Isolation, no one to turn to?

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taraturtle
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Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 4/11/2012 7:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello all.

I have been seeing my current psych for over a year now and I have only got a whole lot worse. I used to have a life, but now I just lay in bed all day every day - literally. I haven't left the house in two weeks as I am so anxious and paranoid about the outside world. I feel as if my psych is not helping me and the only thing she offers me are 1. pills (I wont take them as the ones I have tried in the past made me manic and suicidal), 2. talk therapy (I have been in counselling for the past three years and it hasn't helped me one little bit - if anything I come out of sessions each week feeling drained and 100x worse), and 3. hospital (just plain and simply NO!).

I expressed all of this to my family today and they didn't even try to be understanding. They said things like, 'Why can't you just pull yourself together and get a job?' and 'Lots of people are in much worse situations than you and they get through it - what's stopping you?'. I thought they had come a long way to understanding my depression and anxiety but they proved to me today that they don't even believe I have an illness.

I don't really know what else to do. Do I keep going to therapy even though I feel it is not helping? Do I go back on medication even if I feel suicidal when on it? Or do I just keep doing what I'm doing? I feel like I have no one to turn to and so I came here (sorry about that!). Can anyone offer any advice - it would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you,

Tara.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 4/11/2012 8:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Tara,

Maybe a different threapist would help. A different technique. I would let your therapist know thatyou feel you are at a standstill and not getting anywhere. Maybe there is something different you can try. Don't give up. Don't worry about the people who don't understand. Just work on you. Find some books on cbt or depresssion. Try reading them. You have to keep trying in order to find what works for you. Maybe herbals would work. 5htp or dephlin. Just don't give up.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

pocketfull
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 350
   Posted 4/11/2012 8:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Tara, Im so sorry you are going thru such a bad time. I know what you are going thru dear. I am 61 yrs old and my family still doesnt get it. In the past year I leave my house for doctor appointments. Thats all. My husband does all grocery shopping and usual needs for us. I have gotten so homebound now that I like it. I dont want people around and I dont want to go anywhere. I have one suggestion to you that might help. It did help me when I was young. Ask your doctor if he can recommend a small therapy group. I got so much good from real live people in small group. That can give some of the best help. I will think of you and remember you can come here and be with supportive friends.....Heres a big old fat texas hug for you.....Cathy

Jim1969
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Date Joined Jul 2009
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   Posted 4/11/2012 8:52 PM (GMT -6)   
If you will allow me to play devil's advocate for a moment in regards to your family.

As uncaring as they may seem right now that may be the farthest from the truth. They may be feeling as helpless as you do right now, if not more so.

Anyway I fully agree with Karen in that it would seem time to seek out a new therapist and/or a new type of therapy. There are dozen of different base therapies out there with dozens if not hundreds of variations.

Also while I understand your feelings in regards to the hospital I do urge you to rethink your stance on this issue and try to become open to it. A stay in the right facility might be a good thing as you can get intensive treatment in a short amount of time that can get you out of the rut you are in. Just like treating an infection you can do it two ways. One is to get some antibiotics from the pharmacy and spend days taking pills or you could go into the hospital and get large concentrated doses through an IV and be back on your feet in days instead of weeks of at home treatment.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.
Moderator Depression Forum.

taraturtle
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 4/12/2012 10:18 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for all the replies.

I know hospital seems like a good idea but all they could offer me is medication and talking. The medication will take a few months to get working anyway so if I did go in there I would be committing myself there for months - and I don't want to do that. It's also hard to not worry about what my family think because they are all I've got right now. The fact that they don't even try to understand is what hurts me the most. They could read up on depression, visit a doctor about it, ask me how I feel, but they don't. Also about the therapy... I have tried art therapy, counselling, and psychotherapy - all of which have failed to help. I don't really feel like I have any options right now at all.

-Tara.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 4/12/2012 1:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Tara,

The threapy could help this time around. Especially the psychotherapy. I really think you should give it a try. Do you have a psychiatrist? Talk to them about medication. Especially if you don't want to go to the hospital.

