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Posted 2/22/2012 2:28 PM (GMT -7)
Sorry~I havent been on but I dont think anything is working for my depression.  Still getting Ketamine now they are talking Mayo Clinic and DBS.......I believe I mentioned that 2 years ago.

Anyway, I refused and said lets just keep going with what we are.  I know its my depression that  leaves me single.  All my ex's throw their relationships in my face with how happy they are and here I am doing the online dating thing.  Yes, I get asked out alot but I dont have sex with them and thats what they expect.  Yes there are a few guys that want a second date but why, I will end up alone.

 

Trying to get money together $475 for my license, yah....get them back on the 22 of march but only with the money.  I will have it one way or another.

 

Just really sad and I do have a really bad cold. 

Posted 2/22/2012 3:47 PM (GMT -7)
Why wouldn't a guy want a second date with you Teresa? How come you don't give it a chance? You might at least make friends that way. Or do they give you a feeling that you don't like? Sometimes that use to happen to me. That is why I asked.

I don't think you are going to continue to be lonely Teresa. It just has to be the right timing. And the right person.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/22/2012 3:52 PM (GMT -7)
with much healing compassion teresa. jamie.

remember that slow and steady wins the race.
Posted 2/22/2012 6:35 PM (GMT -7)
Hey Teresa,

Just curious...if you don't think your current treatment is working for you, and things have been the same for two years, why don't you try something else for a change?  New drug therapies become available all the time, and different doctors like to work with different types of medications.  Maybe a change in meds or doctors is something you really ought to consider.  Digging your feet in to keep the "status-quo" doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense if it's not working for you, and is sure sounds like it isn't.

As far as what your "Ex's" are doing, screw them and the horses they rode in on.  If they didn't have enough sense to appreciate you and all your good qualities, then you deserve better anyway. 

Personally, I am "officially chronically depressed" and have "anxiety/panic disorder", but with the meds I take (Symbyax, klonopin, and buspar), I don't feel like crap all the time anymore.  I have chronic pain problems, with a bad back/knees and constant migraines, and although I know things will continue to deteriorate over time, I try not to dwell on that.  I had one engagement and one marriage that both tanked after eight years each.  BUT... I've found that even though I'm considered a BBW(and I HATE that label) if I make the effort to get out and socialize, I don't have a problem finding nice, good-looking men to date.  I usually have a steady boyfriend, and I've always got others trying to que up if I suddenly become single.  I think it's just a matter of putting yourself out there and being OK with who you are.  I wish you the absolute best of luck and please keep us up to date with what you are doing.

Leigh Ann cool

Posted 2/22/2012 7:27 PM (GMT -7)
I can't even tell you how many different meds I've been on in the past 2 years for my depression before finding one that works for me now (knock on wood!). It takes trial and error to find the right one, and willingness to persevere. So I'd encourage you to consider a change in your treatment if the one you're using now isn't working for the depression.

Take care
Posted 2/22/2012 7:52 PM (GMT -7)
Teresa has what is called "treatment resistant depression". She has tried many different things besides medications and it has been to no avail. I think that is why she feels that she needs to continue this treatment. Just a little fyi to bring you all up to speed with her situation. She is getting there though I think, posts have been more positive than they use to be. I don't know if she realizes that or not.

I just wanted to fill anybody in because she doesn't post a lot, and some of you might not realize the situation. I hope everybody is having a great day. Or evening...

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/22/2012 8:31 PM (GMT -7)
Thanks for the update, karen.

Theresa, i hope you can find something that works for you soon.
Posted 2/24/2012 11:26 AM (GMT -7)
Although I do value all your feedback, Karen you are my own personal hero.  I hope you know that!  I read the posts and it is so hard not to go into the long history of my depression and how it has affected my entire life.

 

I love you Karen, you have always been here for me and believe it or not you have kept me out of those dark corners in my mind from time to time.

 

Thank you

Posted 2/24/2012 12:43 PM (GMT -7)
KAREN ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JAMIE :-)
Posted 2/24/2012 3:24 PM (GMT -7)
Teresa and Jamie,

Thank you so much for your kind words. You don't know how good that makes me feel and I needed that right now. You guys are so special to me. Never forget that.

You guys are my heros.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/25/2012 4:26 AM (GMT -7)
I NEEDED THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THX KAREN. :-) JAMIE
Posted 2/27/2012 12:41 PM (GMT -7)
ALL OF YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted 2/27/2012 2:50 PM (GMT -7)
Teresa,

I hope that you are having a good day today.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/14/2012 6:17 AM (GMT -7)
Oh now they want to think about DBS!  How much longer do I have to stand back and spend thousands of dollars literally ($60,000) which I have lost all my credit because I cant afford to pay for the treatments they suggest.

 

I am just so tired of getting one step up and a hundred steps back.  I don't know how much longer I can go this alone.

Posted 3/14/2012 8:03 AM (GMT -7)
Teresa,

I know we are only virtually here, but we are here for you. I feel so bad that you and others struggle with treatment resistant depression. I truly hope you find something to help you.

Other than that. It is a beautiful day here. My girlfriend is coming over today and we are going to walk my dog. I love this weather. We are very fortunate to have nice weather right now. It is like spring. I am walking again!

I hope that you feel better sweetie. Keep on trying. Good luck with DBS...

