I know its been awhile. I was actually doing quite well for some time. I actually have posted this on several alcohol related boards.
First, the good news, I didn't do anything wrong. The bad news, I feel as if I am being punished, unjustly, and its really working on my depression.
I told my therapist the whole story, and she said, "X, you should be proud of yourself, you did everything absolutely right in this situation."
So the situation...
Several weeks ago I was at a business conference. A good friend of mine (and colleague - different office) got HAMMERED! I mean she was completely sloppy. Anyway, we've known each other for several years and always had. I don't know, good vibes about each other, she was a colleague I thought highly of and vice versa. Over the last several months, we actually got very close.
Both of our ex-spouses left each other, at around the same time to. This eventually led to us getting closer for obvious reasons. We could both empathize and relate to each other, literally.
So, back to the conference, she is wasted at some bar we're all at. She ends up talking about one my meetings to a colleague of mine, who does exactly what I do (she does something different), and it just happens to be the one guy my boss and I wanted to keep this information away from. The business politics are not worth getting into, it was just a tight spot for all of us. Now, she didn't know this and depsite what she thinks, she really does understand our side of the business...at all...and she for a very intelligent woman has no tact or street smarts.
So, she says to my colleague, "Yeah, J is meeting with Y also." And she calls me over and I'm on the spot! This other colleague of mine is looking at me, she's talking out of line, I'm not sure what to do so I play stupid like I can't hear her. Oh, my other colleague picks up right away and says to me, "X, let me go get you a beer," I say, "thanks." So, I'm about to give her the background, my boss emailed me this morning, this is what transpired, and before I could even finish one setence she goes off! "you lied to me! Why the hell did you lie to me!!" I had been drinking a little, but I'm really calm, I like, "X, I did not lie to you, this is what.." she didn't want to hear it, she kept screaming at me and then saying, or me insuiding some very hurtful things toward me..."I learned a lot about you right now, we can never do business together, etc. etc." She's making no sense. But I don't want her mad at me....to give you some perspective, a normal person in this situation, would've said, "X, what was that all about?" and probably even laugh as I told them...its the biz. I can see though, I'm not talking to a rational person so, I leave her be. I don't need this and a drunk woman in a business setting is a time bomb ticking to explode.
A colleague of mine who witnessed the whole thing told me I did everything right and she's very sick and its very unfortunate.
I can fast forward. We have our own company/client party. I can tell there's some tension between us, I get her by the bar, say hello, tell her she looks great and asks if she's ok. She says I'm fine, I'm just taking back by you last night. I answer, funny, because I actually am as well by you and quite hurt by it. She says she is as well, she doesn't understand why I would lie to her. I answer, I did not lie to you, I played stupid, there's a big difference. There was a lot of things about this situation you don't know about, which she concedes that I might be right.
I really don't care about the business part of it, oh, my boss knows about this and his advice was I should've told her off and what a ridiculous amateur she is, and why is she messing up our biz and he'll have a word with her as well. I'm glad I took the high road.
I ask he if she'd like to go somewhere and talk about it for a little bit, she slowly shakes her head and says, "X, I really can't do this with you right now." I say, ok, I do understand, but I just wanted to make one point, all I care about right now is our personal relationship, the business thing I can take care of, I even told her I was having an anxiety over it, which she thought was odd. She was like, "Why?" I told her the truth, "your one of my favorite people here, I don't want something like this between us." She then said, "we're ok," and left. I knew we weren't. I gave her space the whole rest of the night and did my own thing.
I saw her the following day before I had to leave actually. It came up again, which she claims she over it, and even subtly makes fun of me for taking it personal. I ask her is she wants to talk about it, she shakes her head no. I say ok. I simply tell her you know I really care about you, she nods yes, and all I care about is our personal relationship is ok, she assures it is, I kiss her on the cheek and I'm on my way.
I find out the next week, she went to my boss like three times asking if she was in trouble, even emailed him several times. His response was always the same, "No." Eventually he said, "Listen, you're not in trouble (my boss has no juridiction over her), I do know some things were said, and frankly, X was upset that happened, if anything, you owe him an apology...let's just all go out next time you're in town.
I thanked him. That's all I wanted. We both agreed the best thing is this will blow over.
So, I said, my therapist was very proud of me and told me I did everything right. She said it was very peculiar that a woman did not want to talk about something and her going to my boss repeatedly, show's evidence she knows she was wrong. My boss even said, I wouldn't hold your breath on an apology (which i don't care about), she's probably feels like a complete loser and idiot about this.
So, I lay low for a few weeks. I finally txt her on Mother's Day...nothing comes back to me. Keep in mind this is someone who I would chat with, quite a bit, actually, scaringly regularily even, for someone who lives in a completely different area...darn, I txt with her more than the girls I was dating where I live.
This gets me really upset and I am still upset. I txt'd something I would've normally txted her, like nothing happened. I don't need to talk about that past event, unless she wants to. This is someone who not that long ago said to me, "I feel very fortunate to have someone like you in my life. (or a friend like you, don't recall exactly)" I think I'm finding it very hard to comprehend why someone who feels that way about you, does something, granted, really stupid, but then would consider abandoning you from their life.
All I can think of is about a year ago, my wife left me, and then one a guess real friend I've made since then, now acts as if I don't exist to her anymore..... it's really hurting and I can't shake it....
Sorry for blabbing.