I have had Major Depressive Disorder for going on 7 years. The worst moment of the day is the moment I open my eyes and realize I have to slog thru another meaningless day. I understand how you feel. I, too have taken countless meds, had 18 ECT treatments, been hospitalized 6-7 times in psych units. I have also done meditation, visualization, biofeedback, lots of prayer AND then more meds!!!
i have been lucky-I did find relief for 1-2 years with welbutrin and seroquel and occasional lorazepam. I wish I did not need meds, that I could be happy on my own, but depression is a physiological and neurological disorder of the brain...IT IS a disease, like my high blood pressure, I will take meds for that for a long time. There are things I can do to mitigate my high BP and my depression, but I will be on meds for the rest of my life. If that is what I have to do to feel joy, or friendship again, I will. I hope you can do this too-all it takes is the right combo for you, just you. Each of us is different in our recovery. Your guilt is a useless, destructive energy-sucker...put it aside and tell yourself every day that your life is NOT over, that there is a life out there for you. Do not stop seeking help, support...if you give up, who will fight for you??
I start new meds this week and I have high hopes. If not, I will try again and again. Until I get it right!! Will you take that journey with me?
Take good care and let me know how you are
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica
seroquel, hydrocodone clonazepam norvasc multi vitamin and magnesium