I am new, by LabyrinthQueen

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getting by
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   Posted 3/26/2012 12:56 PM (GMT -6)   
LaburinthQueen,
 
I moved your post here because I think it needs more attention than it will get on the other thread.  I think your post needs addressing.
 
I'm not sure what to do. I hate myself and just wanna disappear off the face of the earth. I mean I have a good life and I know I don't have an excuse to feel the way I do but I can't help it. I started drinking and doing  with my boyfriend to make him happy so he wouldn't hit me anymore but that just made things worse. I don't know what to do. I can't leave him because i love him. I feel really stupid.
I don't really think my life has any meaning. I'm worthless and so are my problems.
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Post Edited (getting by) : 3/26/2012 12:00:03 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
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   Posted 3/26/2012 12:59 PM (GMT -6)   
In my opinion, LabrinthQueen, I think you should leave your boyfriend. He isn't treating you right. Nobody deserves to be hit. I am sure that is what is causing your depression. He isn't worthy of your love.

Get yourself clean and sober. We aren't suppose to discuss drugs here so I had to edit your post. But you need to do healthy things for yourself and the first thing is to leave your boyfriend. You will find somebody else that will treat you right.

Keep posting, know that we care.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

LabyrinthQueen
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Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 3/27/2012 8:48 AM (GMT -6)   
You don't understand. I honestly can't leave him and I was dealing with depression long before he ever came along. I love him. He's everything to me. What goes on with him isn't the problem. It's my fault. I'm an idiot and not worth anything. The world would be better off without me.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
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   Posted 3/27/2012 9:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Your thinking is totally distorted. How can you love somebody that hits you? You don't deserve that. Nobody does. It isn't your fault. You are witht he wrong man. There are men that would put you up on a pedestal. You are not an idiot. And you are worth a lot. The world wouldn't be a better place without you. You are worthy.

Please take this into consideration. You are a worthy person, we all are. You deserve to be loved, we all do. You don't deserve to be hit by anybody. And anybody that would do that, does not deserve you. Please see a counselor, they can help you get things straight.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Chartreux
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   Posted 3/27/2012 10:28 AM (GMT -6)   
LabyrinthQueen,
I have to agree with Karen/gettingby, anyone that can hit another person is the wrong person to
be with period...it's not your fault in any way, there is nothing wrong with you except for
the depression and you need to seek out counseling...Counseling with help you get your life back.
You are a Worthy Person, you are special and don't forget that...everyone is special and you do touch
people in good ways...please at least consider leaving your abusive boyfriend...get counseling
first so maybe your counselor can help you find a shelter or help for you...please keep us posted we do care...
and now it's time you cared about yourself...you are a worthy person...
**********************************************
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
********>^..^<********>^..^<*******

LabyrinthQueen
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Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 3/27/2012 11:14 AM (GMT -6)   
If I leave him, he'll come after me. He told me if I ever left he would go berserk or kill himself. If he knew I was on this site, you have no idea what he would do. I can't see a counselor because he won't let me.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 3/27/2012 11:50 AM (GMT -6)   
Do you have any friends or family you can talk to? Or a pastor?

Only you can get out of this situation. You have to know, there is a better life... You need to talk to somebody and get out of this situation. How about going to school? That would help you with your self esteme. Would he let you? You are living with somebody that is controlling you with fear. That isn't right, you don't deserve it. But you have to be the one to realize this and you have to be the one to change your life. Talk to somebody, be careful. Know that we all care about you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Chartreux
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Date Joined Aug 2006
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   Posted 3/27/2012 4:08 PM (GMT -6)   
There are battered women's shelters...go to a Church (catholic) as any church should know how to get you to a shelter...
pack your stuff up when he is gone and go for it....Your life is now at stake if he's threatened you this badly....
If you had Children he could and would hurt them, would you stay with him then...or go to the Police
department....someone out there should be able to help....you are so worth it and so is your future, you
can get away...
**********************************************
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
********>^..^<********>^..^<*******

LabyrinthQueen
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 3/28/2012 8:54 AM (GMT -6)   
He's all I have. He's my life. I don't have to worry about kids because it's impossible for me to have children. Like I said if I leave he'll follow. I don't know what he would do if I left and he caught up with me. It would be...bad. But he's not the problem. It's the darn voices. They are the ones that are causing my depression.

greenbean885
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Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 3/28/2012 9:09 AM (GMT -6)   
Labyrinth,

I am aware and compassionate of your situation, but a bit confused. It seems you know the situation you are in is not as healthy one, as you stated yourself that it made things worse. Love does not require sacrificing your morals or happiness for someone else. Perhaps you are attached to this man because you feel he loves you, but with assistance, you are capable of loving yourself much greater than he, or anyone else, ever will. Many of us here have been in tough relationships and I promise, once you love truly love yourself, life is a lot more meaningful.

You CAN get away. I've witnessed it first hand. Yes, he may come after you, but like others mentioned, there are people and places that provide a safe shelter in those events. You may move to a different area while in those safe places, but their priority is keeping him away from you and getting you back on your feet. The help does exist, but only if you are open to it.

I think you came to this site because you want help. It is ok to be scared of what that might entail, but know that you are worth it and you can do it. You have a purpose here on this Earth and you deserve love and happiness.

I hope find some comfort in the posts you read. He is not all you have... you have yourself, and now, you have us.

