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New Member

Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 4/29/2012 3:14 AM (GMT -6)   
I feel I need to share this post, I suppose im looking for support in a way and very troubled. I believe everyone to some degree suffer from depression but some more than others I believe im one of the ones who doesn't suffer but I do have my good and bad days and can be effected by people around me but in general I see the brighter side of life. However my wife of 20 years is someone who suffers big time and I feel im at an end of coping with this. She has never been diagnosed and rarely if ever dicusses it, we both are also very anti pharmaceuticals so taking perscription drugs is a definite no.

We live in an isolated part of the world and dont have very many friends my wife particularly whom I reckon is well liked has a social phobia and doesn't really encourage people. I see many locals contacting her trying to meet up and its one thing or the other why she cant or doesnt continue so eventually they give up a fade into the back ground. She also gives me a difficult time building relationships with people, if I start to develop a female relationship I accused of being unfaithful and with a male relationship im accused of being gay. Most of the time I ignore this but it does create uncomfortable situations.

She is like a crab when she is suffering and crawls into her shell closing all mental and physical doors without letting anyone touch her. During this time I might aswell be sharing a house with a stranger and can feel her darkness almost overpowering me. I am not critical of her and try to encourage and support her as much as possible and reguraly tell her I love her and give her a hug. Yet yesterday after her being down for the last 8 weeks we decided to have a chat and she started to explain how she was feeling. Im a little deaf and she has a habit of tutting at me now because I dont always catch first time what she is saying. She became very critical of our life from and started listing all the bad decisions she has made from getting married to having children to choosing to move to the country to giving up work and this just went on and on and eventually I just had enough and lost it.

So we ended up having a big row and I telling here just how negative she is all the time and im totallly fed up with it, so she went to bed which is where she spends a great deal of time escaping the world and now this morning she want us to seperate. I know in my heart we both love each other and she doesnt meant it but we is now looking for a way to split us which is difficult considering we have 3 young children. I know I said many thing about how fed up I was with her constant complaining but now she is accusing me of being unsupportave because I know what she is suffering from. Many thing were said yesterday and I know I was wrong but there is 2 of us in this and I feel im at the end of my teather dealing with her.

I find living with her in this mood very difficult but I also know what she is like when it lifts and that is this beautiful wonderful person whom I love very much.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42614
   Posted 4/29/2012 6:55 AM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to the forum...

Is there anyway that your wife could get some counseling? I think it would really help her. She seems very isolated right now and must need somebody to talk to. I would incourage her to go if there are counselors in your area.

It really sounds like she is in a very uncomfortable situation. Do you think moving would help her? Somewhere where she could make friends of her own? I feel bad for her. This situation doean't sound really hopeful for her with lack of proper diagnosis and help. Please see if she can go to a counselor. I think it would really help her. This doesn't sound really fair to her with living conditions the way that they are. But I could be reading things wrong. I hope she feels better soon. Hang in there for you. Keep trying.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

It's Genetic
Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 4/29/2012 10:33 AM (GMT -6)   
You're going to have to give up the idea of "no medications". Depression is a serious illness and it is often a chemical imbalance in the brain. Newer medications today are designed to bring the brain chemistry back in line, so she definitely would benefit strongly by taking an appropriate one prescribed by a psychiatrist.

If you are serious about wanting your loving wife back, you need to get her in to talk to a psychiatrist as quickly as you can. The illness isn't going to get better without medical care.

Otherwise, your choices are to continue to put up with the symptoms of the illness or to separate as she is suggesting. If you really love her you will insist that she get the help medically that she needs to recover. Both of you will feel like you are beginning life over again once she is restored to
a proper level of chemical balance.

It's Genetic

New Member

Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 5/4/2012 3:19 AM (GMT -6)   
Things have improved between us almost as it the row we had cleared the air or released the tension a little, I don't believe its permanent just back to a little normality . My wife feels she is overly effected by food and claims she goes down after eating certain items. I have looked into this and have found a research proofing a link about food and depression in the past we have tried to limit certain foods like dairy and wheat but this is very difficult. She believes she just keeps sabotaging herself with this approch and is going to seek help to address the sabotage but this may be the door to addressing the depression aswell.

I see the genetic link with this because many in her family also suffer but absolutley no way will she take any type of medication so our actions to deal with it is counseling which now is a possibility. We are also looking into a Raw food diet and getting pleanty of sunshine even if it means moving to a different country.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 5/4/2012 9:50 AM (GMT -6)   
Seeing a medical doctor and being checked for things like food allergies/intolerance, diabetes and hormone levels is advisable along with counseling. It is certainly a place to start.

There are also various herbs and other natural supplements that may help. I am not familiar enough with these to suggest anything in particular but I am sure some research online on your part will result in plenty of information.

There are many things that can be behind chronic depression, and it can be difficult to determine the exact reason or reasons. Situational depression is one that is very common where someone becomes depressed because of something to do with their life. Sometimes this can also mean environmental factors such as is common in Seasonal Affected Disorder (SAD) but can also tie in with the chemical imbalance issues.

Chemical imbalance, be it brain chemistry and/or body chemistry, is another very common reason. Sometimes these can be corrected with diet or other "natural" therapies. Sometimes though medications are truly needed.

I fully understand you and your wife's feelings about pharmaceutical treatments and think that by all means you should explore all other options first but at the same time I urge you to develop an open mind in regards to medications since the possibility is there that it could come down to it being your wife's only only option for a truly successful treatment of her depression.

If that option does eventually come to pass she will need your full support and encouragement to have any chance of accepting it. There really is no reason I can see at this point to discuss this with her. The only thing on this front I suggest doing is preparing yourself for that possibility.
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Moderator Depression Forum.
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