I have gone through and still go through from time to time the exact same thoughts that you do. My friends all are very outgoing, wonderful people who are all in serious relationships. Often times when I have been in deep despairs of depression I have wondered why they have stood by my side --- well because that is what true friends do. Anyway,they are getting closer to making that step to marriage. And then there is me who is much farther behind on the relationship scene. I spent a lot of time wondering why can't I be where everyone else is and sooner or later I am going to be left on my own (have some abandonment issues) and then where will I be.
Well there is something different between my friends and I. They don't have this darn condition depression that makes life a challenge for me. We know we aren't lazy. We know that we are intelligent. We know that we are kind people but we have to be willing to accept the realities of our condition when it hits. I hope that I will one day be able to accept my reality fully for now there are days I do okay and days that I am plain pissed off about it.
I am 32 Gretchen and am just starting to work on connections and having quality relationships with people- you don't think I feel that I am starting in the elementary phase when I should be in the college phase of relationships --- I guess its time to throw the shoulds out and not worry what others think. How else will we move forward.
Its one step at a time. Are you taking any meds or talking to a counselor? I am doing both and they have been very effective for me. Still have a lot of work to do but have made some progress. Good Luck and hang in there.