I don't know what to do any more?

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fadingstar
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 6/10/2012 6:29 PM (GMT -6)   
I have been severely depressed for about 6 years and it is only getting worse. I have ruined my life, and lost everyone I loved. I don't have a job, I lost my friends, I don't leave the house. For about a year I have just stayed in bed all day every day and the only time I leave my house is to go to therapy (which doesn't help). I had a couple of psychotic episodes over the last few months because my depression got so bad. I stopped taking my medication a few months ago to hoard pills. I don't want to live, but I am scared of dying. I am completely stuck. I don't have the will to live, thus I don't have to will to recover. I honestly don't know what to do any more. I have trapped myself in this awful circle and I can't get out. Please, any advice?

*I apologize if any content is not allowed or triggering.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 6/10/2012 6:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Fadingstar,

You really need to take your medication. That is why you aren't feeling well. So take your medication as prescribed. If you aren't getting anywhere in therapy, let the therapist know that. They can try a different approach or you can get another therapist. Therapy should be helping you. Please take your medications...  It sounds like you are blaming yourself for everything.  Cut yourself some slack.  Things are going to be okay....

Know that we care about you and want to see you feeling well.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

fadingstar
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 6/10/2012 7:05 PM (GMT -6)   
Karen,

Thank you for your reply. I have tried medication in the past but it only makes me feel worse. I don't have the patience to keep doing trial and error. I think half the problem is I wont let myself get better - and I don't know why. I am reluctant to take medication that doesn't help or creates a 'fake happiness'. It makes it worse that everyone around me is thinking I am doing well. I don't want to let them all down again.

ExProud
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 46
   Posted 6/10/2012 7:58 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm feeling miserable right now also, so you are not alone. I'm just trying to get through and hoping that there are better days ahead, I have no other choice. I do remember times that I felt pretty good after feeling bad and being glad I made it. Maybe you can try to do likewise. It's so hard to see any hope sometimes, but that's because we're stuck in our illness and it's making us believe that. You and I, and many others are together in this I think, so let's just do the best we can to help ourselves and keep trying. When you get frustrated you can come here and type about it. People really do care.

medved
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 1100
   Posted 6/10/2012 8:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Star. If your meds are not working, tell your doc and try some different meds. Don't give up on medication altogether. You don't need to live unhappy. And if meds make you feel better, that's not "fake happiness" - it is real.

Decide that you ARE going to have better QOL. Tell your doc you want her/him to help you make that happen. Don't give up . You deserve to be happy.

I was at a low point a few months ago but doing better now. You can too.

Best wishes
Medved

Monty's Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 664
   Posted 6/10/2012 10:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Fadingstar,

I have been going through a rough patch lately too. One thing I have learned on this long journey through illness, pain, and depression, is that if you don't take your medications as prescribed or not at all, its hard to get better. I also know that its not as simple as just getting up or just going to therapy. Make small, attainable goals that you can reach everyday. It makes me feel better about myself when I am able to see that I have done something toward recovering life. A shower, a walk, moving to another room, and eventually I get outside or find myself smiling and laughing again.

Things take time, and healing is hard. There are others in the same place, as you can make it.

Hope you are feeling better soon.
The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them. That's the essence of inhumanity. George Bernard Shaw
Pelvic adhesive disease, endometriosis, history of adenomyosis with hysterectomy, ovarian remnant syndrome, IBS, SI dysfunction, arthritis, fibromyalgia, kidney stones, depression, and anxiety with panic attacks.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 6/11/2012 6:30 AM (GMT -6)   
Fadingstar,

Don't ever give up. You may need a different med, or a new one. It just balances the chemicals in our brains. It isn't fake happiness. It is real...

Take care, keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Gettingthru
New Member


Date Joined May 2012
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 6/12/2012 3:23 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles. I have been with someone for more than 6 years in a committed relationship and he has had similar, if not identical feelings. I just wanted to encourage you - I know it's much easier said than done....One thing that has helped my significant other is to make a list of tasks to complete in 1 day. It may be just a few simple things, like getting up at a certain time and spending an hour sitting outside, or working on a little project. This has often helped as it gives you an immediate sense of accomplishment....I know it's often cliche to say this but "little things" like that really do help you feel better. As you start feeling like you are accomplishing things you can add to your list but again, take it slowly because as I've experienced with my partner, it's also easy to get overwhelmed. I've been going through some major struggles myself, but I know that for me, and my partner 1 day at a time is enough to worry about. I know that it's difficult to do, as I'm struggling with this myself, but taking it slow and 1 day at a time with everything, from my thoughts to my tasks for the day helps me get thru. I know that if I can get thru today, and even accomplish a few things, maybe I can do more the next day. One last thing - Another thing that made a big difference for my partner is he started taking a combination of meds - It's now Effexor and Welbutrin.

I do hope you feel better and don't ever give up. The people who love you love you no matter what and it's OK to lean on friends and family members. I know in my situation, it helps to reach out to others when you need to draw your strength from someone besides yourself.
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