I feel like everything in my life is just coming to a head and overwhelming me right now, and I just feel like I can't take it.
My back pain is still bad, and I'm so frustrated with it and just the daily problems it brings with it...and not being able to do much. That is bad enough and makes me depressed, but now I have other stuff going on too.
My dad is having basically psychotic breaks. He's 67, but has had 'nervous break downs' before and ever since my mother died he's been either almost suicidally depressed, nasty and mean, or manic acting or panicked. He's the income provider for me (pensions), since I can't work right now, and it means that everything we own—our home, cars, insurance, all rides on his shoulders...and he's the one who needs to be provided for and taken care of. He's just unable to function. He's delusional and paranoid, and has no way to manage his money. I have no legal leverage or authority over him, and if I tried to commit him by saying he was a threat to himself for others I just think it would make the situation worse.
On top of this, my boyfriend and I sort of split up, but he is still living with me. He's acting like he is so conflicted and everything, and I sort of am too, but he's sleeping with someone else and acting like he is in love with them. I just don't need that in my life, but I don't know how to get him to leave really because he has no where to go and I've been relying on him to help me with certain things due to my health problems.
I just feel stuck between these people and their problems. Even if I could leave, I'd feel bad about
leaving my father to his own devices. I feel anger, but I also know that he's seriously mentally ill and can't help all of it. He needs help, and I have no idea what to do. I just wish someone was there for me like I try to be there for everyone else. I feel like everyone's emotional crutch, and that I'm just being used and saddled with all the drama and baggage. It isn't fair to me, but I have no idea how to get out. I'm just so overwhelmed and feeling so angry and depressed. I just hate my life right now and wish I could be alone and live my own life away from all this.
...Thanks everyone, for having the forum and stuff here. It helps to vent.