I have to be blunt for a moment. You can't expect others to look up depression, talk to a doctor or even ask you how you feel, unless you educate them. You have to let them know that is what you want from them. Then if they don't do it, that is their choice. But if you want somebody educated about your condition, you have to do it. Tell them how you feel. They aren't going to do it just because you wish they would. You have to explain it to them. And people who aren't depressed themselves really don't understand what we are going through. Unless they are medically trained to know. I think you are expecting a lot out of your friends that probably isn't going to happen unless you initiate it.

Just because your therapy didn't work before doesn't mean it wont this time around. Maybe you will try harder, or see things differently. Maybe you will have a different therapist that can help you better. You have to keep trying. Some of us try many different medications before we find the right one. It is a process and it isn't easy. It takes time too. So get started and seek out help. You have to be the one to do it. You can't expect anybody to do it for you. I wish you the best.

Keep posting. Never give up and take life one day at a time...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

taraturtle
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 4/13/2012 6:40 AM (GMT -6)   
getting by,

Thanks for your reply.

You are right. I guess I am asking for a lot that I'm probably not going to get. I think I am still in denial even after 5 long years that I have to make my own choices regarding my treatment and that I have to make it work. I guess I still hope that the depression will go away on it's own magically without me having to do anything, but deep down I know that I will have to put in a lot of hard work every single day to get better and I might fail, and that prospect terrifies me. I've been giving everyone excuses as to why I can't get better, or rather giving myself excuses. But I know that, really, it's just that I haven't tried hard enough. The worst part is, I haven't even started to get better, and it so easy to just dwell in the depression and to not try at all.

How do you guys fight it every single day? How do you get back on track when you fail like me?

-Tara.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 4/13/2012 7:15 AM (GMT -6)   
Tara,

I don't think of it as you failing as much as you haven't found the right method yet. I think we all would wish it would just go away. I have been on meds for 30 years. I tried many kinds before I found what was right for me, and yes at first it was a little discouraging. I had to try a few before I started to feel good. I even stopped it thinking I was cured, only to find out I needed it.

Yes dwelling is easy. When I got fibromyalgia, I was so sick. I spent two years in bed. But then I learned to take life one day at a time. Like each day is a new beginning. Stopped worrying about the future (because I never knew, and still dont, what the next day entails. Am I going to feel well) and stopped dwelling on the past. I felt like I had lost everything. I was in so much pain and so exhausted. But then I got determined to find meds to help me. I got pain meds to fight the pain. And adderall to give me energy. Plus antidepressants, mood stabilizers and anxiety meds. So I take a lot of medications. Which I wish I didn't, but I have to.

Talking here is a start for you. You are opening up about what is not right with you. So you are trying. You ask for advice, that is hard to do. I fought a hard battle for years. But once I found the proper medications, I began to feel better. The one that really helps me is the mood stabilizer. It makes the antidepressant work better and it also works well on it's own. It keeps me from thinking too much, which I have alwasy had a problem with that.

I don't know how I go day to day other than to take one day at a time. That is the best that we can do. And you can do that too. Have you ever tried meditation? It really helps. It gives you a different look on life. It helps you focus on the now. Give it a try.

Here is a site that might help you and it is free. It is called moodgym. http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

See if that helps you any.

Keep posting, keep trying. Most of all get a good psychiatrist. They are so good at figuring out what we need. And a good counselor helps me. She is my psychiatrist's nurse. And she also does massage therapy. Which really helps. I hope that you feel better soon. Let us know what is going on and how you are doing. Like I said, keep posting. I hope that mood gym helps you a little.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 4/13/2012 8:18 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello, Taraturtle, and welcome to the Depression Forum,

You've been given some very helpful information, and I hope you will apply as much as is appropriate for you.

Deep in the minds of all of us who suffer depression is the idea that we will one day be okay and that it's up to us to make sure that happens. I've found that reliance on a religious Superior Being has been of great help and supplementing that with meditation, as was suggested by Gettingby, is a double whammy at knocking out depression.

Try to help yourself, not only in spiritual ways, but also in physical ways, as well. Please do not eat or drink anything with caffeine in it, because while it gives a momentary boost, it causes a reaction by creating a drop in feeling tone as soon as the caffeine wears off. The same thing is true of alcohol and chocolate; they all provide momentary relief but make the illness worse after the positive effects wear off. (Those two directives were given to me by my pschiatrist when I first saw one for depression.) In addition, they are addictive, and you want to avoid that at all costs.

