Sorry I haven't been around much...been having a bad time lately.

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Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 3/24/2012 12:29 PM (GMT -6)   
**Very long post***
Things have not been going real well for me lately and have left me with a nice bout of situational depression.

It has been so long since I have really felt this way that I had forgotten how much it really sucks. This is not to say that I did not know, understand or appreciate how depression makes you feel, but it had gotten to the point that knowing had become more intellectual but right now it is on a very personal level. There is knowing and then there is KNOWING, if you know what I mean. smilewinkgrin

It hasn't been any one thing but one thing on top of another starting last November.

In November I went to renew my driver's license only to find out that it had been suspended in 2009 for "failure to meet family obligations"..ie child support. This was news to me since while I do owe some back support I have been working with the courts closely since 2008 on this matter and the judge I was dealing with had signed an order saying that I was meeting my obligations. It wasn't the courts that ordered the suspension but rather the state department who manages support payments. Apparently the attorney general's office has failed miserably in forwarding things and of course no one in the support department can take the time time to look into anything. As it stands now I am still trying to get that suspension lifted. I have sent letters, sent copies of court orders, and made a number of phone calls to many state agencies and nothing gets done.

In December my oldest son, who is 21, was released from prison. The original charge that ended up getting him sent away for 2 years was BS and because of that my wife (not his mother) and I agreed to let him live here, under conditions, while he got on his feet. Those conditions included helping me around the house, looking for a job religiously, being home by a certain time, and no drinking or doing drugs. For the first few weeks things were great but by Christmas he started breaking his agreement bit by bit. I warned him, tried to counsel him, etc but by the end of January/first of Feb he was to the point he was breaking every agreement and I also found out he was stealing things from us so I told him to pack his things and get out. He has had problems since he was 5 or 6 and I have always felt like I have failed him as his father even though I also know that I did everything I could and then some given the overall situation that life handed me. Now that he is legally an adult I also know in my head I can't help him because he doesn't want it. Knowing this does nothing though to keep my heart from breaking over it all.

To try to sum up the rest of it quickly. Things have been very tense between my wife and I lately. She works full time and is also a full time student working towards a nursing degree. She will be graduating in Dec. Well she has a real problem managing stress and she also keeps things bottled up but not so well that no one knows that something is bothering her. For the past couple of months she has been blowing things way out of proportion, making me feel like I can't do anything right, "stomping" around the house, etc and will not talk about, go see a doctor, etc. On top of that it really does seem most everything I touch lately, every decision I make, etc is the wrong one.

I have tried to do things around the house to make things nicer and/or better, but every project I do ends up costing more time and money than it should have. It isn't that I don't know how to do the things I try, it is that I can't get my body and/or brain to fully cooperate. I have a really messed up back that I take pain pills to deal with. I also am diabetic and have chronic high blood sugar which has caused nerve damage in my arms and legs so they don't work right.

The "final straw" in this drama came a few days ago. We have been living without a working oven for over a year. The stove top worked but the oven didn't and it would have cost almost $300 to get it fixed. I finally managed to come up with the money to get a nice older range and though that swapping them out would be pretty easy. It wasn't. Come to find out the people who originally owned this house never installed an outlet for the electric oven. They had it hardwired. On top of that they used the wrong kind of line to run the power. It is big enough to handle the load but it has the wrong kind of terminals to allow a plug to be installed. Got the old stove out, which took 30 minutes and as I was moving our "new" stove into the house it fell off the hand truck and landed on its "face" shattering all of the glass on the over door and putting a huge dent in the door so that it would not even close anymore. So now we do not have a stove at all. I can't put the old one back either because it got hung up on the vinyl floor when I was taking it out and it got pulled apart.

I inherited this house from my Mom when she passed away and while I am grateful to have a place to live "rent" free and I can't wait for the day I can sell it and move out. Nothing in the house has been done right and making repairs or upgrades is a pain. My Mom didn't even want to buy this house but her brother (my uncle) talked her into it over a house in another part of town because this neighborhood is a bit nicer. She gave in to his wishes since he was helping her with the down payment. He is the type of person who values "appearance" over function and also thinks that there is never a problem that can't be solved by throwing money at it. Thats fine when you don't have kids and you and your wife each have 6 figure incomes. BTW: That other house my mom wanted to buy was 5000 less than she paid for this one and also had been completely gutted and renovated 5 years before it was put up for sale and it was a bit larger in both home and lot.

