How to move on ????

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

lovers spit
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 66
   Posted 4/25/2012 12:25 AM (GMT -6)   
I had depression about 3 years ago (Wow, can't believe it has been that long..). Did the whole hospital thing, not fun. But I got out alive. It was an interesting experience to say the least.

Anyways, I recently have completely ended all contact with my ex (besides me messaging him on facebook today. bad idea probably). Long story short, we were together for almost 2 years, on and off. He never told me he loved me but I could feel his love. I told him I loved him after 9 months and he got scared, broke up with me at 13 months. I went off the deep end (this wasn't when I was depressed, though) and started going out with friends more often, drinking, partying. Slept with a guy. Promised the ex nothing would happen. Broke promise. Regret everything I did.

Today I got a text message from a friend telling me she saw him at her campus (college) library. Studying. He does NOT go there. Or at least as of approximately 2 weeks ago, he did NOT go there. Her campus is an hour away from where he used to go.

I freaked out. The fact that he may in fact have transfered to this college made my stomach sink to the floor. It was almost like, "Im completely over you so I'm transfering to this other college an hour away from you where everyone binge drinks every night. Sorry". I know I sound like a hypocrite but I can't help but feel sick that he may in fact be gone.

I had deleted his number from my cell, AND deleted him from facebook. BUT when I got the text from my friend, I needed to know. I messaged him on fb asking if he transfered. Probably a bad idea... haven't heard back.

I guess it just hurts because I have problems with abandonment from being adopted. He had told me about 5 months ago that he applied to this college (just to see if he could get in), got in, and had a place to live but he stayed here for me.

I just feel as if I ruined everything. What we had was so special and its gone. And if he truly transfered to this college, I feel as if I will be wallowing in my self pity and the realization that he is over me.

How can I move on and not be depressed? I just can't stop crying over this.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42439
   Posted 4/25/2012 5:17 AM (GMT -6)   
LS,

You wonder if you will be able to move on. It may be hard, but I think you can do it. Maybe start with some interests of your own and persue that. Are you in college too? Could you start if you are not? The important thing is for you to keep living. Whether he is there or not. I know it hurts right now. But it sounds like he is moving on with his life. I am sorry. But he is entitled to that. But so are you...

This will get easier with time, but I know that doesn't help you from feeling sad right now. Is there anybody you could talk to in person about this? Someone who will help you to feel better? I sure hope so. Just know we are here for you....

Take care hon...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

greenbean885
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 4/25/2012 7:53 AM (GMT -6)   
If he did move colleges, I don't think his #1 intention was to hurt you. My ex is moving back to my home town... did it anger me? yes. Do I think she did it to make me mad? No. There is more opportunity there. In the back of her mind, does she know it will get to me? yes- we dated for two years. But girl, after awhile, you both start making decisions without each other. You aren't together anymore. Just like you don't have to consider him in your decision making, he doesn't either. It does hurt and I can understand how alone you must feel, but you aren't.

I remember when you first started posting you talked about things you enjoyed. I think it was writing? I could be wrong; if so, I apologize. But I do remember asking you before.

He may have made decisions to go to college with you solely based on you which is never good. Decisions should be made for ourselves. Sometimes, they have the benefit of being around those we love, sometimes it means we are farther away.

Cut yourself a break. You CAN move on and you CAN fight your depression, but it will take time. Understand that it is ok to show your emotion and feel sad. Try doing little things in the beginning. Take a 10 minute walk. Sit outside for 30 minutes and look at nature. Try a new book series. Try making dinner. I know it is easy to become overwhelmed by those things, but set aside some time and schedule it. If you are only able to sit outside 20 minutes, that's still progress!

you can do it. and you have support.

Courtney

lovers spit
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 66
   Posted 4/26/2012 11:21 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for the replies.

Karen, yes I am in college. He doesn't go to my college but we are close. My friend was mistaken when she thought she saw him on her campus. I asked him through fb. I talked to him the other day on fb just for a bit and it made me feel better that he didn't transfer. I don't know why but I was just glad he didn't.

The past two weeks have been awful for me.

First, the whole ex and I getting into a fight and now we don't speak (except for the other day.. I deleted his number so I can't text him or call him even if I wanted to).