LabyrinthQueen
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 3/28/2012 9:16 AM (GMT -6)   
I...I have to leave this site. He found out.

LabyrinthQueen
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Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 3/28/2012 10:13 AM (GMT -6)   
Besides, the last time I tried to leave I got shoved down the stairs.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 3/28/2012 12:27 PM (GMT -6)   
He is seriously going to hurt you if you don't get out of there. Go to a woman's shelter. I hope you are okay.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

medved
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Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 1100
   Posted 3/28/2012 1:37 PM (GMT -6)   
LQ --

Karen is right. NOBODY need to stay in an abusive relationship.

There are organizations in nearly every city that will offer you a place to stay, safety and security, and help getting back on your feet. These are good organizations with caring people who know what its like. They have helped thousands of people just like you.  They will not judge you and they will not let you get hurt.

If you cannot find such a place, one of us can help you find a place if you tell us where you are located.

You are not worthless. You are just in a difficult situation. But you can turn your life around and make it better.
 
Take the first step. 
 
Best wishes,

Medved

Chartreux
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Date Joined Aug 2006
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   Posted 3/29/2012 9:41 AM (GMT -6)   
LQ
When a person says "they'd track you down and get you", that is a "Threat" and one to you life,
you need to get out of this situation now...you can find someone who is more worthy for you
they are out there, but you need to seek out help and either go to the police or a church and
ask about the battered women shelter's...If this is your first love, you will find and have other loves...
you are so worth so much more for yourself....please seek out the help...
Best of wishes...
**********************************************
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
********>^..^<********>^..^<*******

LabyrinthQueen
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 3/30/2012 10:10 AM (GMT -6)   
He isn't going to hurt me. He's just mad because I'm depressed and hear voices in my head. He just wants me to be a better girlfriend. Why can't you see it's not his fault. He can't help that he's an addict. If I weren't so messed up things could be better.

greenbean885
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Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 3/30/2012 10:32 AM (GMT -6)   
He can't help he's an addict??? You're joking, right?!?!?!

We are all responsible for our own choices. No, not every situation we are thrown into, but the way we react to the situation is what is important. Maybe your boyfriend had a bad past and it encouraged him to escape through harmful outlets. But that is how he CHOSE to deal with it. Sure, he may pressure you into joining him by threats or pressure, but you are choosing not to leave.

And honey, voices in your head are of some concern. You really owe it to yourself to seek some help, even if it is just letting a professional know what you are hearing. If anything, I would hope they could suggest some coping mechanisms that may help you find comfort from what you are hearing. It's a very frustrating and exhausting experience, but with the proper guidance, you can begin to feel better.

LabyrinthQueen
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 3/30/2012 10:38 AM (GMT -6)   
There was a time, back in high school when I had a counselor. She told me to leave him too. I never told her about the voices or the horrible nightmares. I'm on medication. Atarax for my anxiety but I've been taking four or five pills at a time just so I can be slightly relaxed. He thinks it's funny when I start to have a panic attack. And he makes me take some of his stuff because he cares. Even if he would let me, I couldn't see a professional because I don't have the money and I can't get healthcare.

Chartreux
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Date Joined Aug 2006
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   Posted 3/30/2012 10:40 AM (GMT -6)   
You are not messed up...you are a worthy person and greenbean885 said it good, go
seek out counseling and see what the counselor says to your situation....but
you should at least consider leaving and getting out of this situation...all
of us here care about you and we think you are in danger....
Many well wishes and keep us posted, and, do seek out counseling....
**********************************************
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
********>^..^<********>^..^<*******

LabyrinthQueen
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 3/30/2012 10:50 AM (GMT -6)   
Like I said. I can't afford counseling.

Chartreux
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Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 3/30/2012 10:59 AM (GMT -6)   
Maybe try a free clinic, Karen/getting by, knows more about where to find counseling...
Maybe ask a local pastor of a church....hopefully karen/getting by will come by and give you suggestions where to seek out the counseling...
**********************************************
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
********>^..^<********>^..^<*******

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 3/30/2012 2:12 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey there sweetie,

You can't keep making excuses for his actions. He is mean to you and not treating you right. But only you can do something about it. We can try to convince you, but the choice is up to you.

Here is a free site that might help you. Though with the extent of your depression and anxiety, I honestly think you need professional help. Especially if you are hearing things. I am glad that you recognize the extent of your emotional problems. But you are taking fault for things that aren't your fault or your responsibility. Be careful. I don't want to see you hurt.

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

There is also

http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome

Though I have heard that moodgym is the best. This will probably help you some with your depression, but you do need to do something about your life situation. You deserve to be happy, and feel safe. I hope that you can see that. I Know it is hard. Believe me. My first husband use to hit me the first two years of our relationship when he was drinking. After he stopped he never laid a hand on me. So I was lucky. But I don't know if you are going to be lucky. I don't know if your man is going to change. Please take care. Know that we all care about you and your safety. There are options. You just have to take the steps to do them.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

LabyrinthQueen
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 4/2/2012 8:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Sorry I haven't been on. I was in the ER friday night.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 4/2/2012 9:14 AM (GMT -6)   
I hope you are okay. Did you want to tell us why you went to er? We are here to listen...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

LabyrinthQueen
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 4/2/2012 9:17 AM (GMT -6)   
I um fell down the stairs. I broke my leg. In a lot of pain.
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