Through all the pain of the last year I have finally begun to see a small window of meaning. With repressed memories coming out, I gradually saw a pattern.
Nightmares; comforting dream or waking in am with a FULL POEM in my head; then blasted with a nasty memory.
Some of the poems are about a Hobo. I slowly remembered as a child, I would sit and talk to a Hobo outside my house. I still do not know if this is a real person [there was a train depot 1/2 mile away for a paint factory] or of this is how I saw Jesus. My deep feeling is that it is Jesus.
There is a reason I get the full poems in my head, more than just to calm me, before the horror of the memories come. I woke up this am realizing this truth.
SO today I am going to share the latest poem that came to me with everyone. If it gives one person hope, peace or inspiration, than that was the "meaning" for the pain.
The Visit 4/21/12
Sitting in despair, cold and weary.
The Hobo appears in a whisper
From some unspoken prayer.
Peace and calm waft from the Hobo.
He squats, reaching out
To hold my hand.
I close my eyes, he cannot be real.
A peaceful, deep breath washes my fear
open my eyes, the Hobo’s still here.
I crawl upon his lap; as he sits down.
Our breaths come in together
As his loving arms come ‘round.
Hobo quietly tells me I am loved.
Safety, warmth and comfort
Are infused into my being ~
I hear my name called…
I hold onto my Hobo tight.
Mother yells my name again…
open my eyes-sigh-he is gone; I must go.
Kabir says: "Student tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath". from the poem Breath.
DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;