Things are not going good for me.
I am a wreck emotionally and I feel like I am about
to lose it. I don't feel grounded at all and I am beginning to feel like nothing will get better for me.
I just had finals in college. Done with my second year of college. I don't think I did very well. I have never gotten under a 3.0 in all of my life, not in high school or yet in college. However, there is a good chance I did not get a 3.0 this past semester. I have just not been myself. I had surgery done on my foot and then as it was healing it got infected. I was going to classes on vicodin or percocet... pretty much in a daze.
I am majoring in psychology and I have been hearing so many horror stories about
people who can't get jobs. I don't know what I even want to do with my major. I am beginning to feel like it isn't a good pick. I am just really afraid of never having a career and being on my own. I just want to get away from my sister.
I was adopted when I was 6 by a not very stable family. My adoptive father has severe brain damage, my mother has severe diabetes and her cancer just came back. When I was 13 I moved in with my sister.
My sister is controlling and not nurturing. I do not like her at all. I appreciate all she has done for me but other than that I literally cannot get my mind past how she treated me while I was in high school living with her. She emotionally and verbally abused me.
I feel as if my childhood was a dream and none of it happened. Sometimes I just wish I didn't exist because it is so hard living like this. I do not understand why such awful things have happened to me. I know there are people out there that have had worse experiences but I can't even explain how I feel. I feel like I am just floating around. I don't feel connected to my adoptive family except for my adoptive mother. I love her so much but even sometimes I look at her and I don't know who she is. I know that sounds ridiculous but it is how I feel.
I think that when I went to the hospital for major depressive disorder and they told me that I haven't identified with my adoptive family it kind of stuck with me. Whether it is true or not it just sticks in my mind and I find ways to believe it.
Sorry for rambling. I just really need suggestions on how to not listen to negative comments my sister says, how to cope with my moms cancer coming back, how to become more independent, how to stay grounded and not think about
my past and maybe suggestions on how to get a job after college with only a bachelors degree in psychology.. I am really struggling with all these thoughts......
Thanks and I hope you are all doing well.
Post Edited (lovers spit) : 5/12/2012 8:52:13 PM (GMT-6)