Encouragment Needed

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Gator Girl
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 4/16/2012 1:45 PM (GMT -6)   
It's been a long, hard road the past few months.  I've been on two drugs, Effexor and Lexapro, for most of my adult life for anxiety and depression.  The first time I switched meds (over to Lexapro 20 mg) was postpartum.  I was doing well.  I had occassional bouts (usually brought on by self-doubt/negative thinking), but coped.  Beginning September of 2011, however, I would get a bout every month only for a few days, sometimes I would worry about things, and sometimes it just seemed to happen on its own (wondered if it could be related to my cycle).  In January, it all came to a head.  I just couldn't fight it off.  I went to my gen practioner for help.  He decided to switch me from lexapro over to 60mg cymbalta with no titrating.  I also started taking trazadone to help with sleep.  It was hell.  I was so out of it, and I still felt anxious and depressed.  I tried it out for several weeks, and went to a psychiatrist.  We gave it a few more weeks.  After seven weeks, we decided to switch back to lexapro, but to work up to a higher dose.  I am now on 30mg Lexapro, and 30 mg cymbalta (every other day).  I take them at night.  I take 125 mg of trazadone.  My sleep has gotten worse.  It was never great on the trazadone.  I'd wake during the night, and sometimes early for the day.  I tend to really stress too much about sleep and find that my mind can go at bedtime.  I feel out of it (not as bad) and still feel anxiety and depression.  My mood/hopefulness fluctuates but I never feel like myself.  I'm just really struggling.  I know I'm still transitioning, and need to be hopeful and patient (but it's hard to fight off the negative what-ifs.)  I guess I just want reassurance from people out there that I will find the right medication/dosage that will work for me without feeling dopey.  I want to really start living and enjoying life again instead of just surviving. I haven't felt like my normal self in months.  Everything's been affected, sleep, appetite, interest in activities, various physical symptoms, and I'm not sure what's due to the meds, weaning off cymbalta, or the disease.  I have a wonderful family, two beautiful children, and used to lead an active life.  Now, I find myself not wanting to plan ahead because I just don't know how I'll feel on any given day.  It's exhausting to have to pretend all the time that things are okay.  Everyone else around me seems so happy, and I feel like more of a misfit.  While I know I'm not to blame for this, I can't help but think if I was just more positive aned stopped worrying about everything and obsessing about how bad I feel, then this would have been over a while ago.  Ahhhh! What a mouthful!!!!  I just would love some encouragement.  Thank you!!!!

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 4/16/2012 1:59 PM (GMT -6)   
What is your medical diagnosis, Gator Girl? It's difficult to tell from the array of medications whether you are major depressive disorder victim or bipolar II or something else.

Have you written to us about this earlier? I need some information to be able to offer some suggestions, but I can tell you this:

1. With PROPER medication, you should have the brain chemistry stabilized.

2. That will give you an opportunity to have your feeling tone improve enough that you are willing to make some changes in your lifestyle that will lead you to feel that you are being more effective.

3. Keep talking to your psychiatrist and talking and talking. The right medications are in his schedule of meds for whatever the illness is, and it may be that you need to be on something such as Lamictal (one of the newer medications which acts as a mood stabilizer, particularly for the depressive phase of bipolar illness.) Ask him questions. Keep learning. Be "pro-active", as Tortoise says.

4. Change your diet where you need to. Stop any alcohol use; please stop any use of caffeine, whether in coffee, tea, chocolate or anything else containing it. Many people attempt to medicate themselves with the use of alcohol or caffeine, but the end results are worse than not using either at all.

5. Take one day at a time. Do one thing during one day if that's all you feel like doing.

6. Keep a journal of your moods. Take it with you when you see your psychiatrist.

Honestly, if we knew more about what the diagnosis is, we might be able to give you better information. The truth is, however, that you can be stabilized and live a reasonably healthy and content life. You just need the right medications and the right dosage.

If you've been on the current ones for 4 to 6 weeks, you should begin to feel the positive effects of them by this time. If not within 8 weeks, tell your doctor that you think these are not the ones for you. If he's really a good psychiatrist, he will listen to you.
 
