Hello, Sad and Angry, and welcome to the Depression Forum.
I have a lot of compassion for you because you are going through, in my view, what is called a traumatic stress syndrome from anxiety related to your mother's past treatment of you. And there is some
guilt in feeling angry about her behavior since she is dead, but those feelings will pass as time goes by and you complete the grieving process which may be short or long. There are no estimates regarding how long one must grieve before finding contentment again.
Anyone who has been exposed to a narcissistic personality disorder for any length of time needs to undergo psychotherapy. Taking Ciprolax may not be the right medication for you at this intense time, but you can always ask your doctor to change it to another if you feel that it is not working. A tranquillizer might help.
Because you also need psychotherapy, in my view, (I need to say that, because we aren't doctors and can't diagnose; we can tell you only what has worked for us or for others in a similar situation) and cannot afford it, you should contact the Social Services Department of the local government in the city in which you live. They may have counseling services or may recommend someone who does counseling on a gratis basis, or at least on a sliding scale designed to fit into your income bracket. Sometimes, you will find churches
that offer counseling service to people who cannot afford psychiatric help and need it.
Exposure to the narcissistic personality may make it difficult for an individual to relate to others in a healthy way and that could lead to the sadness and anger that you have now. That's why therapy is so important. It is designed to teach you that not everyone is like your mother, and you have much to contribute to the world in terms of caring for others and for yourself, most especially.
Take care and investigate possibilities for getting therapy, please.
Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 4/17/2012 12:10:22 PM (GMT-6)