Watch your diet, as well. Look at a website called Alkaline Foods.com and try to use foods of that type rather than foods that are acidic in reaction. Foods can be calming, too, as they react chemically with the fluids of our bodies. Lemon juice is one such example.

You have a journey to make to come out of the tunnel of depression. Once you've come through that into the sunlight, life will be far more effective for you and you will enjoy living.

Take care of yourself--that's the ultimate goal.

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 4/13/2012 7:24:04 AM (GMT-6)


taraturtle
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 4/13/2012 11:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you both for the replies,

It's Genetic... I am aware that my diet and exercise regime is not very good at all at the moment. Due to the depression I have been sleeping in till 3pm and therefore don't eat breakfast or lunch - only dinner. Exercise is non existent. As for the caffeine... that isn't good either! I must drink about 6 cups of tea a day. I suppose all of this is something I will have to work hard on! Thank you for the advice.

Getting By... I have tried a couple of different antidepressants and both made me very ill. I have been thinking about trying a mood stabilizer as with antidepressants, all they do is make my moods intensify and my thoughts harder to control. I am seeing my psychiatrist in a few days and I think I'm going to just tell her all of what I have told you all today and see what she comes up with. I know that I need to try hard to fight this each day... but if all of you can do it then hopefully I can too.

-Tara.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 4/13/2012 1:46 PM (GMT -6)   
Tara,

You might want to print out this thread or at least your posts, so that the psychiatrist can read it. We often forget to tell them everything. I carried a list of all I wanted to discuss with mine. Surprisingly when he got done asking me questions, he had covered everything on my list.

It is strange that a mood stabilizer would have your mind all over the place. Though there are a few different kinds and maybe the one you tried just didn't work for you. I take abilify and it works wonders. Risperdol worked good, but abilify is better, for me that is.

I think you will get better, as you sound like you really do want to. A lot of our progress comes from our own determination of self. Try to take it one day at a time until you see the doctor. This really does help. Live in the moment, or the now as they say. You will get there, we will help you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

taraturtle
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 4/13/2012 2:34 PM (GMT -6)   
getting by,

I meant that the antidepressants I was on made me all over the place, and that is why I think maybe a mood stabilizer would help me instead.

I do really want to get better - it's just a case of how I go about that! I'll just have to keep pushing on and seeing what helps and what doesn't. Thanks for all the advice!

-Tara.

No Worries!
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 225
   Posted 4/13/2012 10:19 PM (GMT -6)   

Tara,

 

Everyone has given you such excellent advise already.  I just want to encourage you to not give up!  You just need to find that special bond with a different Psychologist/Psychiatrist.  Also, please continue to write down your feelings and share them with a trusted family member and us if you'd like.  Your family is scared for you and have no idea what to say or do.  Perhaps there is at least one close family member who you can rely on and who can be your ally?  If you can get one person to walk a mile in your shoes, that's a major battle.    

 

We here are like an extended family and either are or have been where you are now.  Who better to vent to and...and share your joy when you achieve your goals and finally shake your depression. 

 

Hey, I'm pretty much where you are now.  I just started seeing a Psychologist, which is awkward to me...sharing my personal weaknesses with an outsider.  So far we seem to be on the same page, but this may change and if it does I will find another shrink. ;)  As for family support, well my wife doesn't feel I need to see a Shrink.  My other family members are aware that I'm depressed, but have no real idea how so.  They all live 5 states away and I don't want them to worry about something that they cannot help me with.  I'm motivated to feel better and like you, I have a right to feel happy and satisfied with the rest of my life.  Decades ago, people who suffered from a mental illness were lobotomized, electrocuted and locked away. I am so thankful times have changed!      

 

I often must remind myself that, WHERE THERE IS FAITH THERE IS HOPE. 

 

Stay strong, best wishes!