SECOND, I went to the bars with my friends (I have a fake, I am 19). It was the first time I went out for 2 months because I was on antibiotics for a foot infection in the incision after surgery (I'm super lucky, eh?). This 25 year old guy kept hitting on me and I was drunk. He ended up making out with me..... I regret it sooo much but I keep telling myself, "at least you didnt go home with him. It could have been so much worse". I want so badly to just not do the whole HOOK UP thing. But I feel that everywhere I turn some guy is trying to use me.

THIRD, a guy in one of my classes lives across the hall in my dorm building. He is also in a class of mine. We had talked a few times here and there but not much. We had a paper due for our class the next day and we were both stressing about it and so I asked him if he wanted to try to figure out some ideas together. I am doing bad in this class so I needed some help anyways. So, he came over and we worked on the paper a bit and hung out. I thought nothing of it. I know he has a girlfriend and I did not get any vibes that he wanted anything but a studying partner/friend.

He started texting me and we would just talk about little stuff. He said nothing about hooking up or anything. I thought it was strictly a friendship. I even texted him saying, "your girlfriend doesnt mind you hanging out with other girls does she? Even if theyre just friends?" and he said she didnt. So I was like ok then. I went over to his dorm last night because he invited me over to watch tv. I think hes a funny nice guy and I was kind of happy because I was getting annoyed with my roommates and my other girlfriends. But then... it got SO awkward because he was hinting at things like, "oh so what do you want to do..." and he would smile strangely... I was so mad inside but I have trouble expressing my feelings and coming off rude. It was so awkward. I just kept thing in my mind, "why would he do that to his girlfriend????". I felt so naive and stupid.

After some awkward silences and random conversation.... I got the hell out of there! He texted me like 5 minutes later saying, "So I am really bad at talking about stuff like this in person but I was kind of thinking you wanted the same thing I did... Sorry if thats not what you were thinking" !!!!!!!!!

I told him I just wanted to be friends and I was sorry if I gave him the wrong vibe.

Gosh I just feel so stupid. I saw him and his girlfriend today walking into his suite (suite styled dorms). It made my stomach turn because I just feel disgusted and I feel bad for her.

ALSO- next week is finals week. IM SO STRESSED :(

lovers spit
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 66
   Posted 4/26/2012 11:25 PM (GMT -6)   
I just really wish I had my boyfriend back to comfort me. He was my best friend too

greenbean885
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 4/27/2012 5:22 AM (GMT -6)   
Lovers,

You handled the situation with the guy across the hall very well! You did what you knew was right, and that is SO much progress! It is understandable that you would feel sympathy for his girlfriend. You are hurting & I think you don't want her to hurt as well.

As far as going out... I'm assuming you must be 21 where you live? I am in Louisiana and 18 is legal, so I'm just taking a guess. Anyway, do you really have fun? I ask this because the penalties of getting caught out underage is usually pretty heavy, not only for you, but for the bar, the person on the ID, and the people you are with. Alcohol is a comfort for you.

"Going out" is very social, but there are other ways to be social. Try going to dinner, getting some coffee/tea, or even just some dessert. That way, you are still in public, you can meet up with friends & you aren't drinking.

I just KNOW you will handle your finals well. I can see the progress you have made, so just continue to take baby steps & know we are here for you.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42439
   Posted 4/27/2012 5:43 AM (GMT -6)   
I am sure you will do well on final exams. Keep studying hard... I too think you handled yourself very well in an awkward situation. I don't know what I would have done. It is too bad that he cheats on her though. That would make me sick too. We want to think people are true to eachother.

Keep posting. We will help you though this. Even if it is just a few simple words.

Do watch the drinking. Alcohol is a depressant and can make you feel worse. And be careful. Courtney is right about the whole id thing. The bar could get in a lot of trouble and so could you. Though I know it is fun to hang out with friends. I don't know if it is worth it to making you more depressed. The alcohol that is...

I am glad that you posted. Sounds like you got things under control pretty much. That is good. Keep posting and letting us know how you are doing....

