I have had debilitating flashbacks. It is affecting me at work badly. Thursday aftternoon I had a horrible flashback while at work While it was at the end of the day after the kids left, I could have still gotten in trouble if I was caught by anyone other than the two people that knew about
it. (I was huddled in a corner by my desk sitting on the floor with my hands covering my face) All I could see was the abuse I went through as a child playing over and over in my head. I could feel the pain all over again. I was partly coherent to my surroundings but unable to fully pull myself back to the present. I felt chastised & humilated by my coworkers finding me and having to deal with that type of situation.
I was told I was in my own little world and acted as if i was angry at everyone. I dont remember being angry. I did notice I was withdrawn though. It was hard to pul out of it. When I had 3 coworkers confront me as a group to figure out what was wrong all I could do was shut down... Not a single word could come out.
Today was alittle better but I felt like I was faking it all day. My anxiety was through the roof. I ruminated over what my coworkers woulld say today after Friday.. I used to rock in my chair when anxiety got so high but was told I shouldnt do that anymore so trying to stop what had become a habit to selfsoothe made my anxiety even worse... My hands constantly shook. I tried bouncing my leg in place of rocking since it is more of a socially accepted behavior. It helped some but leg became sore ffrom doing it alll morning. I finally broke down and cried at my desk where no one could see.
I dont know what I should do. I have two friends that offered to take me to the hospital if i wanted to but I think it would make things worse