 

Charles


taraturtle
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 4/14/2012 5:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for your advice Charles. It really helps to know there are others who feel the same way as I do and that I shouldn't give up. I don't think my family will ever really understand, but to be honest if I wasn't going through it I don't think I would understand depression - or any other mental illness either. Hopefully me and all of the people here on this Forum can one day be free of it.

-Tara.

No Worries!
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 225
   Posted 4/14/2012 5:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Tara,

Meanwhile be sure to keep us updated on how you are doing. You are now a part of our extended family!

Perhaps you can suggest some of your family check out this website and perhaps by reading about other people suffering from depression and other medical disorders they can begin to better understand.

Anyone who wishes is welcome to email me, should they want to extend a conversation. I have made a few good friends this way and we call each other for support and to occupy our time.

Stay strong Tara!

Charles

lovers spit
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 66
   Posted 4/16/2012 2:20 AM (GMT -6)   
Tara,

It is very difficult to see the light when you are trapped in the darkness of depression. I was majorly depressed for about a year I think before I even did anything about it. There were days when I thought nothing would get better. I would try to read a magazine and start crying for no reason.

Sometimes when I feel bad, I like to think about how others (just like those on this site) have been in the exact same place and gotten out of it alive.

It takes a lot of courage and strength to pull yourself up out of depression. I feel for you when you say you don't want to go to the hospital because I went there and it was hell but it also saved me. If I wouldn't have checked myself in, I don't know what would have happened. I felt dehumanized at that hospital. I have such horrible memories from it that I don't even like bringing up now but I know that it was for the best that I went there.

I think that medications work wonders. I am on 75mg of zoloft and 25 mg of lamictal daily. I was on the zoloft for about 2 years for anxiety and then all of a sudden I plunged into the depression. I was put on the lamictal at the hospital and boy did it help.

Long story less long, remember that others have gone through what you are going through and it is so difficult in the moment but try to stay positive. Try to focus on getting better. Honestly, I don't know if I would have gotten better without medication but I am sure some people have.

You can do it! I have faith in you and so does everyone else here!

My psychiatrist once told me never to say, "I'm depressed" always think of it as, "I'm 'tara' and I have depression". Don't label yourself as depressed. You are a strong person and you won't let depression take over your life.

Take care,

lovers

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 4/17/2012 6:07 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Tara,

I wasn't able to answer your post because I have been really sick. But I agree with the mood stabilizer. It does help. I take abilify and don't know what I would do without it. I was always an overthinker and it calms my mind. I hope you can try one and that it works for you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

No Worries!
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 225
   Posted 4/17/2012 2:46 PM (GMT -6)   
As depressed as I am now I would not want to be hospitalized. The shame alone would be too much for me to live with. From what I know they just dope you up and make you sit in a group of strangers where you are encouraged to share your life before they would consider giving your freedom back.

I'd rather stay where I am at home alone. I'm sure I'm wrong, lately I can't do or say the right things. I'm becoming used to feeling numb. It's probably best.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 4/17/2012 3:05 PM (GMT -6)   
When my mother was in and out of mental hospitals it was just that. She would be stoned and on vacation there. But one time there was a different doc, and he actually helped the situation. I feel the same in ways because of what I have seen there. Don't look down on yourself. Don't say that you can't do or say the right things. I know how you feel. You aren't wrong. But there is a chance that you would get help. So if it becomes unbarable, keep that in mind.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

No Worries!
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 225
   Posted 4/17/2012 4:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Karen,

I understand what you are saying, but I was raised to be tough, if just in appearances. It's not that I look down on those who either volunteer or are forced to stay in the hospitals...I just can't bare the shame. It's rediculuos to feel this way when I know for a fact that depression is a disease. Then again, my life was fine before my work "accident". If I were forced to stay in a hospital my depression would triple in a very short time frame. I don't want to be stoned or on some perpetual high. I'm much more comfortable feeling numb, which is how I feel now. I couldn't cry if I wanted to...just void of emotions. I've lived a long life already, to me everything from here on is just gravy. I'm just waiting out my time until the great warden in the sky says I'm free from my earthly bonds! That's it really...I'm sorting out things as I write them, please forgive me. I think that sums up how I see things now. I'm a prisoner doing my time on earth before I can be released...

Charles
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