Hugs, Karen

PS Hi Courtney!!!
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

lovers spit
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 66
   Posted 4/28/2012 1:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Courtney and Karen,

I think I handled it well too. It is so hard for me when a guy is nice to me, even in this case when I just thought he wanted to be friends and study history together. I feel good about myself because (I thought) he enjoyed my company. He still has been texting me and I feel guilty even doing this. Like I said, I am not good at telling people to "buzz off". I am way too nice and I never want to hurt anyone.

Last night we were both drunk and he was texting me things like, "would you drink with me if I was back at the dorm?" and I said "I don't think so.." and then he said something like, "Tell me what would happen if we drank together" and I just stopped texting him. I feel so uncomfortable and he is such a "charmer". And I am so naive and unable to say, "Leave me alone".

Honestly, I think he is a funny guy and I would like to be just friends with him, which I told him, but I don't think he is getting the hint. I do not want to put myself in a situation where I am alone with him or him and his friends, and drinking.

Yes, the drinking age is 21 here. My fake has worked everytime I used it and we look pretty similar. I know it is probably bad that I use it but a lot of my friends have fakes and I figure I will only use it for a little more than 1 year. Sometimes I do worry about getting caught but like I said, I have never been caught and it is fun for me to be with my friends. I do not go out NEARLY as much as I did in high school and I am glad for that. It is just a "once in a while thing".

I do hang out with my friends in other ways. And I enjoy this too. My friends and I go shopping a lot (even though I am a broke college student). I am trying to cut back on spending but it is hard because I pay for everything myself for the most part. (At least not medical bills, YIKES).

Also, I love coffee! My friends and I sometimes go to the coffee shop at my college and I enjoy doing this too.

I think I will handle my finals well too but it is just stressing me out a lot right now. I think about how much I have to do and my mind feels like it is running a marathon!!

I really do miss my ex a lot. It feels like he died or something. We do not speak and I find myself tearing up lately when I think about him but I try to think of something else... I watched "Eat, Pray, Love" the other day and the girl in the movie has some significant other she misses. A friend of her gives her some advice and I really like it, he said, "So miss him. Send him some love and miss him. Then drop it." So whenever I miss him, I let myself for a little just think of him and "send him love" so to say. And then I drop it. It helps a lot.

Thanks for listening to my rambling. It actually does really help to let it all out and have people truly read it and understand. So thank you.

Lovers

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42439
   Posted 4/28/2012 2:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Sounds like you are doing better despite of things. I am happy for that. Your attitude is good and you sound content. Keep up the good work.

I agree with you, don't drink with that guy. You are safer that way. No regrets...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

lovers spit
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 66
   Posted 5/2/2012 7:47 PM (GMT -6)   
So I have awful news. I just don't understand why I let things like this happen to me. My roommate and I threw a party and I was very drunk. The guy that lives next door who has the girlfriend asked me to come over and I did.

We didn't have sex but I feel so awful. I just want someone to smack me in the face. He texted me today telling me he wants to have sex with me and I said no. I told him the last time I did that I regretted it. I then said something about how the wonderful hickey he left me on my neck isn't noticeable because he asked me to let him know if it was when I left his place that night. Then I get a text from him saying, "not to be mean but can we not talk about stuff like this thru text anymore? My gf was reading my texts and I got it just in time before she saw anything. Shes crazy and I don't want to get stabbed" My stomach did a flip and I just felt disgusting. His poor girlfriend.

Am I an awful person? Because right now I just feel so bad.

Also, my ex texted me telling me he misses me the day after. If I told him this happened, he would hate me more than he already does for the other things. I feel like a *****. And on top of it, I am so anxious for finals. I feel like I am going to throw up.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42439
   Posted 5/3/2012 5:13 AM (GMT -6)   
I would distance myself from this guy and focus on your finals. Don't answer anymore of his texts and don't go over there anymore. Limit the drinking as you seem to do things you wouldn't normally do sober. Just keep working on you. Don't feel guilty over something that didn't end up happening. But steer clear of this guy for awhile. He is going to get you in the middle of things and you might be the one to get stabbed.

Keep trying. Don't let this get to you. Keep studying. Take that seriously. This is your future.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Sunday, June 24, 2018 1:29 AM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 2,974,661 posts in 326,195 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 161294 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, TRNS.
284 Guest(s), 2 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Kippette, JayPoppa