depressed husband

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slady2
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2012
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 6/21/2012 4:44 PM (GMT -6)   
I need some advice:
 
How can I support my husband through his bouts of depression. I am a positive upbeat person and he is the opposite. Most time he is quiet but not withdrawn. I use to think it was me because I am always trying to find ways to make him happy it works for a while then things change. I can find the good in things he can find the bad in things.
we have been married for 15 years he now wants to questio whether we should stay together or separate. He says sometimes he cares and sometimes he doesn't care. I am finally putting it all together when he's depressed he says things to hurt me but when he's not he is lovable and
easy to please. I am sociable and very outgoing lately he's not. He told me I could move on with my life but he can't and is trying to find his purpose in life. I get confused and I start to worry and sometimes stressed!!! I love him and its hurts me to see him hurting but sometimes I don't knw what to say and when I do say something I have to be careful of how I say it because he will become defensive.. I need some advice on how to handle this.... Please help!!! 

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42430
   Posted 6/21/2012 5:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Slady2,

Just keep on being upbeat. See that he gets counseling and talks to a doctor or psychiatrist. Don't put your life and happiness on hold. Just keep being who you are.

I hope that your husband gets feeling better soon. Don't let his depression get you down. It is just that, his...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

slady2
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2012
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 6/22/2012 4:06 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for the support. I am praying my way through he is very private and I learning to try to keep my mouth closed until hw wants to talk about it.  
 
I will keep you posted...

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42430
   Posted 6/22/2012 6:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

I am glad that you posted back. It is hard walking on eggshells arounc somebody that is depressed. But like I say, don't let it get you down. Is he seeing a doctor? If it gets bad, you might even want to check into counseling for yourself to learn how to cope with his depression. Just remember, don't let it get you down.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Kaely
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2012
Total Posts : 619
   Posted 6/22/2012 6:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Speaking as a depressed person we can be pretty miserable to live with at times.
My advice is leave him be when he's being grumpy. I know I don't like someone trying to cheer me up when I'm really down and I tend to snap at them.
I'm not sure from what you've posted so far but is he on meds for depression? Is he in counseling?
I can imagine this is really hard on you but don't change who you are. Changing how you act won't do anything for how he acts. It just doesn't work that way. And you sound like a really nice person, so don't change.
Chronic pain, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Tennis Elbow (both arms), Arthritis (knees and fingers), Diabetes. Ruptured disk L-4, Severe degenerative damage L5-S1, ACDF C5-C6

slady2
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2012
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 6/23/2012 11:41 AM (GMT -6)   
He is not on meds and not getting coinseling most times he does not want to talk about it. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I am learning to leave him alone and find other things to do to maintain my sanity. I am a people person and I love to have fun but he can turn into a grouch at the drop of a hat. I am praying my way through and yes I am a nice person who does not want his bouts of depression to change who I am.

I want him to get counseling and I don't want to set him off by mentioning it at the wrong time. Does this make sense?

Kaely
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2012
Total Posts : 619
   Posted 6/23/2012 5:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Yes that makes sense Slady. I'm sorry, it must be extra hard for you since he refuses to get help. Is there anyone in his family who could help you bring the subject up to him?
Chronic pain, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Tennis Elbow (both arms), Arthritis (knees and fingers), Diabetes. Ruptured disk L-4, Severe degenerative damage L5-S1, ACDF C5-C6

slady2
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2012
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 6/23/2012 6:54 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for your advice and words of encouragement !! I will continue to pray and focus on keeping my mind, body and soul healthy. I need my strength to support him..
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