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New Member

Date Joined Jun 2012
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 6/15/2012 12:33 AM (GMT -6)   
Pleas Help!

I feel like my life is crashing down around me, everything seems to be turning out far worse than I could have ever imagined. Firstly I’m 23yrs old and I am currently unemployed, I have worked since 14yrs old and lost my job of 5 years a month ago. That was ok because I had a plan, I would just find a new better job and everything would work out. I found a new job (a really great one) but after 2 months of waiting for my start date the job has fallen though. (ok still not that bad) This is where it gets messy, my partner and I have been together for 4 yrs and after all this job stuff I just found out I’m pregnant!! I’m 5 weeks and freaking out. We both live with our parents and we had spoken about kids and marriage but not for a couple of years after we get a house etc. (we used contraception and it failed so no haters thanks) My partner wanted an abortion from the start, I was a bit up in the air but after some thinking I wanted an abortion as well as I can’t provide for myself atm let alone a baby. After a couple of days I am back to square one on deciding which option I will take. I would love to keep this baby in my heart but my head is telling me that it would be no life for my unborn child if I can not provide. I don’t feel like I can talk to my partner because every time I bounce ideas off him he turns on me. He has been supportive from the start but now is over my indecisiveness and to be honest so am I, but this is such a huge decision and it shouldn’t be taken lightly. I’m not even sure what I’m looking for on here maybe just someone to talk to, or someone who has been in a similar situation. I have no one to talk to. Thanks for taking the time to read this, I’m feeling a little better for getting it all out there.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42211
   Posted 6/15/2012 5:26 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi There,

Welcome to the depression forum. This is a tough decision and really only you can make it. It all comes down to what you want. I would try keeping the baby if it were me, because it haunts you if you get an abortion. It wont haunt him, but it will most likely haunt you. But do what feels right for you. What comes from your heart. It is your body and you have a right to make any decision you want. You will not be judged here. We will all respect your decision.

I am glad that you have joined us. The weekends can be a little slow here. So be patient waitng for responses. I hope you can make a decision. Well, we know what happens if you can't. You have a prescious baby. I am kind of leaning towards keeping it. As you can see.

I have always felt if you can't afford a baby, you shouldn't have one, but I have seen things work out for people in these situations like you are in. Things come when you need them.

Have you thought about talking to a counselor about it? That might help you. Just remember to do what is in your heart. Remember it is a human life inside of you. And that he or she is a part of you. A miracle in itself. I hope you can make a decision and I wont try to talk you into keeping it anymore.

I hope you have a good day today. Take care, and keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 6/15/2012 7:12 AM (GMT -6)   
welcome lilone
That was the hardest decision of my life=abortion or not. This is hard for me to even talk about and alot of people will judge me but I will sahre my story.
I was full time college student back in '79. I, too, was using BC. I slept with a guy and we saw each other for a coupla months. I was way more into him than he was into me. The realtionship fizzled out and then I found out I was pregnant. It was very early in the pregnancy and I had an abortion, Everyone thought I was so strong but they did not know the how many nights I soaked my pillow in tears. I felt I made the right decision for ME at THAT TIME. I finished college, had a great career and married at 41 and had my beautiful daughter at age 43. I beleive that the decision to end the preg is only between you and God. I have thought of that child many times over the years and feel very conflicted still.\\
Your situation is very different , having a partner. His opinion has merit of course so it makes things more difficult. If you had the child, would you have a support system, a grandparent to watch the child while you work or go to school. Can you offer that child a decent stable environment? Do you have a plan?
If you really really want this child, you will find a way. But, this may sound cold but there are basic practical matters like money and a home that should be considered.
I do not have an answer for you. As karen said, that is something only you can decide. Perhaps talkking to a counselor would help. This is such a huge decision. I will keep you in my prayers and I am sure whatever decision you make will be the right one. If I had it to do over NOW, I would keep the child, but I have learned to be at peace and right with God about the road I took.
Many prayers for you-let us know

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 6/16/2012 5:28 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey lilone

haven't heard back....hope you are ok

You are welcome to come here and vent or cry or yell-my thoughts are with you,,,please let us know how you are

"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

seroquel, hydrocodone clonazepam norvasc multi vitamin and magnesium

New Member

Date Joined Jun 2012
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 6/16/2012 9:33 PM (GMT -6)   
You need to find a pro-life crisis pregnancy center. If you Google "pro-life crisis pregnancy center + (write your city & state here)" a list will come up with all of them in your area.

They will give you all the help you need to keep your baby. They do not charge any fees. They will help you find medical care and ANYTHING else you need.

Please keep me posted.

Post Edited (nycowgirl) : 6/16/2012 9:37:39 PM (GMT-6)

Forum Moderator

Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4472
   Posted 6/17/2012 6:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi lilone102,

Welcome to Healing Well!
I'm sorry for everything you are going through.

I had an abortion at 19 years. It's something I regret even today. It's only been two years but I doubt I will ever forget it. It's something I believe will haunt me for the rest of my life. Sometimes, I think I forget it all sometimes but then, all the memories comes back to me. Having that abortion is something I still cry about today. After the abortion, I felt my life kept going downhill. It made my depression worst and I did some horrible things to myself. I was really in a dark spot during that time and I didn't have anyone because no one knew about the abortion except my bf and two of my closest friends at work.
My bf told me to have the abortion from the beginning although I didn't want to. I still went through with it.

I wanted the child but I still went through with it. I still grief for the child today. Sometimes, I wish I can go back in time and do things differently. Each day I think about how old the child would of been and how I would of been teaching him/her to walk, talk, etc...

I agree with Karen and Maggie. This is a decision that only you can make yourself. As Maggie said, you should probably take to a counselor before you proceed with this big decision.

I hope things work out for you.

Please keep is posted and let us know how you're doing.



Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 6/17/2012 8:13 PM (GMT -6)   

I can relate to so much of your story. You can email me (my email address is in my profile) if you want to talk.
Bipolar Disorder Forum Moderator

Bipolar 1, Borderline Personality Disorder, Panic Disorder, PCOS (hormone disorder).

Lithium 1,200 mg, Klonopin 1.5 mg as needed (yay, lower meds for a while!)
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