Posted 6/13/2012 7:04 PM (GMT -7)
Hi, I'm new here looking for a little feedback.
I have never been diagnosed with depression, but 4 years ago when my daughter was 6 mo. My husband left me for his affair partner. I was pretty traumatized ( was only 27, just went through ivf, high risk pregnancy, early delivery). I always functioned well besides the grief and trauma. Went to work, took care of my baby..... But I went through some therapy and decidedly went on Effexor about 1 year into the situation. After a year of being on it, I went off due to getting my tonsils removed, doing better and not liking the side effects.
The pain and drama from the divorce kept continuing( he got engaged to his affair partner shortly after the legal divorce, married her, other things). But I got along well and even started enjoying life a little over a year ago .
I have been crying a lot lately. I am very lonely, have no boyfriend, but did care for another man a lot which didn't work out. I love my daughter but get so tired of doing it alone. (her dad is in her life, but obviously, we do things separately). I am grieving all over again for the loss of my family. I find myself crying myself to bed every night due to a horrible loneliness.
However, I live life, just came home from vacation, go out with friends, enjoy spending time with my daughter, work full-time( a very stressful job).
I wonder if my situation would change, if i would feel better. I felt wonderful dating a guy I cared for very much last year. He unfortunately was damaged from his divorce and not ready for a relationship.
It's not codependency, I've been doing this alone for 4 years. I'm just hurting and lonely . I wonder if I would benefit from an a it- depressant again, because I can't take the crying anymore.
I don't want the side effects, I don't want the weight gain, but I want to feel joy again.
I'm going to start counseling again, to work through these feelings and figure out to handle them.
It's horrible when you get through so much, get rid of the godawful feelings only to have them to start ha ing them creep back I again.
Thanks for listening to my long winded post.