Marriage/baby blues

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Wantsababy22
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Date Joined May 2012
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/14/2012 8:47 AM (GMT -6)   
We have been married for four years, dating for eight... My husband is 31 and spends most of his time playing video games and drinking after work... EVERY DAY! It just seems like we have nothing in common anymore... I want a baby but feel like we are not ready financially and plus I don't think he is ready...:(


I asked him three weeks ago to do something special for me on mothers day, even though I am not a mom, but just something that makes me feel special!!! I got nothing and we even fought all day! Our --- is good but not like love making, it's more just quick and over.

I feel like I want more outta life, but am stuck here... Don't get me wrong I love my husband but I just wish I could go back and maybe see what else my life could have been if I was with two of my old guy friends. Does that make me a bad wife if I wish to take a different path in life than the one I am on???

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 5/14/2012 9:15 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

Welcome to the depressioin forum. It doesn't necessarily make you a bad wife if you want something different out of life. But I would give your husband a chance. Maybe some couple's counseling. I would give him a chance before you give up your marriage. Try counseling. Even if it was just for yourself.

Keep posting. There will be others commenting to you also.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 5/14/2012 9:17 AM (GMT -6)   
I wanted to add that sometimes it takes time and communication to find your nich with your partner. I just don't want you to give up too soon.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 5/14/2012 4:05 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi MiriRose,

Thanks for sharing that information and welcome to the forum.

I hope that you keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

medved
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 1100
   Posted 5/14/2012 6:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Wantababy -- sorry for the trouble you are having. Relationships are not easy. Some relationship counselling might be a good idea. You can seek ideas about how to make your marriage more fulfilling and rewarding (for both of you). I think you are being very prudent by trying to address your marriage issues before having a baby. Having kids is great (I have two) but it also adds stress to a marriage. You want to have the best possible foundation first, so you can weather that stress. Someone above mentioned Focus on the Family. If you are thinking of calling them, you should understand that they have a very particular perspective and agenda. That is fine, of course, if you share their perspective. But do some research about the organization before you call. There are many other organizations that provide marriage counseling, including individual therapists. This is one option for locating a therapist who focuses on marriage/family issues: http://www.aamft.org/iMIS15/AAMFT/

Best wishes, Medved

Wantsababy22
New Member


Date Joined May 2012
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/14/2012 8:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for all the advice... I am just scared of talkin to a total stranger alone, in a councling session... I also need to know how to talk to my husband about me feeling like he is not ready for a little one! He is great with our nieces and nephew, but his drinking and laziness and spending money worries me... He spends close to $200 a month at the liquor stores and has to have everything name brand!!! I don't get my nails/hair done often at all...
When ever we try to talk about his drinking or money issues it always ends in an argument and I leave the house for awhile... I know I shouldnt leave and we should talk it out but it hurts me to see him drink his problems away! Is there any suggestions in how I can start a conversation with him about his drinkin problems?

And also if I have a beer once in awhile with him is that encouraging him to think its ok?

medved
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 1100
   Posted 5/14/2012 10:37 PM (GMT -6)   
I don't see a problem with sharing a beer together, occasionally. But you really should consider some marriage/couples counseling. It can teach both of you how to communicate with each other in a constructive way, even about difficult topics or areas of disagreement. It might save your marriage. And you have nothing to lose by trying it. Best wishes, Medved

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 5/15/2012 7:13 AM (GMT -6)   
What is so hard about talking to a counselor? You are talking to us and it is working fine? I really think it is important that you two talk to a counselor together.

I wouldn't say anything to him about drinking when he is drinking because that will cause an argument. I would talk to him about it when he is sober and not drinking. But I really think counseling is the best way to go.

You can compare tit for tat. You doing your nails or hair and him spending money on beer and liquor. But I don't think that would be the right way to go about it. Your concern is him drinking, not how much money he spends, right? I sure hope you get this sorted out and that things get better. Let us know how things are going.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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