Posted 6/6/2012 7:54 AM (GMT -6)
Hey thanks Kaely, I actually did want to check in on this thread...a lot of this is old news now. I am pretty sure everything is back to normal. I don't drink every day, so I rarely have a problem with alcohol and the meds.
We had another conference and I saw my friend, got a hug and a kiss. I'll be honest, I still feel kind of weird, because you're right, I'm one of those people that doesn't like to leave things unsaid...I was still wonder if there's something else going on, resentment, etc., and they're most likely is not.
I was busy those two days as was she, so we weren't able to really catch up as we initially planned. Of course my mind starts thinking stupid things...and frankly, funny, I thought she looked kind of, well, I hate to say it, but beat. If that whole incident didn't happen, I wouldn't think anything of this. She was stressing about not finding her keys, etc. We were chatting and eventually I said, "sweetie, you're stressed right now aren't you?" She responded, "Yes, I get like this when I'm stressed." I said, "I can tell, go do what you have to do..." she said, "yes, I'll be back we can catch up later." These types of dialogues I have happened in the past with us, all funny and sassy comments, then just direct and business...Oh, I actually brought that up. and she did crack a smile and said, "Yes, I've been stressed."
I didn't see her the rest of the time, I was running around a lot and had a stressful day the following day, and she had some important work stuff come up, I had found out from a friend of hers.
I know I'm obsessing a little, I just can't understand why this gives me anxiety. You're right, I'm not short of dates, and quite frankly, while I obviously do like and care for this person a great deal, we both went through the same type of traume around the same time, I sometimes even say to myself, "there's really nothing that "great" about her." I know that sounds mean, but I'm just being honest.
Some other woman I met at the conference was telling me about some guy problem she had, so I gave her some advice, then of course this whole thing came up and she pretty much said the same thing, with a little twists....she said, "not wanting to see pics of your ex-wife, or talk about your gfs, and the whole comment you said when you "crossed the line" (which I would do often, playfuly - not recently for obvious reasons) one of those times and she responded, "J, you know where we are right now...it will be a fun summer though"" well, she took that as this girl definitely had a concious or unconcious attraction to you, which, also, may not have neen so healthy." (for her).
She also made some interesting observations that I appear to be very congnizant and self-aware of what is going on with me, and quite "together", and my friend obviously is not. She also said to me, you may also want to think about do you even want this person as a friend? Is this even good for you? Will this just bring down your own personal growth? As for any sort of romantic relationship (which she thought was very much possibly in the cards), that one you REALLY need to think if you want to enage in if the opportunity comes up. Because it sounds to me, your only next course of action is marriage, because if it doesn't work out, that break up will most like be C-ARAZY!'
I also know me, someone that far away, I will still end up doing my own thing in NYC, unless I was to get engaged, which I don't see happening with anyone in the near future....imagine that sh#4 show!
I'm sorry, part of my personality, my sister says because I'm an Aquarius, is I think of every single possible outcome to every single situation, overthink if you will. It helps creativity, I'll say that.
Also, I woke up with anxiety today, and writing on boards like this, while a total wast of my work day, actually make me feel better, which is probably why I am babbling right now more than anything else about this.
I will stop now.
I still think things are ok.