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greenbean885
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 2/21/2012 2:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Last night I found out ex is moving. The restaurant she works at is changing owners in April and though they've committed to keeping the staff, I've heard she is moving to Texas. Her old mentor lives there, so I imagine he'll get a job in his restaurant and continue training her.

I warned her about this when we were together. Since I was on the outside, I could see the problems with the business. Not only that, but I researched the history of the business and discovered that it had turned over names three times in the recent past. The building owner leases out the building and equipment... like he is doing this time. None of the businesses stay long. However, the steak house it is turning into will do well here.

Anyway, I got very angry. I struggled for MONTHS literally unable to eat, sleep, focus, stop crying... anything. I was barely able to work and I have no idea how I got up everyday. It was all a huge painful blur. I literally was forced to give myself closure on an issue I had no idea where it came from. Like I've always said, I wish I could have at least gotten broken up with.

It makes me angry because there was no running for me... my only option was to stay here and face the music. I was forced to learn to live in this small town and running into her. She has constantly avoided me when she sees me, which is fine. I just still don't get it. I cried and cussed a lot last night. I was so angry that I finally worked through my living hell just to hear she will be leaving. She could have done me a favor months ago and left.

And even in my anger, I'm sad. I know I shouldn't expect anything from her... She told my best friend Dawn she was leaving. A friend she hasn't talked to in months. She KNEW that Dawn would tell me. What makes people work this way??? In the back of my mind, I really though she'd come around to her senses and apologize or at least give an explanation. You know, not become best friends, but at least able to be in the same place at the same time.

I'm jealous that she's happy and I have busted my butt to be happy. Hers has come so easily. One day, she's telling my friend Jessica that nothing is better or worse from 6 months ago, two weeks later she's texting my best friend to say "I'm happy and I know that would make you happy". So, your job gets pulled out from underneath you, you're moving FARTHER from family than you already are, you've lost all close friends... that would never make me happy!!

I'm angry, jealous, and hurt. None of it feels good. I have counseling tonight, but sometimes I don't want to talk, I want to listen. I want to hear others' opinions and advice. But that's why I have the forum.

Courtney

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 2/21/2012 2:37 PM (GMT -6)   
very sorry courtney. sending you many healing and compassionate prayers your way.

~jamie
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 2/21/2012 4:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Courtney,

I think it is a good thing she is moving. You wont have to think about her anymore. These emotions will go away after she is gone for awhile. I think it might even actually give you a sense of relief with her gone.

Try to think of all of this as a learning experience. You have gone though various emotions though this process. But you have found out you are a strong and good person. You can continue to function even without her in your life. Don't be jealous. It is a very usefull and destructive emotion. Be happy that she is leaving. Now you can get on with your life as you have been doing.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

greenbean885
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 2/22/2012 10:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you both for your responses. I had my counseling sessions last night and they helped. I talked about the sense of abandonment and how it has been present throughout my life. We are also going to work on it next session. I have learned so many things about mental health, emotions, and myself throughout this experience.

I have really been proud of the efforts I have made with my progress and I know it will continue to get better as long as continue making effort. Sometimes, it seems like things come so easily to others. Throughout my relationship with her, I was sometimes reminded of my ex before her--- they behave very similarly. Both have told me they are not happy, but they do a good job of ignoring what they feel. Both "love" me, but say I deserve better. I never responded to those statements from them because I do deserve better than they both have treated me, but I don't think they aren't capable of better behavior.

Sometimes I just need to vent. And I am learning what I need when I need it. On Monday, I told a good friend of mine that I needed a hug. We have never hugged before, but I knew I needed to be embraced and comforted.

I must also get back on track with my Faith and allowing it to continue to grow and spread.

Karen, I'll get some recipes to you :) Oh yes, I've decided I am interested in looking into the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI. I am extremely interested in psychology and with my OCD, I think it would be a great position for me.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 2/22/2012 11:20 AM (GMT -6)   
Moving on is very hard sometimes. Especially when we have had behaviors by others repeated. I really think you are doing good. I think that talking really helps. I hope you continue with your healing journey without too much hardship. Though the tough things help us to appreciate the good things that much more. I believe that there is a reason for everything, even for what you are going through. You will find that reason when it is time.

Keep trying, never give up. You are a good person Courtney. Always remember that.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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