
I have a lot of respect for you, Ldyblu, you have a calm and rational approach to the circumstances you're in, more so than anyone I've seen lately posting on the subject of getting out of an abusive relationship.

I feel that things will go very well for you and that you will find the security and happiness you deserve in life.

Take care and keep us informed on how you get there. I know that your inner strength is your guide; that's what makes it work, isn't it?

Good wishes,

It's Genetic
Posted 2/22/2012 5:40 PM (GMT -7)
Well Ldyblu,

Sometimes you just have to run the white flag up the pole and quit.  If you honestly feel like you have given your relationship every opportunity to be ironed out, then that's all you can do.  As my grandmother always said, "There's no sense in beating a dead horse."  I had to take that advise myself after five years of marriage.  Turns out I was married to a man with autism, ASPBERGER'S SYNDROME specifically, and he was NEVER going to get a clue, regardless of how hard I tried to fix things and work things out.  Just make sure that you get all your affairs in order to the best of your ability BEFORE you drop the bomb that you are leaving the marriage.  Someone with anger issues can be very unpredicatable, and if your husband has been as unreasonable as it sounds up until now, you can bet he won't make it easy for you to leave the marriage if you haven't prepared ahead of time.  Best of luck and let us know how you are doing.

Leigh Ann cool

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