Sorry for the long post but I really needed to vent and get enough out to ease the burden enough to try and get back on my feet. The only thing that has really kept me going at all lately is my Bubbers (6 y/o son). He is a good kid with a big heart. I have the normal issues that any kid presents but on the whole he makes me proud and is 80% different than his brother. I have little doubt my Bubbers is going to grow into a good man one day.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.
Moderator Depression Forum.

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 3/24/2012 1:24 PM (GMT -6)   
I am sorry, Jim, about your situation. Life isn't really fair at times, is it?

I hope you will see your doctor soon and have your medications evaluated and make sure things are okay chemically. Then, I guess it's take one day at a time until you can purchase a stove, have the house wired correctly for its installation, and see that your wife has psychotherapy if she needs it.

Glad your little son is turning out to be a gem. Much of it all is in the genes, though good parenting plays a huge role in a child's self-respect.

The drug thing in the world is really serious. The United States has a problem with it that is going to cost billions of dollars in funding to provide housing for those who cannot say no to drugs. Years ago, I had an acquaintance who told me that this country is going to have to spend hugely to provide housing for drug addicts who refuse to get help and cannot on their own manage to stay drug free.

It is a condition that all of us need to be cognizant of and try to help get people back on the right track in life if we can.

I hope things improve radically for you very soon.

Compassionately,

It's Genetic

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42613
   Posted 3/24/2012 1:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Jim,

I am glad that you posted. Don't worry about moderating, as the forum has been really slow lately anyway. Take care of you and your family situations. Like IG said, take it one day at a time. That really helps take the stress off. I am sorry for what you are going through. You sure do have a lot on your plate. I hope that you get the driver's liscense thing straightened out. I wouldn't stop until you do. How do they expect a person to work to pay child support if they can't drive? I don't know what they are thinking.

I am happy for your little one and that he can bring a smile to your face. Sounds like he is really prescious. You are fortunate to be able to enjoy this time with him. I really hope that things work out for you. Try to stay in the moment of things. Take care Jim, and do keep us posted. When you can... I really hope that things get better.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20282
   Posted 3/24/2012 3:39 PM (GMT -6)   
with much healing compassion jim. jamie
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 3/26/2012 5:57 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks.

I have calmed down a bit. If I could get some good sleep more than one night in every 10-14 it would help too. Between the pains I have and the pain meds it makes it real hard to get to sleep and stay asleep.

Before anyone jumps in with well meaning suggestions about switching pain meds, taking something to help me sleep, etc I have tried the latter in many, many, many forms and my options are non-existent in the former.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.
Moderator Depression Forum.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42613
   Posted 3/26/2012 8:29 AM (GMT -6)   
I know once you get comfortable with pain meds, it is difficult to switch. I was going to try the butrans pain patch(although I am kind of scared of it), but my insurance is slow on paying for it. It was priorauthorized by the doc, but nothing yet from the ins. co.

I am taking pain meds now, but I need something stronger actually. So I am going to talk to the doc about that next month. I will need more pain meds this month, as he only gave me half, because of the patch that I haven't gotten yet. Frustrating.

I hope you feel better soon Jim. You are doing a fantastic job moderating. Just wanted you to know that.

I hope your day is a good one.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 3/28/2012 10:29 PM (GMT -6)   
My issue with pain meds is that I am limited on what the doctor will prescribe me. I used to take morphine which worked well and did not mess up my sleep too much but I ended up having severe memory issues on it. Because so many pain meds are so closely related to morphine my doctor is very reluctant and careful about what she prescribes. Then on top of that because I am currently on medicaid there are very few pain meds they will approve.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.
Moderator Depression Forum.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42613
   Posted 3/29/2012 6:28 AM (GMT -6)   
I found out I will not get the butrans patch, I haven't tried enough other medicatins. I was very disappointed to find this out. So now I am going to have to try getting something just a little stronger than what I take. I know being on medicaid is rough. My insurance isn't much better. But it helps. There are drugs that they will pay for with priorauthorization. I would talk to them about it and find out what. I hope you find what works for you soon. Thanks for the post.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 3/29/2012 10:08 AM (GMT -6)   
Awe Jim, so very sorry about what your going thru, seems like when it rains it pours...
can you find an appliance outlet store, sears has some, where they don't cost as
much as new ones and they do have slightly dented/scratched ones...we got our
refrigerator at a sears outlet, it was a better price than buying it new....These things
do costs so much new...
Hopefully the venting helped, and sounds like you got a good little Bubbers, if only they could stay good like that....
Many many well wishes in hopes things get better for you soon...every cloud has a silver lining, somewhere...
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* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
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