I'm going to open an avenue for you now that you may have been hesitant to talk about.  How are things with your in-laws?  Do you
have to pretend to like them or do you have a clean, honest relationship with most, if not all, of them?  Something in your life
may be triggering these bouts of depression.  Often, it's found right in the home or in-law relationships.  Take heart!  It can be resolved, whatever it is.

Take care, and I hope some others will be along to assist you.

Good wishes,

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 4/16/2012 10:17:41 PM (GMT-6)


No Worries!
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 225
   Posted 4/16/2012 9:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Gator,

I want to say you are not alone. I am going through a lot of life changes that are unpleasant and unexpected. I see you have a wonderful family and hope your husband is supportive?

I just started to see a Psychologist, so I have not seen any benefits from it. I'm feeling slightly detached from myself as I go through my daily routine void of feelings. I'm smart enough to recognize I need professional help. It has taken me 3 months, but I finally have an appt. with a Psychiatrist. I'm trying to remain calm as my world continues to implode on me.

I seriously injured my back and neck at work, because of the reckless actions of a co-worker. As a result I lost not only my job, but my career and our new single family home. No, nothing happened to the reckless co-worker. My employer fired me, because I could no longer do my job. Then they decided to fight my Worker's comp. case. I won the case and they are now appealing it. Meanwhile I stay at home in chronic pain while my wife works a ton of overtime to help cover both our expenses.

I applied for SSD and was denied, so I had to hire a 2nd attorney to fight that too. Since my work injury I have been in and out of the ER and hospital with 5 surgeries. As if this wasn't enough I just found out that my 2-level cervical fusion failed to fully fuse. Now I'm looking at corrective surgery as well as a pending 4-level lumbar fusion once I win my Worker's comp. appeal. I have insomnia, sleep apne, Fibromyalgia, chronic pain and major depression (go figure). I'm sure I've forgotten a few diseases and/or issues. Oh yeah, I'm dead broke and terribly guilty that my wife has to suffer along side me.

Gator, I'm no Shrink, but I'm sure whatever has happened to you is a legitimate validation of your current mental status. By the way, my feelings have been professionally validated. ; The only thing that's keeping me rooted is my wife. We are trying to achieve what you have accomplished...having children. Despite our financial circumstances, we are trying to have a baby via IVF. Life is tough enough without having any major issues. My wife and I have been beaten up lately, but we see hope in the end.

I know I'll win my workers comp case and SSD. Ive made sure that my wife and future child are well taken cared of should anything happen to me. However, I keep my eyes forward looking at the prize. I refuse to look down and although I've been busted apart, I refuse to give up. I often question what parts of me will survive, but never that I won't survive. You have to embrace the same can-do attitude! I pray you have not suffered anywhere near what I have.

I hope you can now see your glass as half full. Remember, your feelings matter and are validated, but you have to fight through whatever is weighing on your mind. Your family needs their mother, wife and friend. I'm praying and cheering for you Gator. GO GATOR!

Annnnnnd DONE!

Cheers!

Charles

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 4/17/2012 12:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Hang in there. You will find the right medication at the right dose that is best for you. It just takes time.

Maybe think of it as going shopping for that perfect pair of jeans or perfect dress. You know they are out there it is just a matter of walking into the right store and finding that perfect size, style, cut, etc. It can take a while but once you find it look out world!!! Momma has her "A" game on tonight.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.
Moderator Depression Forum.

Gator Girl
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 4/17/2012 2:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Wow, Charles! My heart goes out to you, and I am so impressed with your positive attitude. You're truly an inspiration!

I can't say that I have had any trauma from which the anxiety/depression stems. I certainly have a genetic predisposition for the disease, and I have always been hard on myself (even as a kid) and worried way too much. However, every doubt I ever had about myself, I have made it through. So, I just need to tell myself that this time is no different. I think stress had just been building in me, and it all came to a head. Prior to all of this, I had been the most content in my life.

I just have to get these meds right. It's hard to know right now what's causing what. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for you encouragement!!!

No Worries!
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 225
   Posted 4/17/2012 3:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Jim,

Nice metaphor...do you have one for men? I hate shoppng.

Charles
Say what you mean and do what you say...

May you live as long as you want,
And never want as long as you live!
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