First, thank you if you take the time to read this as it is a tad long.
Ok well about a year ago my husband lost his job he had for over 20 years. It defined who he was and he could not handle it.
A few years before this he was diagnosed with severe depression and was on meds. The time he was on his meds was the best time in our marriage. Unfortunately he diagnosed himself a recovered man and went off the meds.
After losing his job we moved towns, started a business and had another baby. So yes, a lot of change in a short amount of time. It is now a year later and I feel like I am loosing my mind.
I am a rather positive person and have been carrying him emotionally for over 7 years. I am slowly feeling like I am slipping into a depression myself and can not afford to as I have 2 toddlers now.
When he is at work, he just sits around. When we are at home, he says he's bored and just lays infront of the tv. If the kids make a noise while playing he gets so angry cause he can not hear the tv. He hardly wants to eat and smoke a lot.
He told me he feels like a failure and this business is too much for him. I am the one working in this business while he sits and feels sorry for himself. Excuse my anger. When we get home at 16h00, I cook, tend to the kids, clean kitchen, clean house, iron for the next day (he doesnt even take out his own clothes), feed kids, bath kids, make kids sleep. All this while he catches up on his programs.
He sleeps with our son in his bed and I sleep with our daughter so we do not share beds. I can not remember when last we had sex. All I remember is that he was drunk when we did.
He tries to be a good dad but he does not have the energy to even try and it is obviously due to his depression.
I smile when I am with him and try to talk only positive things but these days I am starting to not give a hoot about how he feels because I am tired!!!!
I cry at night because I feel alone. I go out with my girlfriends once in 3 months. He sees his friends once a week.
I feel like I am drowning. I am starting to loose weight without trying because I am so stressed about the future.
Can anyone give me some advice please?