You are very welcome here. When I first came to this site, I was afraid of rejection with all the issues I was dealing with but if it weren't for the members on this board, I would be in a rubber room. They are so comforting and understanding. The entire site is like that.
These are my experiences with anti-depressants. Yes, I am on prozac, xanax, elevil. I was on Celexa but got off it. Wasn't helping. I have gained weight but after the advice of some of the girls on the Lupus site, whech we have Lupus, I was made to understand that if I didn't eat and eat the right foods, I wouldn't lose weight because there was no "fuel" to burn without any complex carbos. I was also given the advice for the right foods to eat and since last week, I lost 6 lbs and I am dancing, so to speak. That's just them. That's the way we all are.
On the subject of depression, no one knows why we have it and really what causes it, but we know that it is the real deal unfortunately. We have to depend on the Physicians and counselors to help us and find the right medications for us. Because you are so young, I can imagine that it is so hard for you. It took me a long time to accept that Lupus was making my life miserable and attacking the organs in my body preventing me from doing the things I used to love to do. That's where the depression got worse for me. Soon after, I was not able to work and my entire life changed because I allowed it to. I forgot about my family and what was consuming their lives. I was self-centered and selfish and was having a "pity party" every day. I had the poor me syndrome. Eventually, I pushed all my family away, including my husband and my grown daughters, now 32 and 34. I have 5 grandchildren and live 9 states apart from them all. My husband got a very good job offer and we decided that it was time to move on with our lives. It was for the best. I visit once a year for 3 weeks but it is still hard. I am missing my grandchildren grow up and my mom is 84 and we don't know how long she will be with us. I pray for her safety every day. I pray a lot.
"E", once I was able to forgive myself, I was able to forgive others for not having compassion or understanding concerning my depression and my illness. I looked to the Lord for answers and He pulled through for me. I read my bible daily and pray without ceasing. Sometimes I think He gets tired of me calling His name, but He doesn't. Thank God for Jesus. Anyway, please do not feel like you are alone. You are among good company. Just because we have depression, doesn't mean that we aren't normal people. We don't have "two heads" or foam at the mouth. We are people like all others. The only difference is that we FACE OUR DEPRESSION and others either ignore theirs or don't feel they have any at all. No one has the perfect life, believe me. You are not a strange girl or a weird girl. You are a normal 18 yr old with real problems. As for the self mutilazation, I will pray for that to leave you. As for the "S" word, (we don't like to talk about it much even though it is a part of depression) we would rather encourage you to the positive side of recovery. I know it is a fact of life, but the one thing you need to remember is this. No matter what is making you depressed or no matter who supports you or who doesn't, you are still a very important person. The thing you have to do is to love yourself first. Forgive yourself first. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are special and you are loved. You can move in a more positive light once you overcome the feeling of being a failure. You are not a failure. You are just lost and will find your way back in time. Forget the nursing homes. They will make you even more depressed. You can get the love and attention you need right here. Post more. Read more.
There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.