Depressed husband is getting to me!

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LayEDla
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 3/22/2012 3:01 AM (GMT -6)   
First, thank you if you take the time to read this as it is a tad long.
 
Ok well about a year ago my husband lost his job he had for over 20 years. It defined who he was and he could not handle it.
 
A few years before this he was diagnosed with severe depression and was on meds. The time he was on his meds was the best time in our marriage. Unfortunately he diagnosed himself a recovered man and went off the meds.
 
After losing his job we moved towns, started a business and had another baby. So yes, a lot of change in a short amount of time. It is now a year later and I feel like I am loosing my mind.
 
I am a rather positive person and have been carrying him emotionally for over 7 years. I am slowly feeling like I am slipping into a depression myself and can not afford to as I have 2 toddlers now.
 
When he is at work, he just sits around. When we are at home, he says he's bored and just lays infront of the tv. If the kids make a noise while playing he gets so angry cause he can not hear the tv. He hardly wants to eat and smoke a lot.
 
He told me he feels like a failure and this business is too much for him. I am the one working in this business while he sits and feels sorry for himself. Excuse my anger. When we get home at 16h00, I cook, tend to the kids, clean kitchen, clean house, iron for the next day (he doesnt even take out his own clothes), feed kids, bath kids, make kids sleep. All this while he catches up on his programs.
 
He sleeps with our son in his bed and I sleep with our daughter so we do not share beds. I can not remember when last we had sex. All I remember is that he was drunk when we did.
 
He tries to be a good dad but he does not have the energy to even try and it is obviously due to his depression.
 
I smile when I am with him and try to talk only positive things but these days I am starting to not give a hoot about how he feels because I am tired!!!!
 
I cry at night because I feel alone. I go out with my girlfriends once in 3 months. He sees his friends once a week.
 
I feel like I am drowning. I am starting to loose weight without trying because I am so stressed about the future.
 
Can anyone give me some advice please?

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 3/22/2012 6:07 AM (GMT -6)   
welcome to the forum...sorry you had to come.
 
Well, he certainly sounds depressed to me AND very selfish. I would stop trying to take care of him, like laying out clothes...let him do it...do not enable his disease.
 
I think, most importantly, you need to have a heart to heart with him. Send the kids off for the night, so there are no distractions. And tell him how you feel. He needs meds and/or counseling. He needs to know his marriage is in peril. He needs to know you cannot do it alone. Be honest with him.
 
He has to TRY to make things better for him and that helps the family ultimately. I hope it will help. Just talking is a huge step. It sounds like you have alot of resentment towards him and that is natural but spill your heart and try to rise above that ..
 
Please let us know...just remeber, you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink..he has to want to get better..I know I do, for my child and my hubby.
 
Good luck and keep us posted
 
Maggie

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 3/22/2012 8:20 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

Welcome to the forum. I am gflad that you have joined us but sorry for your reason. It is easy to get taken advantage of and the other person probably doens't even realize that they are doing it. I agree with Mags. Worry about the kids and yourself and let him take care of him. Do have a talk with him first. You are doing enough. Too much I think... But that is just my opinion.

You may want to start counseling, though it sounds you have your head on straight. You see the situation for what it is and he doesn't. But counseling would give you some methods of coping with him and his situation.

Keep posting, as we do really care. And are here to try to help you. I hope that things get better soon. A talk is important. Let him know how you are feeling.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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