Help - Major Mood Swings - difficult to interpret....

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JonW
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 4/29/2012 5:09 PM (GMT -6)   
A while back I posted about my girlfriend with major depression / eating disorders....I thank you all who commented and helped - just wanted to be informed on what to expect during that time....seems as though she is slowly becoming more stable, but am very confused about a few things - hope someone can answer / help.....

As mentioned, she suffers from a great deal of depression and eating disorder - have been w her for a year (currently on a break, allowing her to become more stable)...there was a giant moment that had occurred that (I assume) was the cause of her breakdown - out of nowhere she said she was dealing with this disorder and said that our break would be temporary - until she got better / stable. For the past month and a half, I respected the time a part (we are also long-distance) as she and I would still connect every other day for a brief time. Now, I have read a few comments on this forum about how someone was going through the same situation, but was experiencing harsh mood swings from his loved one...as soon as I read that - seemed as though I then entered that stage within my situation.

It all started 3 weeks ago:

Friday - I was in town, she said she could not see me because it would be too much and said she wasn't ready to see me just yet - but we messaged over the phone / seemed to be stable and fine. Giving her the space, but being there when she wanted to be there.

Sunday - She sends 2 page letter saying she hit a great lowe and how she is not stable - saying this will take time and cannot be rushed, but wanted me to know she is doing this to get better. Asked that I do not reply to that, just wanted to express to the 1% out there that really knows what she is going through (she hides from everyone else)....

At this time, I thought that was it - thought I needed to completely give her space and stop all connection. Felt very sad and helpless for her, confused as well - seeing that she can hide this from friends and co-workers and go on with it as nothing affects her - but for some reason, I have to be excluded....

Two days later - she messages me and says she had a few rotten days and really misses me (first sign of any compassion in months)

Next day - she asks to see me for the first time...from then on, with minor bumps, it seemed as though everything was like normal - talking to her for hours on end every night :)

Then about a week later (this weekend), she now seems to be playing these games. Will tell me she's partying every night, expressing she is running into old friends and making sure I know that she told them we are not together anymore, etc.....she is basically doing what she did a month ago - which was egging me on, trying to get a reaction from me, speaking like someone I never met and how she was almost trying to hurt me....she know's I can't stand it when she doesn't tell me what she is doing / hanging out with...and she even said, bet you hate that I don't tell you, right? Lastly, she told me that it was largely my fault that she was depressed, how I hurt her - Now, if she said this a few weeks ago - I would have been devastated, but truth is, it is almost like she is playing mind-games....saying she'll have to see if she can forgive me....this is a few days after we spoke like we did when first in love!

I have a feeling she is playing these games because she if she really doesn't like someone, she will cut them out completely - difference here is that she continues to go from high to really low but always initiates the conversations / interactions...I know of people who got dumped, then tried to make their ex envious, but never heard of the one who (temporarily broke it off) to then go and try to throw salt in the cut...

Guess what I am trying to get at is - is this part of her disorder (she told me she was diagnosed with BPD when she was younger as well, but said they got it wrong).

I love her so much, and know that if I need to be that rock, where she can lash out at and blame, I'll be that rock, but I need to know if this is something that will be temporary or will always last like this..

Why does she want to see me and speak in such compassion one day then the next blame me for everything and try to make me feel envious that she is doing things without me involved at all?



Lastly - one kind woman told me that she had depression and stated the reason she was so tough on her boyfriend during her situation was to test him and confirm that he was someone who would always stand by her side in tough moments.....could that be what my girl is doing?

Thank you all

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1208
   Posted 4/29/2012 5:47 PM (GMT -6)   
I honestly think that you need to move on, she can't use her depression as an excuse and neither can you. She is leading you on a string and will continue to do so. She is making sure she has a backup in case nothing else comes thru. I'm sorry but you need to find someone who loves you and treats you right.
"No one really dies because they have loved. Because they love they stay in the hearts of the people they have touched so in that their memory lives on." Ghost whisperer-i know corny but this touched me deep down and i see so much truth in it.
Metformin 250 mg at lunch
ADD-diagnosed 2010
Diabetes- diagnosed 3-29-2012. only using low fat and low carb diet for now.

JonW
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 4/29/2012 6:13 PM (GMT -6)   
See - this is so not like me at all, however, I feel as though this is not her, how the virus took 99% of her over and every now and then, that 1% get's out and showcases the person I know and knew! But then just like that, she transforms, almost like she is possessed.

She asked me last week if I promised I would never leave her, no matter how bad she would get, and how I would wait for her to become better....it can sometimes be scary in a way - almost like speaking with two different people at once....expressing in one manner how she understands where she is and know's that she can overcome it, but will take time and expresses her compassion, while the very next minute she could let the disorder take control and manipulate me and the whole relationship. It is a true shame that this has happened to such an innocent and truly loving person, who seems to be getting crushed by this disorder everyday. Pray to God she can fight this and comeback

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42430
   Posted 4/29/2012 6:33 PM (GMT -6)   
It sounds like she wants to see how much she can get away with. It is not fair of her to ask you to stay no matter what. That means she can do anything she wants and you aren't going to say anything. I think it is mind games. I think you should think about moving on too. If it is meant to be, you will know in time. But don't keep letting her walk all over you. That isn't good. You have to be strong in order to have a clear relationship. You have to know what she really means when she tells you things. I don't trust this, it just sounds too manipulative on her part. I could be wrong though and I kind of hope that I am.

I hope that you get the answers that you want. Is she trying to seek any help through therapy? I would suggest it if she isn't.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

JonW
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 4/29/2012 7:01 PM (GMT -6)   
I believe she is trying, but she doesn't share that with me. It is clear she is manipulating, as that is what I have heard they do in situations like these....however, I will give this some time and play this out. Time will only tell. It is never the less an extremely difficult situation to be in and now I am questioning...I've only known her for a year - is this the actual version of her and the past year was just an off (but good year?) or is it the other way around (in which I hope it is). I keep saying that this girl is not the girl I knew, but then again, maybe I just never fully knew her in the first place....

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1208
   Posted 4/29/2012 8:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Love is about being together sick or healthy. If she is that sick she should want you by her side. Love does not manipulate either. I'm sorry but I can't see you being happy like this
"No one really dies because they have loved. Because they love they stay in the hearts of the people they have touched so in that their memory lives on." Ghost whisperer-i know corny but this touched me deep down and i see so much truth in it.
Metformin 250 mg at lunch
ADD-diagnosed 2010
Diabetes- diagnosed 3-29-2012. only using low fat and low carb diet for now.
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