Help please - I don't know what to say...

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

BrianJ (bne)
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 198
   Posted 3/2/2012 9:01 PM (GMT -6)   
This may not be the best forum to ask this but I suffer depression and bipolar so...I have just learned, after a long battle with cancer, that my sister has only 2-3 weeks left - there are no treatment options remaining. I am going to see her nest week and have no idea what to say to her, aside from the obvious.

Where can I get help?!

lost.....

Brian

justwant2bemeagain
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2011
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 3/2/2012 9:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Brian,

So sorry to hear about your sister. I put my faith in God. He has seen me through many trials. In my prayers...

Blessings, Michelle

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42285
   Posted 3/2/2012 10:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Brian,

Just being there is enough. Take it one moment at a time. She will know that you are there and she will be just so happy to have you there. So don't worry about things to say. Just go. Like I say, your presence will be enough.

I hope that you get through this okay. Grief takes time... I am so sorry to hear about your sister. I lost one of my sisters to breast cancer and the other one to lupus. Luckily I guess, I am still here.

Keep posting. And welcome to the forum. There will be others with advice.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 3/3/2012 6:15 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Brian

The answer is above, just be there. Hold her hand, help with meds, look at pictures (if she is able) share good memories with her, anything to lighten her load. Hospiace care is great if she is at home. When my Mom was on her deathbed, I crawled in her bed and held her-they need human touch. Pray if you believe.

Your presence is what counts...you have my sympathies.

Take care and keep us posted

Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

seroquel, hydrocodone clonazepam norvasc multi vitamin and magnesium

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20134
   Posted 3/3/2012 1:42 PM (GMT -6)   
with much healing compassion, jamie.
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

BrianJ (bne)
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 198
   Posted 3/3/2012 6:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you all so much for your input and caring. I did find some answers online and they are as you all have said. Be there, talk and let her know I love her.

I'm not concerned with myself - she's going through this - I just don't want to lose it with her.

Thanks again.

Brian
Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.


- Emerson

Depression, Fibromyalgia, Tourettes, Bipolar, degenerative disc, sciatica, anxiety, RLS

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42285
   Posted 3/4/2012 7:18 AM (GMT -6)   
HI Brian,

I don't think you will lose it with her, and if you do, so be it. She will know that you care. It is hard when we are losing somebody. I lost my first husband to lung cancer. It was tough, but I got though it. People pull together and you get help from the least expected places. You will be surprised. I had help from friends and family that I didn't expect. IT went well. Not that death goes well, but for th emost part it was kind of a beautiful transition from him. He looked so young and out of pain when he died.

I wish you the best. Just do the best that you can. Remember that the dieing can hear even five minutes after they are gone. So watch how you talk about her. Don't refer her to seond tense. I mean speak about her like she isn't there. Because she can hear well.

Best wishes. You will do fine. Keep posting, we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 3/4/2012 7:19 AM (GMT -6)   
Brian

I love your signature line-great words to live by.

I hope you are doing ok-pleasse keep us posted...I am glad your sister will have you there

Take care
Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

seroquel, hydrocodone clonazepam norvasc multi vitamin and magnesium

BrianJ (bne)
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 198
   Posted 3/10/2012 10:02 PM (GMT -6)   
Well, my sister is still defying the odds and hangs on. I've been with her for 6 days, the last 4 she's been unresponsive. I had to leave her today - I can't watch her whither away anymore. Two days before I got news that she had a major set-back, the woman I thought I'd finally found told me she wants me out of her life. That's the day I had an extraction and root canal.

I've run out of my pain meds for my fibro and my pharmacy's 2000 miles away.

Today was really it tho'. I took my mother to the hospital (I'm staying with her now) but I couldn't stay more than an hour - I just feel sick all over when I see her. I feel bad as my brother's are all there - guilty, ya know. I can't take the waiting. I said my goodbyes to her yesterday and we had many good conversations earlier.

I'm off work to stay and care for my mother but don't know I can do it. I have only my ex-wife as possible support back home - I can't even think of doing anything with my current relationship - I want it over anyhow, the sooner the better.

Am I wrong to stay away from my sister? I love her dearly - she saved me from much of my childhood - and hate seeing her like this. She's no more than 65 lbs now....
Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.


- Emerson

Depression, Fibromyalgia, Tourettes, Bipolar, degenerative disc, sciatica, anxiety, RLS

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42285
   Posted 3/11/2012 6:27 AM (GMT -6)   
You spent time with her. You had wonderful conversations. You have been sitting with her for awhile now. I don't think it is wrong of you to step away. You said your good byes now it is time for you to help you. Know that you were there and gave your best. We all react differently. There are no rights or wrongs. You have to get on with your life now.

I am sorry for what all is going on. Know we all care about you here. Take care of you. Feel better.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

BrianJ (bne)
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 198
   Posted 3/11/2012 4:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you Karen. My dear sister Susan finally passed this morning.

Brian
Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.


- Emerson

Depression, Fibromyalgia, Tourettes, Bipolar, degenerative disc, sciatica, anxiety, RLS

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42285
   Posted 3/11/2012 4:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Brian,

I am so sorry for your loss. But know she is in a better place now. Free from suffering. I hope you are finding peace with her passing. It is really important to healing.

Take care my friend. Know that we are all thinking of you right now.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

BrianJ (bne)
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 198
   Posted 3/12/2012 2:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Karen,

thank you again. No doubt, my sister is in a much better place. I have been lucky enough to have her husband, a doctor, prescribe my pain meds so will be able to spend more time with my mother. She needs companionship now more than ever.

If it were not for this site and all the wonderful people here, I think I may have gone nuts. Thank you everyone.

Life goes on and I now this grief will pass. I will take care of me so I can take care of my mother. I do not believe in God but am spiritual and know I will see my sister again, when it's my time. From this I can draw much comfort.

Brian
Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.


- Emerson

Depression, Fibromyalgia, Tourettes, Bipolar, degenerative disc, sciatica, anxiety, RLS

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42285
   Posted 3/12/2012 3:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Brian,

Sometimes it is hard to find the right words to say. I want you to know that we all really care here. And we understand. I lost two of my sisters at the age of 47 or 48. I am now 53. I lost one sister to breast cancer and the other to lupus. I feel fortunate to still be here. I guess...

You will get through this. It may take time. Grief is a funny thing. Just remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. We all go at our own paces. I respect your beliefs. But do take comfort in knowing that you will see her again. Like you say, when it is time. Please accept my condolences for the loss of your sister. You have fond memories to ponder upon. Do so with peace in your heart.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Friday, April 20, 2018 2:35 PM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 2,953,712 posts in 324,030 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 162098 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, LPR Sufferer.
392 Guest(s), 13 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
PeterDisAbelard., Serenity Now, Girlie, Drummerboi, mpost, tonyaraven, Pratoman, ByHisGrace, KYLEb23, Saipan Paradise, 4meows, kit49, Crazyick