New here...can't keep living like this

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

FrancieNolan
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 3/28/2012 8:22 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm here out of sheer desperation. I'm 60 years old and have dealt with panic disorder and major depression for about 15 years. I thought I had it pretty much under control until about 9 months ago. The past 3 months have been worse.

I'll try to keep the background info as short as possible. Unfortunately, there's a lot of it. shocked I used to be a Type A personality and had a very nice career, then later started my own successful business. Then I had back surgery that resulted in permanent nerve damage in my right leg and chronic pain. After that, I started having panic attacks which became debilitating and I developed major depressive disorder. My husband was dx'd w/ invasive bladder cancer in '04, then PTSD in '09 (he's a VietNam vet). My mother developed Alzheimers in '07, then my stepdad was dx'd with lung cancer in early 2011. I took care of my mom for 3 years, then took care of both of them for another year. about a year and a half ago, my stepdad died and two months later I had to put my mom in a nursing home. My husband and I moved into her house...which actually belongs to me. When I finally got my mom in the nursing home, I was soooo relieved and thought once I rested up that I'd return to normal...normal for me, that is.

Since shortly after the move, I can't seem to care about anything. There are still two rooms in the house that aren't organized, there are still boxes that haven't been unpacked, and I simply don't care. I don't care about anything. Most days I stay in my PJs all day, playing stupid games on the internet, and having to force myself to do even the most trivial of everyday chores like loading the dishwasher or preparing a (very) simple meal. I feel guilty because I know people think I'm lazy but I just can't seem to get up and do anything. I don't shower as often as I should and haven't gotten a haircut in way too long. And while I feel I should care, I just don't.

I have no friends, though I used to have a large circle of them. I don't socialize, it's too much trouble. And every night I go to bed not having accomplished a single thing, while the list of stuff that should be done just keeps mounting. And I still don't care.

I know my husband and I (we've been married 42 years) feed off each other. He sleeps until noon most days, rarely gets dressed, and just sits. He's a kind and gentle man but not very sensitive. If I don't do anything, he doesn't either, and vice versa.

I know this is very unhealthy. I am on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds, but something's not working anymore. I have considered just not worrying about what needs to be done and finding something I enjoy doing, but I don't enjoy anything. Not even the activities I used to love. If a genie jumped out of a bottle right this minute and said she could grant me a day of doing anything I could dream of, I still couldn't think of anything to wish for...except that all the stuff I've neglected would be magically done.

I'm sooooo tired of living like this. And at my age, it's not like I have decades of life left. I'd like to enjoy the years I have left and not let them just disappear into an abyss of misery.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42434
   Posted 3/28/2012 11:26 AM (GMT -6)   
HI there!

I noticed you posted on fibromyalgia too and that though you aren't diagnosed, you suspect you have it. I do too. There are two medications that have really helped me in the last few years. Though I still can't do what I use to be able to do. But one is abilify. It got added to my pristiq and xanax. It is a mood stabilizer and it has really helped. The other is adderall. It keeps me from sleeping all day and night. I slept for two years when I first got fibromyalgia.

You have two things to contend with. I would let the doctor know of your suspicion of the condition of fibro. They can help you. See a counselor too. They really help. At least by doing so, you are doing something for yourself to get better. Coming here can help to. It is nice to get things out in writing. And the members here are wonderful.

Try going for a walk. Oh and vitamin D3 helps a lot too. I take 5000 iu of it a day. I also take fish oil and calcium. Walking gets the endorphines going, so you not only feel better physically and mentally. Try not to beat yourself up over what you can't do right now. But do try to shower. That is the first thing that goes with me when I am depressed. I do it in the morning too. It is too easy to go to bed without one. Especially when I am longing for the bed.

I hope that this helps a little and that you feel better soon. Do keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 3/28/2012 2:05 PM (GMT -6)   
It really sounds like to me that you have been basically overwhelmed by things for so long that now that you have been able to take a bit of rest you just can't get going again. Then add to it that your husband is unmotivated it certainly is understandable how it makes it even harder for you to get motivated.

I go through this a lot myself with my wife on things. I find myself thinking and feeling that if she does not care enough about something to lift a hand to help then why should I.

I am with Karen on that I think seeing a counselor would do you a world of good. It would give you someone to talk to about everything that has been going on in your life and is going on now. It would also give you a reason to get out of the house and do something.

Try not to let yourself get caught up in any need or desire to go from 0 to 60 in a moment. Take it slow and easy and get moving and doing bit by bit and focus instead not on what you didn't get done that day but on what you did no matter how small that accomplishment may seem to you or anyone else.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.
Moderator Depression Forum.

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 3/28/2012 2:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello, Francie, and welcome to the Depression Forum,

You've been through enough in your life to cause what is known as "traumatic Stress Syndrome". It can affect the chemical balance in the brain and leave you with the exact feelings you describe. The fact that your husband has faced cancer and still has fear, probably, of its reoccurring has led to his stress syndrome disorder, as well.

We aren't doctors, so we can't diagnose or prescribe medications, but it seems to me that it would be in both your husband's and your best interests to see a psychiatrist or a specialist in blood chemistry of some type who can do the bloodwork to determine if you have depression, then medicate it to get you started on a life that seems a content one if no more positive than that, although I think you both would benefit greatly from the help of specialists in the field of depression.

Take care of yourselves and look into this right away for getting started on better feeling tone.

I admire your willingness and ability to take care of elderly relatives; that speaks admirably of your character.  Doing that is
an exhaustive and draining effort that many people cannot do no matter how much they love others.

Good wishes,

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 3/28/2012 2:26:29 PM (GMT-6)


FrancieNolan
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 4/2/2012 8:21 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello everybody, I'm so sorry I haven't gotten back to this thread to acknowledge your kind responses. Unfortunately, I wound up going to the ER twice since I posted this message. I have a collapsed lumbar disc, whatever that is. I'm on some pretty major pain meds as well as steroids...not sure I'm thinking straight at the moment.

Please forgive my lapse in responding and I will get back to this thread as soon as I can sit up for any decent length of time. Right now, I'm taking meds and pretty much having to stay in bed on my left side. Waiting for a call from my regular doc re: scheduling a CT scan. The pain is intense. Thanks again for your responses. I'm sooooo sorry that I left y'all hanging.

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 4/2/2012 12:51 PM (GMT -6)   
In layman terms your discs are the shock absorbers for your spine. They are in between each of the bone segments in your spine. Unfortunately sometimes they wear out in one or more ways. In your case what has happened is that the disc has become very thin allowing the bones in your spine to make contact. You may also have one or more nerves in that area being pinched.

Don't be shocked if your doctor, at some point, ends up ordering an MRI. It is probably the best imaging test available at showing disc and nerve problems.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.
Moderator Depression Forum.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42434
   Posted 4/2/2012 2:53 PM (GMT -6)   
I am so sorry about your pain. I hope that you feel better soon. Thanks for posting an update. That was so kind of you to think of us. Take it easy and write when you can sit up longer. I will keep this short so that you don't have to put a lot of time into reading this.

Keep us posted...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Wednesday, June 20, 2018 7:48 AM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 2,973,526 posts in 326,103 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 161099 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Falksi.
385 Guest(s), 10 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
ezhoe, tickbite666, Serenity Now, convertible68, Tom1, RobLee, ejc61, cppoly, straydog, iPoop