How can I stop relapsing?

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fadingstar
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Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 2/25/2012 1:33 PM (GMT -6)   
I am 16 and have been experiencing depression since the age of 11, but only got in to treatment for it a year ago. For the first few months of therapy I did well; took my meds, went to counselling every week... and after finding the right antidepressant, things began to get better.

But I have a tendency to be very reckless and impulsive, and find it hard to resist doing destructive things. I feel like I deserve to be punished. My mood swings up and down very regularly and sometimes I feel out of control. I have overdosed quite a few times on my prescription meds and a couple of months ago I stopped attending counselling and stopped taking my meds altogether. Since quitting therapy, I have also dropped out of school and have just been lying in bed literally all day. My psych has tried to get me to go back in to therapy but has since given up and stopped making appointments. I guess you can say I relapsed back in to a very deep depression.

A few days I overdosed again and got severely ill, and now I know that I can't go on like this. I know I need to get back into recovery, but I am so worried that I will do something stupid, relapse and waste everyones time again. You may say that perhaps my meds weren't right for me the first time, but they were. I was actually getting better - but I felt like I didn't deserve to get better or to feel happiness. That's one of the reasons I stopped taking them.

If I do start going to therapy and taking my meds again, how can I cope better with the idea of recovery? I find it very hard to stay stable and I was wondering if anyone else felt this way while in recovery, and if there's anything I can do to prevent relapsing again.

Thank you for any replies, they are much appreciated!

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 2/25/2012 5:32 PM (GMT -6)   
HI there,

I think that the thing that will help you the most when you get back into therapy and on meds is to take life one day at a time and live in the moment. It will help you to focus on life. You have to work on it, it isn't easy. It takes time and effort on your part. You have to be dedicated to yourself. When you try, it gets easier. But I am not going to lie to you, it is work.

Go back to counseling and get back on medication. Take it properly. There is no reason for you to take more than prescribed because it isn't going to do you a bit of good. And remember it takes six to eight weeks for your antidepressant to reach full potential, though you may feel better before that. I take a mood stabilizer too and that helps me.

I hope that you get some help. Keep posting because it does help. Know that we all care about you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

fadingstar
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 2/25/2012 7:00 PM (GMT -6)   
getting by,

Thanks for your reply. I know I need to get back in to therapy - not only for myself, but for the people around me. I think the fact that I know I will have to work so hard each day puts me off getting back in to recovery as I know how hard it will be. I also know that once I'm getting better, people will expect me to take responsibility for myself, go back to school, find a job etc. It's quite childish of me to be scared of that but I guess depression gives me something to hide behind and without it I feel lost.

I guess sabotaging with my recovery has become a method of self harm and it's often hard to resist doing it. I am a very weak willed person anyway, so it's hard to stay on track. I have thought about a mood stabilizer as I usually go manic while on antidepressants but I'm not sure she would prescribe me it as I'm young.

Thanks for your reply again, I will try to get back in to therapy but I can't guarantee I will stick to it :/

-Tara

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 2/25/2012 7:42 PM (GMT -6)   
Once you get started, it isn't that hard. It is work though and dedication to yourself, but often it comes easy. Take the first step, and go from there. The easiest way to live life is one day at a time. Slow the mind down, stay in the moment. Try not to project into the future. I think once you start feeling better it will come easier and easier for you. It just takes them first steps.

We often do self sabotage ourselves from being happy because I don't think we are use to being happy and we are afraid. It isn't a comfortable feeling in the beginning, because we are always afraid to enjoy it for something might take that away from us. But you deserve happiness. We all do. Allow yourself the pleasure.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

fadingstar
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 2/25/2012 8:30 PM (GMT -6)   
getting by,

I will take your advice and try hard to stay on track with my meds and counselling this time. I know it will be hard but I think I can do it. I'm feeling positive about it this time, whereas I wasn't before!

Thanks again,

-Tara

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 2/25/2012 8:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Tara,

Sounds lilke a plan. All you can do is try, and don't give up.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 2/26/2012 2:24 AM (GMT -6)   
with much healing compassion to you, jamie
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

Abby3
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 2/26/2012 10:07 AM (GMT -6)   
Good luck with your recovery, Tara. Like Karen says, take it one day at a time. "Put one foot on front of the other and soon you'll be walkin' out the door." (a song i remember from when i was a kid)

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 2/26/2012 1:08 PM (GMT -6)   
When you get back into therapy try to really open up about what you do, feel, etc. Also do not be afraid to bring up things like you think you need an adjustment on your medication or maybe adding another medication to the mix. You can't and won't know until you ask.

One thing I am curious about is if you have ever been evaluated for ADD/HD. If not it is something you may want to consider having done. The reason I bring this up is due to you saying that you are often reckless, impulsive...etc. I have a kid who is ADD/HD and he is the same way and is also prone to bouts of deep depression.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.
Moderator Depression Forum.

JenniG
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 2/28/2012 12:34 AM (GMT -6)   
Tara:

Please don't give up! You are 16 years old and have such opportunity for a fantastic life in front of you! I don't know your circumstances, but I do know if you can get past whatever has led you into this depression, you can be a happy, functional adult. You may have relapses, but you can and should pull yourself out of them. No one can do it for you, you have to want to, but trust me, it will be worth it! Life has so much to offer you if you will just let it. Believe in you and your worth, I guarantee there will be rough days, but as long as you have faith in yourself you will make it!

May you bless yourself and fin your own unique path in life.

Keep in touch and stay strong!
-Jenni
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