Last night I found out ex is moving. The restaurant she works at is changing owners in April and though they've committed to keeping the staff, I've heard she is moving to Texas. Her old mentor lives there, so I imagine he'll get a job in his restaurant and continue training her.
I warned her about this when we were together. Since I was on the outside, I could see the problems with the business. Not only that, but I researched the history of the business and discovered that it had turned over names three times in the recent past. The building owner leases out the building and equipment... like he is doing this time. None of the businesses stay long. However, the steak house it is turning into will do well here.
Anyway, I got very angry. I struggled for MONTHS literally unable to eat, sleep, focus, stop crying... anything. I was barely able to work and I have no idea how I got up everyday. It was all a huge painful blur. I literally was forced to give myself closure on an issue I had no idea where it came from. Like I've always said, I wish I could have at least gotten broken up with.
It makes me angry because there was no running for me... my only option was to stay here and face the music. I was forced to learn to live in this small town and running into her. She has constantly avoided me when she sees me, which is fine. I just still don't get it. I cried and cussed a lot last night. I was so angry that I finally worked through my living hell just to hear she will be leaving. She could have done me a favor months ago and left.
And even in my anger, I'm sad. I know I shouldn't expect anything from her... She told my best friend Dawn she was leaving. A friend she hasn't talked to in months. She KNEW that Dawn would tell me. What makes people work this way??? In the back of my mind, I really though she'd come around to her senses and apologize or at least give an explanation. You know, not become best friends, but at least able to be in the same place at the same time.
I'm jealous that she's happy and I have busted my butt to be happy. Hers has come so easily. One day, she's telling my friend Jessica that nothing is better or worse from 6 months ago, two weeks later she's texting my best friend to say "I'm happy and I know that would make you happy". So, your job gets pulled out from underneath you, you're moving FARTHER from family than you already are, you've lost all close friends... that would never make me happy!!
I'm angry, jealous, and hurt. None of it feels good. I have counseling tonight, but sometimes I don't want to talk, I want to listen. I want to hear others' opinions and advice. But that's why I have the forum.