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/14/2012 9:39 AM (GMT -7)
hi teresa, i too am struggling. many healing hugs to you. jamie

(((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
Posted 3/19/2012 10:36 AM (GMT -7)
Thanks you guys for all your input. It has been really pretty all weekend which only depresses me more.  I see motorcycles and smiling people and get more depressed.  It just seems like everyone I meet really doesnt care to spend time with me and the ones that do, there is no attraction or reason to enjoy any time with them.  It seems as if my life stopped some years ago and I am living looking at everyone and I am really not here.

 

I have decided that tomorrow when I go for my ketamine, I have decided not to receive anymore treatments.  For one, I dont know which is helping me "survive" everyday the many meds I am taking or the Ketamine.  So  I give up, I dont know what else to do.  I just want to curl up in a ball, close the blinds and never leave my bedroom.  If it werent for my son, I would.

 

My oldest daughter got married and I didnt even know, my middle daughter has been lying to me again and my son loves me to death but I have no energy when he is here and I am always "sad" he says and it makes him sad.  I really think that he will be depressed because I am and for that, I sometimes think about other alternatives to this life.

 

So I guess you could say, I'm tired and sad and dont really care what happens outside, I dont care to be part of it.

Posted 3/19/2012 10:56 AM (GMT -7)
I am so sorry that you are feeling this way Teresa. I hope and pray that there will be something to help you to feel better. How long does the ketamine treatments take to work? I wish you could be happy seeing others happy instead of sad. I love to see people happy. It makes me happy too. I so wish that you could enjoy that. Try to make your life not just about yourself, but with others too. Try to be happy for them. And try to be happy when your son is there. You can see that your depression is effecting him, and that is going to make you even more depressed. I wish you could find a good counselor to help you to think differently towards life. We have to kind of think out of the norm of our thinking patterns. We have to change the way that we look at things. It isn't easy, but it is possible. Look for some books on depression and recovery. Maybe there is a book out there that could help you.

I am sorry that the nice weather isn't making you happy. I have been out walking and it makes me feel so good. We have had unseasonably warm weather here. But it is going to get cold again next week. But March has been nice so far.

I hope that you can find a way to feel better. Keep trying. Stay outside and not in bed. I Know, easier said than done. But try to get out as much as possible.

I am kind of curious. You haven't been drinking have you? I know you lost your liscense for drinking and driving and I worry that you continue to drink. That makes us so depressed. I hope that you aren't. Because if you are, you aren't going to get any better. I hope my question hasn't offended you. I did not want to do that. I am just concerned. It just seems that you have been struggling for such a long time. I want so much to hear that you are happy. Keep us posted. And try to get out for a nice walk.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/20/2012 4:33 AM (GMT -7)
here for you teresa. jamie.
Posted 3/20/2012 4:44 AM (GMT -7)
Hey Teresa

Don't have any wise words for you..I am in a similar situation, nothing seems to be helping and I feel like an observer of life, not a participant...it really sux

Know that you are in my heart and prayers for a better life for us both

Take care
Maggie
Posted 3/21/2012 1:46 PM (GMT -7)
First of all gb~  you could never offend me because you are a true friend that has cared about me for several years.  As far as the drinking I still have an occasional glass of wine but that is all.  My drinking habits havent changed in fact I drink water now instead of sodas and other stuff.

 

When I went to the treatment thing yesterday, the doctor also agreed that the treatments should stop because he feels the same way I do that unless one entity is taken away we will never know which is helping.  So he said if I dont notice a severe change in my depression that the ketamine was not effective, but if I do then partnered with the meds the ketamine will be needed for a more invasive way of treatment should be looked at.  At this point in time, a frontal lobotomy would be just fine.  Sit me in an instituation and let me just sit and stare out the window, I do that now anyway I just wouldnt have to deal with bills, live or anything that causes this depression.  I know I sound like a drama queen but my life is so sad I would seriously go for anything right now.

 

On a good note, I get my license back tomorrow.  I am not even looking forward to it. That is how depressed I am.

Posted 3/21/2012 2:38 PM (GMT -7)
I am really happy that you are getting your liscense back and will be able to drive again. I have an occasional beer too. It doesn't seem to effect my depression one way or the other. But it is very seldom anymore. Quite a change from drinking a 12 pack a day like I use to. I just was wondering. Thanks for not taking any offense.

Teresa, I really hope that there can be something to help you. You don't sound like a drama queen. Just somebody looking for a way to feel better. Know that we all want to see you feel better and will do anything we can to help. I hope you are enjoying good weather where you are. Try sitting outside for a few minutes. I really hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/23/2012 2:55 PM (GMT -7)
GB~I thank you for all your kind words and I am so proud to hear that you dont have as many beers:)

I am feeling really sad today.  Dont know why, seems like the normal thing to feel anymore.

I am hoping to feel better next week I have my son all week for spring break.  I wanted to go south to see my family but financially I cant do it.

Well another friday nite and feeling sad.

Posted 5/5/2012 10:01 PM (GMT -7)
Page 1 of this is the page on which Faithfully4U mentions the Mayo Clinc and the effort to get Deep Brain Stimulation. She refused it, Bayou, but Mayo Clinc may be able to give you more information on the subject if you are interested in learning about it for yourself.

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 5/6/2012 4:20:03 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/6/2012 4:35 AM (GMT -7)
Teresa,

Some how I missed your post. I hope things are going well for you. Let us know what is going on. I am sorry you feel sad. I hope that you are feeling better now. Did you get the vns out? I sure hope so. Let us know, okay???

Sorry I didn't answer sooner. Was under the weather there for a week or so.

Hugs, Karen
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